hey guys! i’m working out scenarios and stories in my head. this is just a snippet of one. lmk if you wanna see more or if its meh.

TW: self harm (burns)

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It was annoying to Aizawa how good she looked. From the way her hair flowed like she was in slow motion to the makeup on her face. He had spent years disliking her for leaving him while she galavanted off to who-knows-where to do who-knows-what. Her red hair was shorter compared to when they were kids. It hit just past her shoulders, in some sort of half up half down look. The time away had tanned her skin incredibly, giving it a healthy glow. He could only guess she was embracing her American side. Just the thought left a warm feeling in his stomach that he quickly put out. They weren’t kids anymore, he couldn’t just rely on his school yard crush to take over the minute he saw a sparkle in her turquoise eyes. Plus they looked too similar to one of his student’s eyes. Aizawa had to get a grip.

She wore a cream colored turtleneck tucked into jeans. Only a few people knew what lay under the wool material, scratching against the ribbed skin that had healed itself many years before. The burns had been self-inflicted. Aizawa could still remember her tears as the wounds slowly bled. The feeling of her soft hand held in his as she trembled from the remnants of the pain. How ashamed she had felt from falling for the whispers from the shadows. But she had been so determined to be better than Enji that she did anything to be a step up. To be seen as worthy.

But that had been in their second year. Time had passed and Aizawa was a different person. He had responsibilities that he couldn’t drop just because she fluttered her eyelashes and sent him a smile only meant for him. He remembered the days in their shared apartment, when they were fresh out of UA. The two would stay in bed on their off days, whispering things that Aizawa would rather leave between them and holding one another. Now Aizawa slept alone in his bed at Heights Alliance, glad they only gave him a twin sized mattress that left him with little to no extra room.

A soft smile stretched across her lips, something sad lingering just past the surface. The teachers watched as she raised her hand as a greeting. Aizawa could feel Hizashi getting excited next to him. Of course the blond was excited. He didn’t have to deal with the heartache and the burning eyes when she left. Hizashi got a simple note that he still didn’t let Aizawa read.

The students of classes 1A and 1B watched as this new woman stepped up in front of them. Nobody recognized her from anywhere. They wouldn’t have unless they happened to be some UA super fan. If they were, they’d know one of the most promising and powerful students to ever walk the halls was in front of them. But her hero career hadn’t been what she thought it would be and suddenly she was a nobody in the eyes of these teenagers. And surprisingly? She didn’t care. To come in with a clean slate felt nice. Their watchful eyes caught on to Aizawa’s tension and her nerves, but nobody could guess the story. Well, except for Todoroki, but that’s only because Natsuo and Fuyumi filled him in a couple nights before.

“Students,” Nezu said in a calming voice. “We have a real treat. This is Dai Todoroki, a very esteemed UA alumna.”

The woman laughed softly and shook her head. “Esteemed might be too strong of a word in this instance.”

Nezu shot her a knowing look before continuing. “Due to the recent villain attacks, I thought I could bring her on as one more combat training teacher. I’m sure her smarts and power could rival any of your favorite heroes.”

Bakugo let out a scoff. Some glanced at him, but others ignored. The main spot where eyes landed was the nervous All-Might who stood the farthest down the line of teachers. The expectation of one of the strongest heroes in history being matched by this random woman in front of them felt preposterous. His fingers fidgeted as he looked through the crowd. There was  a nervous energy about All-Might and only a couple of students noted how he didn’t once look at Dai since she had come into the training facility. His eyes landed on Midoriya, sending him a ‘see-me-after-this-is-over’ look for a quick second before continuing. Bakugo also received one, though it was even quicker than Midoriya’s.

“I’m sure you will all help me in making her feel welcomed back into the UA family.”

The bell rang, concluding the small year one assembly. As the students began to head to lunch, a small buzz of whispers floated in the air. The students were keeping an eye on her as she turned to the teachers. Her smile turned into a nervous baring of teeth in her slow turn towards her peers. Hizashi was quick to pull her into a hug, damning the rules of professionalism. A genuine laugh escaped her lips as she wrapped her arms around his torso. The two spun around for a moment before he let her down, cupping both her cheeks and smiling down at her.

“You look gorgeous!” Hizashi exclaimed. “The short look suits you.”

Dai giggled and brushed it off her shoulder. “Thank you.”

Her voice was softer than anyone remembered. No one could have guessed what happened in those ten years that she had been away. In fact, as Aizawa chose to get a closer look, he noticed that a lot of things had softened around her. The defined muscles she used to have were gone and a little more weight was added, making her curvier than she already was. Not to mention how the aura around her was not as determined nor fiery as Aizawa remembered. She was now in her thirties, a calm woman who looked like she could have an office job that gave her vacation days.

