kaggi

dazai who gives therapy a try, reluctant and skeptical at first, only to find out it’s not as awful as he had expected

dazai who struggles with opening up, cracking jokes and making light of serious topics with practiced ease, skillfully ignoring your silly attempts to get through to him

dazai who, after many, many sessions, comes to find that you’re surprisingly easy to talk to. the conversations flow naturally, you don’t try to placate him with empty promises of a better tomorrow, nor do you display the clinical coldness he’d anticipated

dazai who believes you’re the only person who truly understands him. you understand the deep-rooted hollowness that’ll never go away, maybe even more so than he understands it himself. you don’t try to force him to participate in the mundane everyday activities, you don’t feed him pretty little lies to try and convince him about life’s supposed beauty—you simply listen and accept him as he is

dazai who can feel himself gradually sinking into the comfort of your quiet presence. there is just something about you—and not just the fact that you listen to him "whine"—that’s pulling him in like a black hole. it’s almost like he looks up to you in a way, perceiving you as he would a silent guardian angel

dazai who gets all cranky and sulky because, what do you mean he has to wait almost three months for another appointment? these bothersome moods are accompanied by a gnawing feeling that dazai refuses to acknowledge out loud—he can try to convince himself that jealousy is beneath him all he wants, but he can’t ignore the ever growing sense of irritation at the thought of you tending to someone else. your attention should be on him

dazai who just so happens to start showing up everywhere—his presence outside of your office is terrifyingly soundless, and you’re blissfully unaware about him lingering out there, listening in to the conversations you’re having with your other clients. neither do you notice him when he trails behind you after your shift ends, his steps stealthy and cautious like a stray cat’s as he spectates your day-to-day life. it’s only fair he knows a little bit about you when you know so much about him, right?

dazai who learns exactly how your brain functions, and effortlessly shifts the conversation during the appointments to you, disguising his sudden interest in your personality and private life as nothing more than innocent curiosity—getting you to willingly talk about yourself is so much more rewarding than just stalking after you in the dark

dazai who isn’t stupid enough to even entertain the idea that you feel the same way about him. helping people like him, making the lost causes of this world feel seen and safe, must be nothing more than a job to you. dazai is just another patient amongst dozen others. but to him, you’re the sole reason his thoughts aren’t filled with mud all day

dazai who just might "borrow" the files in your office, flipping through the pages with disdain as he reads about the other patients. he pays the more troublesome ones a little visit to make sure you won’t be as busy with them anymore. after all, the less clients you have, the more time and energy you have for him, and that’s how it should be

dazai who doesn’t care that your feelings towards him are most likely strictly professional. all you have to do is be there, accept him each time he visits, let him to bask in the feeling of being understood, make him feel like he’s the only one that matters during these fleeting appointments

...though, undeniably, it would be nice to have you return his so called love, but he’s capable of settling for what he currently has... for now