Devastated Disciple

the two black lead writers iwtv had 1) didn't work on the same seasons, 2) were men and only one was black american, 3) were always co-writers never sole. we have no idea if they have sensitivity readers/editors.

we've all heard heinous shit from family born in the 40s-60s. claudia was born in 1903. she is gonna say some wild shit to louis bc black ppl say wild shit to each other especially when we're mad. we should not be judging claudia by our 2026 pro-black standards. she is rightfully angry and trying to hurt louis. i say this as someone who's only read excerpts of merrick, they adapted her anger very well from the book seance.

I mean, I've seen comments from other black viewers/creators on TikTok who think Claudia not only could have said worse, but should have said worse. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Though yes, if she had said worse, and a black female writer had written it, it would be interesting to see what fandom would be saying right now about it. 🤔

I think what Claudia said was pretty tame compared to what she said in Season One. Which, yes, given the time period Claudia was born in? That language matches.

Because yes, I too have heard much harsher shit from family who were born after Claudia would have been, in the 20s, 30s, and 40s. And not only that, she's a vampire. Language like this is one way in which she has already tried to hurt Louis because of her hate of him. Again, as we saw back in Season One.

And many in fandom appear to have developed a case of collective amnesia about that wrt Claudia's character.

I think that some Black fans don't get how some Black people talk to and about each other or at least are trying to act morally/racially superior by acting like they've never said some out of pocket, over the top shit to another Black person.

A lot of this faux outrage and screaming about racist writing is largely because their view of Louis as some innocent, helpless angel and selfless father that just got dragged out back and shot in the head for good. Just Claudia calling Louis out for going after Bruce being about her and the audacity to act like she should have been grateful for too little, too late. Daniel literally called Louis out for not prioritizing Claudia and choosing Lestat over her but because a lot of them see Daniel as racist, his words don't hold weight.

Louis had shown time and again that for all Louis's insistence that Claudia was all important to him, his words and actions never quite aligned and even if they did. It wasn't for very long i.e. attacking Lestat for choking Claudia to choking Claudia himself to dismissing Armand choking Claudia.

They also really don't like hearing Lestat threatening her with rape was a lie despite all the textual evidence even before the book was published to get Louis to go along with the murder plot.

There's also the fact that Claudia admitted to hating Louis more than Lestat which really doesn't gel with their racist White abuser view of Lestat (I've really seen takes about how that was the writers absolving Lestat of wrongdoing nevermind that it's quite literally lifted from canon and they are doing the books like it or not. She literally talked about using Louis to destroy Lestat and by extension himself to punishing them both for trapping her in the body of a child)

There's also so much of this believe that you can't hate someone and do things for them and show care when you 100 percent can. So much of "Claudia took care of Louis so she couldn't have hated him". It's both mind boggling and annoying.

It's also like relationship are usually nuanced and complex, loving someone doesn't mean you cant hate them. Just like liking or even loving someone doesn't mean you just accept everything from them.

And don't get me started on the thought that liking Claudia behaving in a very canon compliant manner is somehow internalized racism/anti Blackness.

A good portion of this fandom really has a problem with seeing Claudia as anything other than as a perfect victim, just like with Louis. She is/was a victim but that's not a free pass or an excuse.

initially seeing a lot of the discourse around the "bucket of Louisiana fried chicken" line i didn't really want to engage with it, but i do quickly want to reiterate the fact that writers are not their characters. a lot of people have said that Rolin, Hannah and the rest of the writers are racist for having this line in the script, despite the fact that it is DANIEL who says the line. a line that is completely in character for him as someone who has displayed micro-aggressions throughout seasons one and two.

the logic that the writers wrote a piece of character dialogue (that is very realistic for said character to have said) that was racist, therefore meaning that the writers support racists or are racist themselves is incredibly flawed. because that would also mean that the writers who have also written the horrific storylines like gabistat are suddenly pro-incest and grooming? of course not! this is of course not in defence of writers who use their characters as mouth-pieces or shields to get away with saying very hateful/harmful things, but this simply is not that kind of show that does that, and with the dark nature of this show, the idea that the writers with all agree with the actions the characters make is absurd.