Dai’s eyes glanced over the teachers. While her eyes lingered on Aizawa, he noticed that it was him that was making her nervous. She played with her own fingers, grazing over a ring on her left middle finger that Aizawa had never seen before. It was a thin silver band. Plain and nothing exciting. Dai kept her eyes moving until they reached All Might, who was nervous looking at the door, trying to figure out an excuse to go talk to Midoriya and Bakugo. Or in a better use of words, warn them about their new teacher. It was in that moment that both Hizashi and Aizawa watched a familiar flame in her eye get cast. An old determination seemed to fill her as she smirked.

Ok so this is… a supremely based post that I’m basically just writing for myself.

I’m a HUGE fan of The Mountain Goats!!! They’re literally my favorite band ever and I seriously never shut up about their music, and for the past…… 2? Months?? I’ve been quietly assigning every BSD character a Mountain Goats song. I put the title along with some of the most fitting lyrics – if you’ve heard these songs before, that’s awesome!! If you’ve never heard any of them, I hope this post introduces you to some cool new music!! <3 

I’m sorry this deviates so much from my normal posts!! I promise to start answering asks again soon, thank you guys again so much for supporting me

warning: this is super super long and has some manga characters!!!

Here’s a playlist with all the songs you can listen along to!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/70lforTQDrvHxgPad0SZ3V?si=6e2314f06eb0466c

I KNOW I’M SO LAME FOR NOT LIKING ATSUSHI 😭 I swear I like him a little, he just seriously is not all that interesting to me. It’s hard for me to like protagonists because there’s not as much wiggle room for interpretation y’know?? I need a challenge 😭 and if you see everything from their perspective then you already know how their mind works

(Also I just like to be controversial and rag on the “wholesome” fan favorites 😈 As part of my agenda to have sucky opinions)

Since you asked for Fyodor/Hunting Dogs opinions, I decided to (finally) revisit my tier list!! I’d like to entirely credit my 180 turnaround on Ango to @hickey-express-conductor-ranpo , Syd’s love for this man rubbed off on me 😫 Also tbh there aren’t really any characters I genuinely dislike?? I just like some better than others 😏

Ok, I wasn’t originally gonna post this, but @dazais-mommy and @hickey-express-conductor-ranpo hyped me up and inflated my MASSIVE ego enough for me to share this. This is what I imagine every character’s “toxic trait” (well… they’re more like annoying habits) to be!!

manga only characters under the cut!

Mori – Other than the… Everything? Throwing pistachio shells at other executives when they’re pissing him off.

Higuchi – Will talk about people while they’re in the room, but she’s a loud whisperer.

Hirotsu – Clips his nails in public and doesn’t throw away the clippings.

Tachihara – Super passive aggressive. He doesn’t seem like the type, but if he’s genuinely mad about something, he’ll start acting curt.

Akutagawa – Goes to work when he’s sick, gets EVERYONE ELSE sick, and then goes baby mode and acts like he’s dying. Like ok good job bozo, there’s no one to take care of you now!!

Q – Lies about it being their birthday to get free stuff from restaurants and new mafia recruits.

Kajii – Turns down people’s music without asking if he deems it “too loud”. If you’re playing music on your phone and you have a notification when he does this, he’ll read it out to you.

Chuuya – Quotes classic Tumblr posts and if people laugh, he’ll try to pass them off like his own original jokes.

Kouyou – Catastrophizes everything. She won’t panic, but she will incite unnecessary worry in her close circle of subordinates by telling them to “prepare for the worst” over something that is not a big deal. 

Gin – When doing something with a group, she never wants to be the tiebreaker even if it’s necessary. Tachihara and Hirotsu will be split on what to do for lunch and she’ll just shrug. 

Ango – Interrupts people like crazy, and then keeps going unless someone calls him out.

Oda – He forgets to tell people important things happening in his life, but he can’t keep secrets for shit. 

Yosano – Doesn’t bother to clean up her workspace. If someone trips on her supplies, all the better for her – she gets to fix them up.

Ranpo – Will stick chewed gum in places other people can easily reach instead of throwing it away.

Atsushi – Assumes everyone thinks the worst of him and responds accordingly. It’s annoying trying to compliment him, he won’t accept it at all.

Dazai – This is a 2-in-1. He’ll lie about being incapable of doing stuff (just out of pure laziness), so when people take pity on him and subsequently don’t invite him out to activities because he’s “too tired”, he gets really offended about it.

Tanizaki – Asks questions he doesn’t want to know the answer to, and when he gets said answer, he’s very obviously upset about it the whole rest of the day. 

Kunikida – #1 grudge holder. He’ll give you the cold shoulder so long you literally forget what he was even upset about in the first place.

