When my stepdaughter asked me "what was the scariest thing you have ever seen?" I had to take a moment to contemplate that.
Firstly, i asked her to define "scary" because fear is a subjective emotion that changes from witness to witness.
She sneered at me and shrugged, "i dont know. Scary... I i guess what ever scared you the most then."
Great, now i have to define my own fear and horror for this. So weighed my emotions and considered the one asking.
I thought about it, whatbi have expirienced in the past, and what had scared me the most.
Bees, spiders, snakes, even zombies and demons and other things of stage horror do not cause a lingering vexing.
However, due to my upbringing, the seeping bile of mankind and the vy for power and control has permentaly scarred me and leaves me questioning my own morality.
I am disturbed by the Wisdom of Kings and Shepherds and am shaken by the hand that holds the flail as well as the crook. For, both are represented in these trials.
True horror comes in culling of ones own flock and the conquest for dominion.
I am not frightened by zombie make up, i am not frightened by gore, the beggar and the king are both mortal vassals and can be slain, dragons and dinosaurs are things of dreams now, and the dark is merely an abscence of light.
The horrow that vexes me greatly was driving through the desert and seeing the mutilated corpses of unknown individuals when travelling one evening and the images of skinned decapitated heads on the lawn in front of a house out in LA from one my biofathers police/homicide reports.
Both were mortal messages, both were as a result of organized crime and the fight against federal dominion in areas run by these kingpins.
Two vastly different kings of alternating powers overlapping the same exploited and desperate civilians resulting in collateral fatalities.
So, i suppose war and its moral variants frighten me the most.
I had sat in silence for about ten minutes now feeling tears well up in my eyes. I wasnt ready to simplify this conversation for an eleven year old.
She repeated her question noticing i had sat quietly without moving.
"We'll go zombies; dead rising and all that." Remembering the line from Lost Boys about if all the dead were to stand up at once thered be a serious population problem, "i... I dont feel like talking about the scariest thing i had ever seen. I shouldnt have seen it and its too scary for anybody."
It took her moment but she accepted the answer and didnt ask further.
