Out of business

so my friend and i are baking and i was like here butter the pan and then she grabbed my arm and rubbed butter on me and then i remembered im pan

this is the most Acme image i’ve seen in my life

[Looney Tunes theme plays in the distance]

"how are you doing?" [makes several vague hand gestures and various noises rather than giving an actual answer]

My uncle’s sugar daddy is sitting next to me, showing me pictures of his cat

There are sentences I expect to read and then there’s this

once i was sick so i got a prescription for codeine cough syrup and when i went to pick it up the pharmacist was like “you really won’t need all of this” and i was like “it’s ok i could just sell it at school” and he was like “YEAAAAAAAH FUTURE PHARMACIST” and fist bumped me

ok apparently this pharmacist is my brother’s old pot dealer

his name is scooter

The innovators of tomorrow

laziness is the mother of invention

My people

Innovative mother fuckers

who even uses celsius… like how extra

why are there nail guns but no nail rifles. i want to be able to build a deck from 100 meters away.

[clicks on a person’s url to see how they’re doing after being dragged on their own post]

today this guy in my class asked me why my eyeliner is on point but my handwriting sucks