Sarah James

Pieces of me chipping off

Wooden is my face, my soul however whittled

In the opposition twice over feeling so lost

.

I slip between the cracks of my position

Moving out though, well, I'm just too stuck

Still sometimes I find myself wishin'

That I could do so without making a fuss

.

But everyone knows it would just hurt so much

These pieces that I am missing

All I can do is pick them up

All you hear is my pain filled hissing

.

Leaving is a choice

Staying is a joke

But I struggle to find my voice

But why are those negative results so damned negative

I guess I just didn't want to know when those results were in

If you need to stick me again just call my health insurance so they can take advantage

Waiting for a train that might not even bother to come

Every time i say that though they point out those flashing red and blue lights

Its something my family loves to reference |

And all I really know is I gotta do some penance |

Because all my future holds is some dirty dependence ||

.

They love to tell me that it's all fine |

But of course I can see the lies in their eyes |

They're all looking and hoping for some kind of sign |

And I'm just wondering if itd be better for them if I simply die ||

.

And so I push myself past the point of breaking |

Then I put every piece painstakingly back into their setting |

Perhaps to you that might sound kind of alarming |

Why I might stray my hand

Why I just cant

Write notations on your heart

..

I would love, you see

To write about every beat

Yet I know to write those things

Itd tear you apart

...

So my fingers will fall away

My pen will not be drawn today

The ink might have to fade

I expect some respect

It seems to me neither of us will get

And all I can think of are the words that you didnt

I know that you meant to cause me this pain

But a part of me wishes you did not mean anything

Deep down I know you meant every horrible sentence

And yet somehow I still want to take back every second

I went to talk about it with family and friends

Where they all attempted to decipher your messages

But it seems to me as I stare at the wreckage

That this illness I have just cant be shaken

I burn myself up, I am forsaken

I fill myself on up with pills that just arent meant for savin

||

And you see they tell me there is no cure for what I have

So you may as well stuff my body in your garbage bag

Because I'm not gonna lie, I think the world would be glad

To get rid of another one of its scavenging rats

||

So, dear, just swing me over your shoulder

Because if there is one thing in this life that I know

It's that there is no such thing as home

For someone like me who is so irreparably broke

||

So while you wait for me to do something obscene

And to fade away from these horrid scenes

Let me ask you for just one last thing

That I'm being pretty selfish

But you know what i think?

I'm actually pretty helpless