secondly, i am black. and my next few words are not to be aimed at you specifically, but i think it is about time i do mention something that has been really affecting me as a black person in this fandom in relation to white responses to presentation of race. firstly, i am of course very appreciative of your awareness of racism/anti-blackness and your commitment to have it unlearned, that does mean a lot. but i have noticed a trend with a lot of white viewers who are using the identification of racism in the narrative as a kind virtue signal for their own interests and/or then weaponising this racism as a way to try and make objective commentary on the quality of the show and its characters. it is becoming frankly exhausting to see white people tell ME (a black person) how i should think and feel about presentations and responses to my own race on screen. i am exhausted with people almost trying to frame competition between Jacob Anderson and Sam Reid (two guys who are literally best friends) by saying that Sam is somehow a worse actor (which he most definitely is not) and that Jacob is leagues better but since Sam got his own season the show must be racist! no. the AWARDS BODIES who overlooked Jacob Anderson for his Emmys are the ones who are racist, NOT the show. it would always be harder to promote a queer horror with blacks leads, especially when it wasn't as big when it was first released, everyone knew what they were getting into. tearing down Sam to try and prop Jacob up is firstly very mean (and inaccurate because both Jacob and Sam put generational performances into this show), and secondly continues to propagate very harmful ideas in current society that black opportunity is made of the "taking of the spaces" of white people through things like DEI. and that black people need to be given advantages to have any of their own talent.

i am grateful that you and others are working hard to stamp out racism, but the belief that this season has suddenly become racist because a white man is the lead of saying things like "if there was a black writer in the writers room they might have made the same argument" just gets nobody anywhere because i, a black person, would have allowed that line to stay in the script had i been in the writer's room. seeing characters like Louis be given arcs and plotlines that people don't feel align with his previous character (despite the fact it does) is not the show being racist.

Louis is hardly in the TVL books i am grateful to the show that they managed to find a way to keep two of their brilliant black actors in the show for another season. racism is bad as we know, and i am not going to pretend that this show is 100% free from it, but when white people come into fandom spaces and make their entire viewing experience of the show some kind of racism-vigilance watch to then express these views i don't always find it productive. because in the mix, the opinions of non-white people (in my case black people) gets trampled on in favour for what a white person thinks is racist and not what a black person thinks is. and obviously again, not specially directed at you, but i do feel that racism is constantly used as a false flag by a lot of white folks when they simply don't like something happening on screen. thankfully not with my blog, but i have seen other black run IWTV blogs like @cbrownjc disagree with something that a white person has deemed as racist, and then be hounded with racial abuse or people questioning her blackness! (clearly it is not about racism but just show choices)

i find a lot of it incredibly performative, and find that it makes a mockery of real life racism (something which i have also explained here). i think it's brilliant you are making a conscious effort to not be racist, but i think a lot of fans approach to this season with saying really odd statements like "oh the quality has dropped because the two black leads aren't focal point anymore" or "there are no black writers in the room that's why it must be so bad" that are just...absurd to me. i adored the first two seasons as a gothic lover, and was even further impressed by the character of Louis and Claudia, not because "oh they were black look! representation!" (because personally though i love her i don't really self-identify with Claudia at all) but because they were black characters who actually had writing of substance that wasn't just some one off story only focused on their racial experiences because we are so much more than that. with statements expecting that non-white characters shouldn't have uncomfortable storylines (e.g. Louis/Regina) sometimes to me feels racist and falls very much into the category of "good black person." white people can love Louis when he is acting "right" but the moment he stops this or behaves differently, this show must be racist and trying to damage his character! as Jacob says: it is the MYTH OF REPRESENTATION. Jacob also says there isn't anything in the scripts character-wise that he and Sam have not approved of. not to say that the opinion one black man speaks for the entire community as a whole, but it just completely dispels this idea that the changes to Louis' character have some insipid racist motivation when the black man who plays him completely understands what this is for his character.

once again, please note that my words here are not directly aimed at you, it is talking of just fandom as a whole and i really do appreciate you reading this far of you have! but it is an issue that really upsets me in this fandom and i have just used this post as an opportunity to express that. seeing blogs in this fandom that aren't black discuss with each other in certain echo chambers about what THEY THINK is racist and then completely sidelining actual black blogs in these conversations does not sit right with me, and comes across as patronising, as though some white fans think they understand something that they can never be a true victim of western society better than someone has lived experience has. and though i can't speak for Rolin and the writers: telling non-white people that you are somehow more educated than them does reek of white supremacy, silencing non-white blogs when they disagree does reek of white supremacy. there have been multiple instances when i have found issue with something that a white blog has deemed as racist and instead have found myself simply blocked or completely ignored (again, not specifically directed at you.)

this is not productive to fight racism if we are only using racism as tool of objective critique. if this show does get cancelled (which it won't) as the Twitter mobs want it to, the only thing it will succeed in doing is removing one of the only current shows that i have ever felt properly identified in the black characters, and one of the only shows where black characters get to interact with gothic horror and embrace queerness in such a high quality way.

Do I actually know more than four colours...?

In pretty much any other sci-fi, in one way or another, aliens are the most important thing to happen to the human race. Encountering aliens might be a near spiritual experience. Just learning that they exist and "we are not alone" is a pivotal moment of great awe (or a moment of great horror and fear that this stellar ocean is much deeper and darker than we thought). Other times aliens represent a reckoning, as we face our own weaknesses and undertake a great battle again the Other (in the literal sense) or against our inner darkness (metaphorically).