Fukuzawa – His love of Ranpo’s windowsill bird. No, actually, his real toxic trait is his immediate resort to violence for everything. The microwave’s broken? That blows… Don’t worry, I’ve got this. *destroys it with sword*

Kyouka – Painfully blunt. She doesn’t realize she’s hurting people’s feelings when she’s telling them they’re annoying or those clothes look ugly.

Naomi – Always trying to discuss things at inopportune times. No, Naomi, everyone’s clocking out. No one has time to talk about the thing you saw on Twitter an hour ago.

Kenji – Borrows things without asking. He forgets he’s not on a farm where everyone shares everything anymore.

Katai – Makes people feel super bad for misspelling or mispronouncing words. He doesn’t realize after a while it stops being funny.

Mitchell – Tips embarrassingly low at restaurants.

Poe – Works himself into a spiral over nothing, and instead of talking to the perpetrator about the problem, will snap and do something really rude like a week later.

Twain – Doesn’t always have the social awareness to realize there are things people don’t want brought up. He’ll accidentally embarrass people by bringing up a “funny story” that’s not only not funny, but also something they didn’t want to be reminded of.

Melville – Will blow people off over the dumbest things. Oh, sorry for missing the Guild meeting we planned 3 weeks in advance, I was reading the TV guide. What the FUCK

Fitzgerald – Will complain about something and then end it with, “not you, though. You’re fine.” He means this to be genuine, but then it just makes it look like it is about you??

Lucy – Gets an idea in her head, commits to it, and gets upset when no one can read her mind and it doesn’t happen. Like, she’ll really want to go get coffee with Atsushi, and when he doesn’t offer because she doesn’t tell him this idea, she’ll give him the cold shoulder. 

Louisa – Won’t correct people, so they find out like 3 months later they’ve been doing something totally wrong and she knew the whole time.

Steinbeck – Won’t advocate for himself even if someone is asking him to do something he knows is wrong, but will he bitch about it to anyone who gives him the time of day? Of course.

Hawthorne – He’ll actually laugh at things with swear words in them if no one’s around, but if there’s anyone nearby, he has to make it VERY clear he disapproves. He’ll huff and puff at people for watching the same stuff around him.

Lovecraft – Nothing. He’s perfect.

Shibusawa – Everything. Just kidding – if he wants to do something and everyone else wants to do something else, he pouts until they cave. He’s not above sighing and pretending to be on the verge of tears.

Fyodor – If he doesn’t like or want to do something, it won’t get done. Like, he only eats with disposable silverware because he hates doing dishes.

Ivan – Makes faces at people when they say something he disagrees with, and then denies it when questioned. 

Hey guys, thank you so much for 120 followers!! I never expected this blog to get the traction it has, and I seriously appreciate each and everyone one of you. Thank you so much for all your requests, likes, reblogs, and sweet comments! It makes my day! <3

On that note, I’m sorry I haven’t been posting as much!! Life’s been busy lately, but hopefully soon I’ll be back in a posting routine 

Here’s some random character headcanons to celebrate 100+ followers!!

Mark Twain

The king of Tetris. Literally spends ~40% of his free time just honing his Tetris skills

Speaking of games, he also still regularly logs onto Webkinz. He has 3 – a chihuahua named Clemens, a hippo named Polly, and black bear named Duke. Their little virtual mansion is pimped the fuck out

He’s won the top scores for Candy Bash and Smoothie Moves a couple of times before 

He’s the BEST with directions. He’s a great navigator, and he’s also surprisingly good at telling other people how to get places

Twain’s got a great memory too – he only has to go somewhere once to have it down. Oh, you want KFC? Great, there’s one 2 blocks down on the right. He passed it on the way to the grocery store a couple weeks ago and committed it to memory 

Twain went through a phase where he was really committed to wearing a wallet chain. He got on this track of needing a “signature accessory”, and everyone had to talk him out of it

He went through a phase where he REALLY wanted to be a marine biologist. He and Melville watch ocean documentaries together and bond over fun facts about sea creatures

Melville obviously is a big whale person, but Twain really loves turtles. He’ll stop at any body of water and look for turtles sitting on a rock or something

He also knows a surprising amount about boats. He can drive one, and he can usually tell what make and model a boat is when they pass one 

Doppo Kunikida 

This man has a secret love of dirt and worm sundaes, and it’s something he can never justify getting for himself, so he always has to talk someone else (namely Atsushi) into getting one they don’t want so he can be all, “ugh, I can’t believe you’re wasting perfectly good food like that! Here, give it to me.” 

