Some Random Thoughts

TW: mention of tics and descriptions, mentions of bad thoughts, sh

So I’m reaching out to the tumblr void because I don’t know what to do. Essentially, I think I may have tourette’s but I’m terrified that I am just faking it and that it is just me being attention seeking. If you have any insight, please tell me, but also please be kind, I am going through a lot rn, and my mental health is a little unstable.

My story starts last year, when I took Pristiq for my Generalized Anxiety Disorder and clinical depression. It triggered something in my brain, and I started having these little shivers (that I’ve been having as long as I can remember) rather frequently. I thought it was ok, and waited it out, but eventually I had a night where I was laying on the floor of the basement in my college dorm, just twitching non-stop for 3 hours. I stopped taking that medicine soon after, and switched to lexapro (I’m unsure if this has bearing, but here you go). A couple months later, I got a concussion, and got a constant migraine for over a month. Everything seemed to be ok, I kept going on with my life, but early this year, I had some kind of panic attack or something where I went nonverbal (I could not figure out how to talk, even though I could think, and type) and had intense levels of twitches. This mostly manifested in me snapping my fingers and jerking my neck, but also I could not look at heavy objects, because I was having intrusive thoughts (I did not want to unalive myself) of hitting my head where I had the concussion again. I chalked it up to some weird stuff that was going on in my personal life, and kept going on, but these last few months, I have been having pretty bad what I call twitches, but what could be characterized as tics. They are usually not vocal, often involve stomping, snapping, or me slapping my arm, but sometimes they are vocal and will often be high pitched squeaks or “Brrrrr” these usually happen when I get overstimulated (mostly by sound) if I get really cold, if I get itchy, or if I think about it too much. It feels almost how an itch feels, where you just feel like you have to do it, and sometimes I can stop it, but other times it takes over.

Would you look at that, it’s my first post!