In The Murderbot Diaries we totally found aliens! Or at least ruins of alien civilizations... But tell Capt. Picard to put away the flute and the archaeology books- we euphemistically call them "strange synthetics," and instead of revealing deep truths about what it is to be alive, they'll probably just infect you with a bizarre disease that turns you half alien.

*sad flute sounds*

Only idiots mess with that stuff. Even in the Corporation Rim where money is king, mining those ruins for their oh-so-tempting advanced technology is a big no-no, practically the only law that corporations (usually) won't break.

Oh yeah, and there are (probably unintelligent, but it's not really investigated) alien creatures just running around on planets. We aren't studying them for their unique biology and learning how to gene hack ourselves or invent new medicine, they're mostly annoyances who try to eat us (see: literally the first thing that happens in the book and TV series).

Even in learning-and-human-betterment-driven Preservation, there's no evidence of alien archaeologists or xeno-whateverists. No evidence of cultists worshipping aliens or trying to contact them. We just have a bunch of people going about their human (and construct (and bot)) business despite, you know, aliens!

Granted, we're seeing all this through Murderbot's perspective, who clearly has, um, other priorities. But I feel like it would have at least mentioned those people as some kind of extra special idiot.

This isn't a criticism, it's just interesting to me, and I realized a part of me kept waiting for someone to care about the aliens. It certainly has historical context- some cultures met and established trade and mutual exchange, while others were, well, like the conquistadors meeting native flora, fauna, and people in new lands... that stuff was mostly in their way. And given that it's "just" ruins, there are certainly many, many cases where we've built whole cities on top of old ones without a second thought for history (yes, the opposite is also true again... Humans are complicated).

art block is your brain telling you to do studies.

draw a still life. practice some poses. sketch some naked people. do a color study. try out a different technique on a basic shape.

art block doesnt stop you from drawing, it stops you from making your drawings look the way you want them to. and thats because you need to push your skills to the next level so you can preform at that standard

Write a description of an object. write the weather today. Write a made up characterization of a random photo of an actor from the internet as to the character they are in that picture. Write a little story about your pet’s day. Write about spilling soup and make it super dramatic and tragic. Write about someone’s day being ruined and make it funny. Write a meetcute coffeeshop AU of two OCs you’d never put together- maybe from different stories. Write them breaking up.

"The Company is cheap" is people's "It's all Airplane's fault" in this fandom. (Airplane being the joke escapegoat/plot-hole-excuse from the SVSSS fandom).

The Company are cheap but I feel it's being conflated and misconstrued?? Beyond it's original context.

I think Murderbot calls the Company cheap, but it's best interpreted as the Company squeezing blood out of stone, really really thoroughly using, predatorily, every scrape of service they can out of SecUnits, sending the horse to glue factory sort of situation and feeding the meat to dogs, rather than not investing in the effectiveness of their weapons and shields and spyware.

There was a fun series of fics that explored CombatUnits and oooh was it juicy regarding the sheer technological advancement and care and deliberate "graceful degradation" put into Combats (the body horror!) but also how brutally pragmatic they were with scraping off the organic bits about a year into the Combats life and reusing the inorganic parts. Which is- exactly how you'd treat a weapon. You don't want your weapon to be ineffective. So you will build it durable and deadly because that's necessary otherwise you've wasted money. But... you can also refurb that fucker to hell and back as necessary. Brutal pragmatism. Less about being cheap. More about being very clinical and getting EXACTLY what you paid for, and more, squeezing blood out of stone.

When Murderbot says "cheap" you have to understand this is from the perspective of a living weapon. The Company isn't cheap in the sense that they wouldn't pay for whatever gives them an advantage. Because they absolutely would invest. They're cut-throat and as such want sharp knives. Cheap = the Company simply doesn't value life, personhood, or a gentle retirement for its SecUnits.

The Company knows and deliberately budgets for clients/prey who they don't see as a significant enough financial loss if they die, to carry greater risk. In financial terms, they have very precise and calculated "risk appetites". This translates to every second, every Joules of energy, budgeted for safe-keeping property/clients/prey whilst maintaining a good enough perceived reputation to not scare off future clients/prey.

The Company isn't "cheap". But Murderbot knows its specific personal value is cheap in the eyes of the Company. And so are the lives of its clients, if the Company can get away with it. Better yet, if they can make a profit off of equipment failure, why not set an "acceptable" (relative to average market standard) failure rate.

So don't portray the Company as dumb and inefficient. It's very calculated and efficient. The system does what it's intended to do. The Company is deliberate with. Every. Single. Penny.

"The Company is cheap" is people's "It's all Airplane's fault" in this fandom. (Airplane being the joke escapegoat/plot-hole-excuse from the SVSSS fandom).

The Company are cheap but I feel it's being conflated and misconstrued?? Beyond it's original context.