Dazai’s caught onto this, so sometimes he’ll put up a fake fight for it just to put Kunikida on the spot

“Oh nooo, I know you don’t want that, you have sensitive teeth! Let me help you out!” “No, I’ll just eat it. It’s no trouble.” “Oh, I get it! Does our very own stick-in-the-mud Kunikida have a secret sweet tooth???” “…I -” “Just kidding~! You can have it. I’m lactose intolerant!” 

Every time he’s at an outdoor event with other people (usually a detective agency group thing), he keeps an extra jacket tied around his waist. Someone ALWAYS forgets a jacket, and for some reason, they ALWAYS ask Kunikida if he has a spare. He’s learned to adapt

Kunikida took up felting a couple years ago, and he’s gotten really good at it. Sometimes, he’ll go over to Katai’s and the two of them will just sit there and work on their respective hobbies. 

If Kunikida’s particularly proud of what he’s made, he’ll give it to Katai. Katai currently has a growing collection of felt mice in funny themed outfits because of this 

Kunikida, for YEARS, was super proud of never breaking a bone; he’d find any way to bring this up in conversation to people who didn’t know him very well. That was until the president broke his wrist in a rooftop spar during Kunikida’s martial arts training 

Fukuzawa felt super bad about it even though Kunikida knew the risks, and Kunikida was deep in denial that it was broken.

“I think I’m just cold. Sometimes my skin gets red and bloated if I’m cold.” “Kunikida, you can’t move your wrist. Please go talk to Yosano. It’s broken.” “I don’t know. I think it’s just frozen up from the cold.” “It’s 12°C.”

He has no boundaries when it comes to correcting people on things. Like, Kunikida has no qualms about going up to just going right up to Dazai and fixing his tie if it’s looking loose, or wiping food off Atsushi’s face with a napkin. If someone says it makes them uncomfortable, he’ll be super apologetic and back off, but he genuinely thinks he’s being helpful

Not like anyone tells him to stop it anyways – everyone but Atsushi is used to Kunikida just doing shit like rolling their shirts with a lint roller while they work, and Atsushi is stunned into silence every time it happens 

Ango Sakaguchi 

He pierced his own ear in high school with an apple slice and a thumb tack. He took out the earring when he got his government job and “turned over a new leaf”, but you can still see the scar if you look closely 

It’s hard to believe he went through a delinquent phase. This man’s favorite snack is pretzel sticks with mayo because “mustard is too strong”

Fall is his favorite season by process of elimination. Summer is too hot for him, winter is too cold, and spring makes his allergies crop up. He always finds something about the weather to complain about, but autumn isn’t too bad 

Also, he’d never admit it, but he gets WAY into Halloween. He always has a stupid high concept costume and gets excited when Oda inevitably has to ask him to explain it

He’s had to get some really weird requirements for espionage jobs. He’s a licensed auctioneer, makeup artist, funeral attendant, and travel agent

Ango’s also an ordained minister. Dazai found this out years ago and went mad with power begging Ango to marry him off to random shit (“What about that chair? Or that old woman we keep seeing at the market?? Ango we should get married just to see how legit the process is!”) 

Ango was big into Transformers growing up, and he still has a soft spot in his heart for them as an adult. He def made Oda and Dazai come with him to see the movies opening night in theaters

He’s literally the worst gift giver!! It’s not like Ango doesn’t care, he just always holds out until the last possible minute because he thinks something better will come along. And then it’s, like, Christmas day and the scrapbook kit he was going to get Oda isn’t there anymore so he just has to get some weird knick-knack from antique shop

Louisa May Alcott 

Louisa went through a HUGE sitcom phase. Friends, The Office, Seinfeld, 30 Rock, etc… She’s really embarrassed to bring it up, but she still has based and strong opinions on every show she’s seen 

Louisa has a popular Tumblr blog based around rewriting sitcoms. She’s actually super funny when she’s not worried about impressing people, and her writing talent extends beyond strategy reports. She’s embarrassed about writing what is essentially, y’know, Seinfeld fanfiction, but she has quite the following and the creative outlet is good for her

She never turns down Girl Scouts when they come around selling cookies. Women supporting women and also… she loves those Do-si-Dos

She used to be a Girl Scout, so she feels some sort of camaraderie with the girls every time the come to her door 

Louisa has a penpal from Poland she writes to regularly. They’ve had a correspondence for almost six years, and Louisa has pictures of her sitting on her desk. The two of them keep planning to meet, but every time they start locking down dates, something comes up with Fitzgerald and the Guild

The two of them Skype when they can, though! They always do something special for their “anniversary” 

Had she not joined the Guild, she was planning on studying medicine and becoming a nurse. She worked at a pharmacy for a little bit before meeting Fitzgerald

She has a really strong interest in politics, but she feels like she doesn’t know enough about them. It’s a weird contrast because Louisa is pretty shy, so she won’t make a lot of conversation with other Guild members, but she has no qualms asking for their political opinions

Like, Steinbeck will ask how her day is and she’s all “uhm… you know… fine…….” and then hits him with the “do you believe in socialized healthcare?” 

