Just Jam, I Am

I never thought I’d be considering it, but here it is. I have to join a gym. I’ve been fighting PCOS PASSIVELY far to long. I can’t keep living like this. So, as part of my commitment to ttc it’s time to shed some pounds. I’m 5’ 2” and 170lbs the largest I’ve ever been in my entire life. I have no idea what I’m getting myself in to. I don’t know how to treat my body. I don’t know how to eat right. I don’t know what to do to prepare for a work out. I don’t know what to expect from a workout. I don’t know how to recover from a workout. I’m on the hunt though. I’ve got a lot of gym options in my area to choose from, but deciding which will be best is going to be difficult because I don’t know the differences. There are body building gyms with classes and trainers. There are gyms that are individual based. There is CrossFit, Boot camps, hot yoga, rock climbing, and the list goes on. I’m clueless. I don’t even know of any recourses to research this stuff... I feel like I new born. We shall see how this all unfolds I suppose. I just hope I don’t convince myself I’m defeated even before I start.

So, this appointment coming up with my new doctor is stressing me out. I think I’m finally at a place were I think it’s okay try medical treatments to conceive. I’ve been battling this decision for a long time and at times have felt conflicted about it due to my religious beliefs. I don’t want to compromise on the word of God, but He also has allowed the development of medicine. Soo.....

Oh man. I’ve been visiting my family for the last 10 days back in my home town. Well, I’ve been visiting my sister and brother while my parents are on vacation. It’s been difficult emotionally. I look at them and I want to see the tiny little monsters who pronounced my name incorrectly and that became my nickname. They would follow me around and adored me. I didn’t always appreciate this and now it’s really hitting hard. They’re TEENAGERS. Its Awful! I’m ready to run. Thank goodness I go home in two days.

I’ve found a new doctor closer to my home I was previously visiting a doctor that was an hour away, and I’ve come to realize how unrealistic it was to maintain that. I’ve also felt such shame about how inconsistent my efforts to conceive have been. I do have some reservations regarding the fact that my new doctor is male. I’ve never visited a male obgyn, but I’m trying to be unbaised and hope that he is genuinely well educated despite his lack of personal experience with female issues. I hope that his professional experience is incredible and that despite how anxious I may be that he can help solve these hurdles that have stood in my way of having a child.