Mariah

He was his own

And their own

Always ignorant

Never consistent

No, never mine

There when he wanted

Gone when he pleased

He was never loyal

Never cherished me

Never mine love

The attention he craved

Smiles he made

Sexiness he portrayed

Was never mine

Nope

He thinks we were great

But we both know

It was never “our” love

To another

We have been the best

And the worst lovers

Our story was beautiful

Real and raw

But bountiful

We’ve seen it all

Given everything we’ve been through…

“I love you”

Means more

I cry a lot but not because I want you

Because I miss love

I miss the feeling of freedom

That comes with hours long calls at night

I miss the joy

Of running through fountains in the city

I miss the calm

That comes with laying on a firm chest

I miss the refreshing smells

Of a fresh shower and spicy cologne

I miss the pride

Of making an entrance on a strong arm

I miss the safety

That comes with a deep connection

I miss the brightness

That came with thinking of our future

I miss believing

How can I be so happy,

And so pessimistic?

How can I perceive the world as so hurtful,

And still hold kindness as a virtue?

How can I be so blindly angry,

And so in love I couldn’t bear walking away?

How do I find beauty in myself,

Fully, wholeheartedly

And I have decided to give myself time for this

As my body heals,

So will my heart

And when the last scratches and bruises are through….

So will I, with this process

I will either heal with you

Too damaged by your actions

Mentally and emotionally

For betraying my vulnerability

While my armor was down

That’s just what happens

When you let people get close

You don’t have to love me for it

You don’t even have to like me

But if you are going to give me a shot

Give me an honest one, a real one

Not some in between

Where loyalty fades behind the scenes

If I’m not for you

Then we should have been through

A long time ago

Yet, here we are

You broke it

But… you don’t have to fix it

I don’t have to trust you

And you don’t have to earn it.

Walk away

Be grateful for the course

As I do the same

I’ll turn it into peace.

It was yourself you were lying too.

It was never about me.

I hope you get exactly what you desired.

Your sins have been received.

Don’t worry what I believed.

Your soul is now relieved.

I’ll promise you my absence,

Early morning dew

A light chill in the air

Sun shining down

And proud bed hair

The sound of brewing coffee

Is a personal melody

A waking up anthem

That has become so dear to me

My favorite drink

In my favorite mug

He has a crack on his side

But his painted smile offers a hug

My favorite chair

In a spot with warm rays

Animal feeders everywhere

So we can all begin our days

Just me and nature

In honest content

Sharing peace every morning

My heart froze

The tears were the catalyst

When the storm came

The salted drops and broken pieces

Were bound as one

Now frigid… and solid… and whole

Impenetrable

All the years the hearth has been fed

Not once did the flame waver

But the ice has turned

What was warm to stone

As my radiated love

Was a victim of circumstance

The world’s circumstance

Time, age, place

Family, friends, lovers…

Strangers

The world doesn’t deserve my fire

It never did

In turn

It created

What it deserved

An ice queen

The whole time I could feel you were uneasy

What you don’t know… is you created a space of intimacy that developed itself honestly, with me

I could feel you wandering if the game was a test

But nothing you said would have made me feel about you less, or make us regress

You’re so sweet to try to “save me” from my emotions but it really doesn’t matter to me if I show them

My emotions are far from a weakness

What I lack in discreetness, I make up for in realness

To me the opposite is true about your discreetness, it makes me distrust your realness

-Riah

Are always the last words they say…

But if I was such a good woman

Was that love makes you earn

It holds a mirror to you

Asking “But what have you learned?”

“The lessons I’ve given you

Are here to undo

The walls before your heart

To allow something new”

Meeting the reflection

Is something of an affliction

Until you find the direction

Of your soul’s inhibitions

It’s in these moments

That love hold you accountable

Forcing the gaze

Into something surmountable

It’s not about getting

It right the first try

But more about keeping

The vision in your eye

So don’t break the gaze

Until you work for the next phase

And continue the lessons

This difference makes us deft

You work in logic, while I tune in emotion

Which is something of a token

When there’s a challenging ahead

I’ll let you take the lead

Whatever doesn’t make sense to you

Will make sense to me

Between us can be missed connections

But I adore you, and your logical concessions

What was important to me

Became important to you

A title seemed silly

Given all we’ve been through

I simply wanted a sign

That you were concretely mine

Above all else, one thing rings true

And all

That come with it

You make me want to give

You more

Than the little you ask for

Your so in line

With the dreams

I wish to implore

And I’m sure

That I can give you what you ask for

And more

Your faith in me

And the trust you give me

Is more than I need

… because I’m afraid of heights

But I see you down there

Ready to catch me

I’m sweaty, and shaking,

And I can barely breathe

But you’re down there…

They’re ones my own mirror thinks to be wise

I’ve seen the same innocent look

That proves you’ve been open to the hook

I’ve seen the same sparkle of light

When a first date was going so right

I’ve seen the same pain

When the people closest to us are full of disdain

I’ve seen the vulnerability behind those earthy tones

That makes you feel the moment in your bones

These deep brown eyes of yours

Are ones that endure

Of all else, I’d like to reassure

That looking in your eyes is…

In fact…