Kyouka Izumi

Average Zoboomafoo enjoyer. She got into it recently too, which is really strange but unsurprising 

She literally uses the office printer to print Zoboomafoo pictures to tape to the dorm wall. Posters are for the weak of will. She’s unfazed by the lack of cyan ink that makes it so all her photos print fucky

Tanizaki helps her with this – he knows the printer better than anyone because every time it’s broken, nobody else will step up to fix it

Her secret dream is learning how to weld. She keeps trying to convince Atsushi to take a class with her, but he’s too scared of burning or blinding himself. 

“You wear gloves. And your face is covered. It can’t hurt you… We could do it together. Wouldn’t that be fun?” “I… I don’t know how comfortable I’d be holding a torch…”  

It’s really hard to follow Kyouka telling a story because when she talks about something, she’ll just assume you know way more than you do. She doesn’t clarify any of the people involved because she just… thinks you know all of them?? 

“It was really nice the other day when we went to the park… And then when he tried to feed those ducks and fell… That was really funny.” “…Kyouka, who are you talking about.” “When we went to the park.” “No, you and who else?” “…Atsushi?” “…Wait, when did he fall in a pond?!” 

She just will seriously start from the middle of a story and keep going as if you witnessed it yourself. Be prepared to ask so many questions 

She loves Owl City and plays their songs for the office on her little iDog speaker. Her favorite song is The Bird And The Worm 

Other than Atsushi, Ranpo, and Naomi, Kyouka actually gets along surprisingly well with Kunikida. She got it in her head for some reason that Kunikida didn’t like her and she’d be fired for it?? So she started drawing him sticky note doodles to win his favor

He comes back from lunch to a little drawing of a bunny with a rattail, notebook, and glasses on a post-it, and sees Kyouka just staring at him hopefully from her desk 

3 days later, she comes back from a case to a little felt bunny with a kimono and a cellphone sitting on her chair

Nikolai Gogol

He doesn’t swear and he doesn’t drink caffeine. He claims not cursing “forces him to be creative”, and he’s genuinely convinced coffee is a gateway drug to a life of addiction. Which, I mean, I guess?? But Gogol you’re not on the slippery slope to crack because you drank a Diet Coke once 

Gogol makes all of his own outfits. Literally everything he wears was sewn by him – he doesn’t trust stores to have clothes he’d actually want

This also means he’s the designated seamstress of the Decay of Angels. Fyodor’s had to ask Gogol to sew buttons back on his coat an embarrassing number of times 

“I know how to sew buttons, Gogol. I just haven’t had the time.” “Suuure Dos-kun, it’s not like you hate pricking your finger on the needle or anything.” “…I mean, I won’t pretend that’s not part of it.”

We’ve seen how good his acting skills are, but his real talent lies in impressions. Like, he could genuinely be a voice actor with how well he can mimic other people. He just has to hear them in a conversation once and he’s good to go

He has a super obnoxious laugh (in an endearing way)!! If he finds something really funny, he’ll straight up cackle. It sounds like he’s choking on a piece of steak, but higher and more nasally 

Gogol sleeps like at completely random times, but no matter when he goes to bed, he makes sure to get 9 uninterrupted hours of sleep. Sometimes it’s 4 AM to 1 PM, sometimes it’s 8 PM to 5 AM, whatever. He’s super concerned that if he doesn’t get exactly 9 hours, he’ll be like, crazy from sleep deprivation or something

Anything that messes with his ability to think is a no-go for him. He likes to be completely in control of all of his actions

Gin Akutagawa

Gin has a pink DSi she uses solely for Nintendogs. She has a Husky (named Sugar), a Dachshund (Box), and a Shih Tzu (Rudy); they know ALL of the advanced tricks and have a championship win streak 

She also loves buying stickers while she’s out on errands, so it’s covered in little glittery stickers. Her favorite one is an ice cream with a face that says “you’re sweet!” 

She has a ridiculous amount of patience. It’s super hard to faze her with anything, so sometimes Tachihara and Hirotsu will lie about getting into increasingly ridiculous situations just to see how far they can get

“Gin… I hate to be the one to tell you this… But it looks like the boss has ordered us to do a mime routine in the park.” *nods* *scribbles* “…Whaddya mean you can paint our faces?!”

