Hands riddled with cuts and bruises opens the door to her home and a wave of comfort envelopes itself around her like a ghostly hug welcoming her back to a place she had left so abruptly. Carmen steps inside, confident enough in her skills to bypass her Husband’s security to buy her some time in complete solitude for just a few more minutes. At least, so she hopes. Immediately her thighs are occupied by paws as white as snow, the echoes of happy whining drawing her body to the floor as she embraces the dog that had drawn out the last bit of sanity in her during a time of weakness. Hey buddy. The greeting is unspoken, instead fingers run through fur as her body is pressed against the back of the door as her face is licked.
Memories of ferocious shouting, and tireless hours of fighting come back to her in volts of brief pictures and sensations – so she buries her face into Alex’s neck to silence them. But she knows that nothing could silence them, make them quiet? Certainly. But silenced completely, without any remnants of the hell she willingly put herself through to help her father would be but a fools’ wish.
With every step she takes, chaos reigns behind the woman with the Lion’s mane. Hands so violent and eyes like fire, Carmen devours.
It’s a life that she’s hopefully put behind her. Hopefully. For she knows that peace never finds women like her. No matter how much she’d reach, peace remained like the stars in the galaxy. An illusion – a memory of something she could have had a long time ago, yet died right in front of her eyes.
The union with Alex is cut short when Carmen’s ears twitch and her breasts ache. Her child’s name is but simple reminiscent sigh as she stands, feet seeking out the path to their daughter.
Their bedroom had always been her sanctuary. From the moment she moved in and settled into a space that had claimed her, and she it, a long time ago. And it doesn’t surprise her as she stands in the doorway, looking over her husband’s sleeping face and her heart aches. For a man that sacrificed so much, that had been through so much – she made it no easier for him. From drunken fights to her leaving without speaking one word. The moment she fell in love with Nine she promised she would do her best to make sure that even in this fucked up world, she would see a smile on his face even in the most trying of days. A promise she has yet to keep.
Carmen’s never been stable, with hurricane thoughts and her fists acting as the aiding wind she had always did as she pleased. But with the birth of their daughter and the emotional loss of her father, she has realized that her life no longer belonged to her. Selfish antics always left pain in their wake, and she’s tired of hurting others and hurting herself.
The smallest noise from a crib nearby wrenches her attention away from the peaceful sight (ironic how a woman that finds peace in everything never finds peace for herself) and with light steps she looks over to see her daughter staring back at her.
“You look just like your fucking father.” The mumble is immediate as she stares into those familiar storm gray eyes, so haunting and enchanting.
With careful hands, Yumi is swept up into her arms, the baby not making a single sound, aside from the occasional cooing as she familiarizes herself with her mother again. To make this moment just enough for her, she takes the child into the living room sitting in her favorite spot as she looks over the features of the child she left behind to chase after her fathers’ dream of revenge. Her body protests with her movement, yet she grits her teeth and bares through it. Like she always does.
Tiny hands press against her skin, noises resembling that of a confused child only being heard as her finger traces the outlines of their child’s face. She’s beautiful. A gift bestowed onto her family after a tireless nine months and even the few minutes when Carmen thought that she had given birth to a child that was taken from her in the womb. She’s in awe of their daughter and with slow movements, she brings Yumi up to her face to press her forehead against hers.
“Do you remember me?” The question is faint and the silence that stretches is suffocating and for a moment tears prick the corners of her eyes as her tears beg to be released, burning her skin as they roll down her cheeks. She shouldn’t have left.
But the moment she is greeted with a tiny smack, followed by a curious mouth on her nose by a baby that wants to know the world she breathes out a sigh of relief. She remembered her mother, and that’s all that mattered. Carmen promises herself that she would never force her family to question whether she was a ghost to their memory again.
It doesn’t take long for Yumi to begin fussing and Carmen is immediately smacked with the realities of motherhood as she situates herself to breastfeed. But it is the burden that she hoped for, the burden she gave up her exciting sex life for the boredom of vanilla for. It’s a painful process as she’s been away from her baby for a few months and has to get her body accustomed to mommy life. “Shit you even breastfeed like your dad.” The joke draws out a genuine laugh that brings her heart joy. It’s been so long since she laughed like this, idle fingers stroking the hairs on Yumi’s head.
The familiar clearing of a throat draws her attention to Nine, a man that didn’t take shit from her when they first met and still continued to chastise her – even in her dreams. She knows they’re going to have to talk about her absence, but for now she gives him a look to let him know that she’s recommitting to her life as not only a mother, wife, and friend, but as Carmen. A grin pulls at her lips and she leans back a bit as Yumi feeds. “Honey, I’m home.”
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