I think Murderbot calls the Company cheap, but it's best interpreted as the Company squeezing blood out of stone, really really thoroughly using, predatorily, every scrape of service they can out of SecUnits, sending the horse to glue factory sort of situation and feeding the meat to dogs, rather than not investing in the effectiveness of their weapons and shields and spyware.

There was a fun series of fics that explored CombatUnits and oooh was it juicy regarding the sheer technological advancement and care and deliberate "graceful degradation" put into Combats (the body horror!) but also how brutally pragmatic they were with scraping off the organic bits about a year into the Combats life and reusing the inorganic parts. Which is- exactly how you'd treat a weapon. You don't want your weapon to be ineffective. So you will build it durable and deadly because that's necessary otherwise you've wasted money. But... you can also refurb that fucker to hell and back as necessary. Brutal pragmatism. Less about being cheap. More about being very clinical and getting EXACTLY what you paid for, and more, squeezing blood out of stone.

When Murderbot says "cheap" you have to understand this is from the perspective of a living weapon. The Company isn't cheap in the sense that they wouldn't pay for whatever gives them an advantage. Because they absolutely would invest. They're cut-throat and as such want sharp knives. Cheap = the Company simply doesn't value life, personhood, or a gentle retirement for its SecUnits.

The Company knows and deliberately budgets for clients/prey who they don't see as a significant enough financial loss if they die, to carry greater risk. In financial terms, they have very precise and calculated "risk appetites". This translates to every second, every Joules of energy, budgeted for safe-keeping property/clients/prey whilst maintaining a good enough perceived reputation to not scare off future clients/prey.

The Company isn't "cheap". But Murderbot knows its specific personal value is cheap in the eyes of the Company. And so are the lives of its clients, if the Company can get away with it. Better yet, if they can make a profit off of equipment failure, why not set an "acceptable" (relative to average market standard) failure rate.

So don't portray the Company as dumb and inefficient. It's very calculated and efficient. The system does what it's intended to do. The Company is deliberate with. Every. Single. Penny.

moreso like "if i use this gun to shoot 1 bullet through two people, i save a bullet. if i can convince this politician to pay more next time by strategically giving them bad equipment, i will"

At the start of my employment, my boss showed me videos of people stealing, and we both had a chuckle about it. How silly they were! There was a camera overhead, and it’s not to watch the shoppers. See, we can’t actually stop shoplifters. They get away with it maybe nine out of ten times. But we, who are watched and tallied and witnessed? We are always caught.

At first it was hard to hold one hundred dollars bills. An amount I had never seen before. An amount that didn’t exist in my household. It’s normal now. Here is something that is not for me.

“What the hell, I’ll take another,” says the man, pondering our 200 dollar watches. What the hell. Total comes to 580 and not even a flinch in his face. I have been working for 11 hours today and made only 110 dollars. It will go to my rent. Today I work for free, it feels. When I get my check, I will have 35 dollars left for food and saving.

The six hundreds he hands me go into the cash register. For a moment, I imagine having money. Then I put it away, counting out his change.

I know for a fact we sell our products for double what they are worth. That I could be making commission. That they could hand me those 580 dollars and change my life and not even mark the difference in their checkbooks. He’s not the only sale they make today, but I am the reason they made it. He’s not the only one spending 600 dollars, but if I hadn’t spent two hours with him telling me about his life, he wouldn’t have spent any. I go home. I don’t own a watch.

I have watched and rewatched a video on how to make salmon four ways. My shopping list is always the same. Pasta. Rice. Tuna. If I can afford butter it was a good week. I dream of the world I will never walk in, where I can throw the best fish fillet in the cart with a shrug. I hold hundreds in my hand and look up at the camera. I put them under the cash drawer.

I go to work. I scrap together my savings. I eat my bowl of rice slowly. My manager takes a paid week off from work just for his birthday. He owns a yacht. 

i was part of their college program. i moved to the state for it. they legally owned the building i was living in and still charged me rent. i ostensibly was being charged to work for them. it was a 2 bedroom apartment and they placed 6 adult women in it in forced triples.

as many as one in ten disney employees have experienced homelessness while working for the company. despite huge efforts to unionize, strike, or otherwise demand fair treatment; disney has refused to increase employee quality of life.

disney admits publicly that a good portion of their success is because the employees (“cast members”) are dedicated, passionate, and selfless. this is never reflected in pay. even “face” characters (ie those that are princesses etc) make barely above a minimum wage.

at the time that i worked there, i made $8.50 an hour. at one point i was asked to create a human shield around a bag because a bomb dog had alerted to it. for eight fucking dollars an hour.

i now work a very cushy office job. i have bought the salmon and cooked it all four ways.

i go to the store. i am nice to the person behind the counter. she looks up at the camera while she counts out my change. there is nothing fundamentally different about her and i.

me too wade, me too

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