Along with her patience, she has a super strong stomach. She can literally eat a burger while watching Human Centipede. Gore doesn’t bother her at all – of course, it’s not like she’d watch Human Centipede on purpose. Her favorite movie is Love, Actually

Gin LOVES those little Snack Pack pudding cups. She likes the half and half vanilla/chocolate ones the best and forces Akutagawa to buy her more every time they’re out

She has an Abyssian guinea pig named Ladyfinger – one of the ones with the long black and white fur. Gin spends a bunch of time modifying her cage

Gin read somewhere that petting animals is good for mental health, so every time Akutagawa checks on her during guinea pig playtime, she always makes him hold Ladyfinger 

Akutagawa is lowkey allergic, but he loves Gin and, by extension, anything that makes her happy. He always takes a Benadryl before Gin inevitably asks him to brush Ladyfinger’s fur (he pretends to be annoyed, but he actually really enjoys it) 

John Steinbeck

He’s a super funny guy, but he never really has an opportunity to let that shine. It’s only rare moments with Lovecraft that he feels comfortable enough to joke around. He needs someone to play off him 

He also gets kind of close with Twain since they’re close in age, but Twain is really outgoing and boisterous so Steinbeck ends up naturally backing out of the spotlight

Steinbeck’s great at sleight of hand magic tricks, especially card tricks. He learned a bunch of them to entertain his sisters; he’s always jumping to show them off (EXCEPT WHEN FITZGERALD ASKS. Then he pretends he doesn’t feel up to it) 

Having to entertain little kids and himself on a budget has also made him the king of paper football. At home when homework got too boring, he’d just rope whoever was in the closest vicinity to play it with him

He’s surprisingly easy to get along with. People get sort of… Intimidated by him? Because he’s such a farm boy, people are quick to dismiss him as a hick or whatever, but he’s actually a super easy-going person

He’s always trying to find common ground with people and he’s really empathetic? Having sisters did him GOOD because he finds it easy to relate to people 

Steinbeck is the best at telling ghost stories!! Back at home every Halloween, his sisters would get together with some of the other nearby farm kids and Steinbeck’s mom would drive all the little ones into town to trick or treat (since it’s hard to do in the rural area they live – like yeah have fun walking a mile to the next house to get a Snickers bar). When they’d come back to count their candy, Steinbeck would do a dramatic scary story telling 

It was the kid’s favorite part of the night; he’d pull out all the stops… Hitting the lights, shining a flashlight on his face, sometimes even recruiting his mom to help 

He’s a dog person, but cats are naturally drawn to him. He raised some feral kittens that lived in his barn, so all the other cats in the world are like YESS WE LOVE THIS GUY’S ENERGY <333

Higuchi Ichiyo 

Higuchi’s super weak to gambling and has literally the worst luck. She herself and everyone around her is aware of this so usually she can avoid it, but when she gets her hands on a claw machine… Oh god… 

Tachihara has to literally swing her over his shoulder and drag her away from it. She’s in deep denial that claw games are rigged because Gin ALWAYS manages to win a prize at least once, and Higuchi is jealous 

Speaking of Tachihara, the two of them are surprisingly good friends. They have similar tastes in music, so they like to listen to songs and bitch about work together. For Christmas, the two of them made each other mixtapes 

Higuchi just did “TACHIHARA’S TUNES!!!” in bubble letters for Tachihara’s CD case, and Tachihara drew a dragon on the cover of hers

She used to be really serious about martial arts. She’s done both judo and karate; she has all sorts of awards from competitions back when she was in middle school 

She’s debated teaching karate to kids for a while, but decided she probably wouldn’t be that good of a teacher. She doesn’t feel like she has the patience for little kids 

Higuchi complains a lot about hating her name, but whenever someone asks what she’d change it to, she can’t think of anything. She hasn’t thought ahead that far

She knows a lot of home remedies – Higuchi has a secret fear of getting super sick and spending the rest of her life paying off hospital bills, and growing up, her family didn’t have a lot of money for medication. This comes in handy being Akutagawa’s subordinate, since he’s always getting sick and also hates taking pills

Tecchou Suehiro 

He NEVER chews on candy. He has the patience to see how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop 

Also, he just has really bad taste in candy. He literally seeks out circus peanuts and lime tootsie rolls. Tecchou is the reason those candies even exist, because this douchebag is buying them in bulk 

Tecchou has an ant farm. Well, he has several ant farms, because if Jouno gets a hold of them, he breaks them in Tecchou’s bedroom

It doesn’t bother him too much because he always manages to lure the ants back out with sugar, but he doesn’t like cleaning broken glass. He hates the sound of the vacuum cleaner 

Even though he doesn’t have many opportunities to play it, Tecchou is the BEST at tetherball. Be careful, though. He has accidentally knocked people out cold with a swift tetherball to the face 

Speaking of face injuries, Tecchou broke his nose when he was a teenager (he was trying to cross a river, slipped on an unsteady log, and cracked his face on a rock). It wasn’t too bad of a fracture, but if you look closely, you can see his nose is bent slightly to the left.

