Zuri: [laughing] Listen! Listen! It was my grandfathers! We had been replacing parts on this thing since before I was born! It was its time!

The Bear: Lilly, is she dodging the question?

Lilly: I think she's dodging the question, Bear.

The Bear: Okay okay, so what exactly did you do to destroy this extraordinary museum piece?

Zuri: [laughing] Oh gosh I don't want to say it now.

[The hosts erupt with encouragement]

Zuri: My sons will play this game, where I'll be out working in the field. You know, rigged up, focusing on tilling. They'll sneak up behind me with their rigs on, jump up, curl up into a little ball, and try to lock themselves to my back-jack in the cargo position...

[The hosts are howling with laughter]

Zuri: They're- They're damn good at it too! My oldest, Zair, can do it in on solid motion. Its like one moment I'm minding my own business, the next moment I have a whole kid in a 100 pound work rig locked to my back!

Lilly: What a riot! Oh this is just dangerous to put on the air.

The Bear: Ahem, to all the parents at home we apologize in advance, please don't sue us.

Zuri: So- So one day- One day my youngest tries it, but he doesn't twist around fast enough, and the aux battery on the left arm clips an exposed spinal neurohelix. Zap! Neuros are fried. My legs and arms lock straight like stilts! Now I'm swearing up a storm, you know- "You little rats!" But I'm hobbling like a circus performer trying to chase em down and they're just dying. Musta been the funniest damn thing they've ever seen.

[The hosts continue to laugh uproariously at this]

The Bear: Doll we gotta get to advice part of the show or the network is gonna give YOU a show.

Lilly: What a way to go! You hit an aux to the spinal braid? That's fried. Done. Kaput. You gotta scrap that thing.

Zuri: Yeah, we've already gutted it. Old girl is rusting in the barn for parts now. Zair is a whiz, so I'm hoping he can get some good use out of it.

The Bear: So we hear you're looking for a new rig?

Lilly: What's your price point love?

Zuri: We've got a good chunka cash built up. We're looking at something in the 600 to 700 washer range.

The Bear: That's pretty good for a work rig. You've got a lot of choices.

Lilly: I have a sneaking suspicion that this price point has something to do with your special request?

Zuri: So, my oldest, Zair. I recently learned that he's been uh. Well gosh now I'm embarrassed about this too!

The Bear: Doll c'mon don't hold out on us!

Lilly: You called, we can handle it!

Zuri: I learned that Zair had been using the Arcadia to race on the weekends. He and some of the local kids would run street races at night. He's been rigging a grapple harness to the waist-jack, and stripping it before I need the rig for monday morning.

[The hosts laugh at this, though not as hard]

Lilly: Ha! So what you're saying is you want the biggest, slowest, beached-whale rig you can get? Something just impossible to race?

The Bear: I'm thinking an HR&R Pauldron, Heavy Industrial. With that type of money you can get the new 900 series. Ask for the high-stability option-

Zuri: No no! No you don't understand! The damn kid keeps placing last because he's been racing in a junker! What I'm lookin' for is something I can use as a work rig for the days, that's easy to strip and good to race on the weekends. I want it safe, you hear me? I can't stop this kid from racing, so I might as well get something that'll keep his skull together.

[The hosts explode into laughter again]

Lilly: You! You're a good mom! What I wouldn't give for a mom like you!

The Bear: Ma'am, one day, when I grow up, I wanna be like you. I wanna be that typea mom.

Zuri: So, can you help me?

[The hosts can be heard stage whispering for a moment, followed by the sound of cracking knuckles.]

The Bear: Okay. You've got a lot of good options here. My friend here wants you to get a sport rig, but that's not gonna have the torque you need for farmwork: Here's what you're gonna do-

Lilly: Would to! Have you seen what the Roadrunner 600 can do? Six point neuro uplink! Eighty pneumatic helices per leg! Tell me that's not good enough to rig a plow!

The Bear: The dirt Lil! We need solid-body articulation! Using a pneumo-helix for farmwork is like pouring sand into clockwork!

Lilly: You replace the dermis with a synthetic sheathe! I get no respect around here!

The Bear: Zuri, doll, here's what you're gonna do: You're gonna go to your local Post Office outpost. You're gonna ask if they have any old courier shipping rigs. You want middlegrade. Ask specifically if they have an Albatross W-500, or if you're lucky, an LH-640. These are long-haul light-load shipment rigs. They're ugly, but they're sturdy as hell, built for carrying things long distances through rough terrain.

Lilly: The kicker here is that they're both light-combat certified. Built-in medical and shock response treatment. You'll need to replace the medical gel canisters every few months to make sure they're fresh... And if a certain someone wanted to maybe engage in a little bit of light illegal street racing...

The Bear: Well the Albatross line is built to be constantly refitted for different weathers and terrains. So someone, not saying who, might have a real easy time stripping the plating for speed. That sound good doll?

Zuri: That sounds perfect, thank you so much girls!

The Bear: Perfect! Thank you for the call, you'll have to tell us how it goes!

Lilly: Please love we beg you! Call again! Toodle-oo!

Zuri: Thank you again!