About 2 days ago, I was dosed with 25mg of psilocybin as part of a research study at our university. I had never taken a psychedelic in my life. I signed up on a lark, figuring that it'd be a fun experience if nothing else. What I did not expect is that it'd be the most profound experience of my life.
The researchers told me that I took to it like a duck to water. Of the 40 odd people they'd dosed in the study before me, none had allowed it to move so uninhibited through their psyche. And none had narrated the whole experience as I had. They called my trip a "goldmine of data" and told me I would help so many people because of it.
I don't really remember having narrated anything though. Sure, I remember talking to myself, but what could I have said that anyone else would understand? I can't imagine how I would have even been capable of describing the experience. How do you tell someone that you've passed beyond space and time? How do you describe hearing the music that created the universe? How do you describe merging with that music and becoming more than yourself? How do you tell them that everything that is you dissolved completely?
And how do you describe coming back to yourself slowly like grains of sand being buffeted by sound waves; the waves pushing them together and forming you again? And you're you, but not the same you that you were before.
They had me fill out pages of questionnaires and put me in an MRI machine to look for new synapses in my brain. They made sure I was "okay" and sent me home. And I tried and tried to tell people about it, but the more I described it, the less transcendent it became. The more I tried to share the experience, the more the most profound experience of my life was diminished. They didn't prepare me for that part. Going from feeling connected to everything that ever was or ever will be to being you again, isolated, and unable to share the experience with anyone.
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