Tecchou’s so lucky he has to wear a uniform. Whenever he has to pick an outfit for himself, it’s literally a polo shirt, a pair of track pants, and sandals. If he has to look nice, he’ll throw a bowtie into the mix

Michizou Tachihara 

Tachihara completed his Pokedex on Pokemon Go. He’s always loitering around the stops while Black Lizard is out and about 

“Tachihara, keep an eye out. Our target’s coming by soon.” “-and like, Gin, click here. So like, that shows how much experience you have, and-” “TACHIHARA!!!” “OK, OK… Geez… Cool it, old man.” 

HE’S SO AWFUL AT SPORTS, but he’s so deluded… He genuinely thinks he’s not that bad. Catch him single handedly ruining the Port Mafia vs Armed Detective Agency company baseball game 

The only thing he’s even moderately good at is bowling, and that’s sheer luck. He only starts doing well when he gives up and decides he “doesn’t really care about the game anymore”

Tachihara loves blueberry flavored stuff, except when it comes to candy. Candy is banana flavored ONLY. He’s the only person on the planet who gets excited when he sees banana runts in a candy machine 

He’s also a closet vegetarian. For whatever reason, he thinks everyone will think he’s lame for not eating meat and he doesn’t want to lose his Port Mafia clout, so he just finds the vegetarian options on the menu when they go out to eat

Tachihara orders side salads when they go to a steakhouse and claims he’s not hungry. Everyone else knows the truth, but they don’t want to embarrass him by telling him 

He likes to draw!! His artistic skill is, like, middle school boy tier, but he has fun and that’s what matters. 

Tachihara’s favorite thing to draw is this character he made called “devil dog”; it’s self explanatory, he just does little comics about a dog with devil horns that lives in hell. Gin liked them so much, she made her own character “angel dog”, and the two of them will collab

Sakunosuke Oda 

Ok I’m gonna be extremely based and go into this very specific vision I have of his apartment. He lives in this one bedroom and the A/C is SHOT, so he constantly has a box fan running and the sliding glass door is permanently open. The lights don’t work either, so you have to use a flashlight to get to the bathroom. Also, for some reason, Oda only has a minifridge instead of a normal fridge, so half of his drinks are lukewarm from sitting in their cardboard boxes next to the fridge. Everything in his apartment could be rearranged to be more convenient, but he refuses to acknowledge this

THE POINT I’M GETTING TO IS, if they’re meeting somewhere other than the bar, Ango and Dazai usually go to Oda’s apartment and get drunk on his flat, lukewarm beer

There’s a single tree in his yard, and Oda will just go boy mode and randomly climb it mid-conversation. If this means he has to get up from the couch and go outside to do it, so be it

He’s a really good butterfly swimmer (and a great swimmer in generally), but he always just ends up floating in a pool with, like, every noodle available to him. He’ll literally hog 6 noodles and an inner tube as if he can’t swim

Oda loves Hostess Ding Dongs, but EXCLUSIVELY peanut butter ones. He’s definitely broken his microwave before by leaving the foil on them; in fact, he’s broken several microwaves this way. It does not click for this man that you CAN’T PUT METAL IN A MICROWAVE. He thinks it’s a microwave specific problem and not an “Oda fucked up” problem

He also only eats dinosaur egg oatmeal for breakfast. He used to just eat normal oatmeal, but Dazai introduced him to the joy of dinosaur eggs

He has never cleaned his phone screen. The screen is unreadable to anyone but him because it’s so covered in cracks and fingerprints, but he doesn’t know you can replace screen protectors

~~~Smoke and Mirrors (S/O hiding a dark past from PM Dazai)~~~

A/N: Ok so this turned out waaaay longer than I thought it would, and starts out a lot more light than I eventually took it. It really is begging to be a drabble and not a bulleted list, but oh well. Like, I’m serious, it’s almost shameful how obvious it is where I took a break to eat diner and came back. But with that being said, I had a lot of fun seeing where this prompt took me, so I hope you enjoy!!

Warning: This is actually pretty violent; it has depictions of death as well, and also has blood 

And I’m very sorry, but I didn’t get to Chuuya T-T 

This is the first time I’ve had a lot of fun writing for Dazai, so I got carried away. Sorry this is long, it took me like 3 and a half hours to write, and it’s still not that good, lol. But please enjoy me only writing half of what you asked for T-T

Dazai--

+ Dazai is really looking forward to the mission the two of you were assigned together; he’s excited for you to see him in action, thinking that you’ll fall even deeper in love with him

+ “Are you sure y/n can handle such a dangerous mission, Mori-san?” he says with a smirk as you and Mori exchange glances 

+ “...Yeah, I think she’ll be alright” Mori says with a chuckle

+ Dazai takes this to mean that you and Mori just trust him a lot, even with your precious life

+ That’s a trust that he would only take for granted a ~little bit~ just enough to tease you

+ Planning out in his head how he was going to make you cling to him like the two of you were watching a horror movie together caused him to miss a few turns 

+ Letting Dazai drive is always a mistake, but this time was worse because of how preoccupied he was with trying to look rugged and handsome, playing for no one’s rules but his own

+ He was certainly succeeding in not following the rules of traffic, but you also had to admit that he did look pretty handsome 

+ You arrive at your destination 14 minutes late, and with Brittney Spears blaring through the speakers before the key was taken out of the ignition (There was no way he wasn’t going to show off his vocal range at any chance he got)

+ “Now, then, little bird, just follow my lead~” he says, trailing off at the end as he sees that you’re already on the way up to the house you were going to bust open to expose the drug trafficking going on within it’s walls

+ Motioning with your hands for him to follow you, he saunters up the steps to join you at the porch, while whistling a tune 

+ You furiously clap your hand over his mouth, and point up towards an open window on the second floor

+ He mouths good job to you while wearing a proud expression on his face

+ You ignore this and gesture towards a muddy footprint on the front stoop; a clue

+ Recognizing the size and shape of the footprint from the research you had done to prepare yourself for this moment, you got out your notebook to confirm the prints matched

+ Looking back up after retrieving the notebook from your pack, you saw Dazai putting his own foot over the footprint, carefully comparing his own shoe size to the potential enemies’, and looking back at you, about to quip

+ He changed his mind when he saw how red you had gotten, and instead removed his foot and shoved his hands in his pockets

+ No good. The footprint was no longer readable

+ But the mud was still fresh, meaning whoever was inside was most likely to still be in there

+ You tentatively reached for the front door. Before turning the nob, you bit your lip and froze, remembering that there was most likely a trap set

+ Dazai had no such reservations, and pushed past you to confidently turn the knob as if he owned the place

+ The sound of rapidly unravelling rope was all you heard before you saw Dazai being swept up from his feet, and hung in the doorway by his ankles, his black coat that usually draped around his shoulders falling to the ground with the clink of the buttons hitting the hardwood 

+ Clearing his throat, he said “ahem- should be safe my love”

+ He didn’t bother whispering, as the trap had set of an alarm- the siren blared and the two of you could hear the sounds of dogs barking in the distance 

+ “Great, nice work Dazai, now we they know we’re here- this’ll be annoying” was all you were able to say before you heard a click, and felt the unmistakable feeling of the barrel of a gun pushed against your temple. 

+ Dropping your weapon and putting your hands up, you glowered at Dazai

+ With bags pulled over your heads and ropes wrapped around your wrists, you and your dumbass show-boating boyfriend were led up a flight of stairs and into a muggy and hot room

+ The bags were taken off, the two you knelt on the floor, and the criminals started interrogating

+ “Enlighten us. What’s the Dark Prodigy of the Port Mafia doing in our humble little workshop” the ringleader snarled, not bothering to wipe the dribble off his chin 

+ “Oh, well, my dear,” Dazai said turning to you and feigning disappointment, “Looks like our little ‘undercover boss’ routine was found out”

+ Dazai was slapped hard on his left cheek, leaving his face turned away from you before saying “Is this any way to treat your employer?”

+ “Employer? More like slave driver. You and your Port Mafia took this whole operation and made it impossible to both turn a profit, and pay your bloody tax for ‘protection.’ This was our only chance at survival and you took it from us, demonizing us in the eyes of our community; no one buys drugs from a group that will squeal to the Dogs of the Port every time a new business competitor appears.” The man spat on the ground, but when he spoke again, his mouth still sounded disgustingly wet with rage; he was quite literally spitting anger

+ “You Dogs claim to love this city, but paint a target on the backs of those just trying to survive to see another day within it. You think we don’t love this city? You’re right. We hate Yokohama. We hate what you’ve done to it.”

+ The man stepped behind the two of you and grabbed Dazai’s wrapped up wrists, twisting them so hard and fast that the bandages wrapped around them would actually come in handy. You heard a crack and a pop, and the rope that was holding his wrists together slid to the ground, still tied in a loop

+ Dazai let out a muffled scream, biting down on his lip to mask the sound of his cries. This hands were no longer tied together, but judging from his muffled cries and the way he was shaking back and forth on the ground was enough evidence that he wouldn’t be using his hands anytime soon

+ “And you” all of the bloodlust directed at Dazai was now being shot your way as the man pivoted to you “I really expected more from you. To think that you were one of us”

+ The man grabbed your tied up hair on the back of your head and pulled you forward with enough force that you heard a crackling in your inner ears as your cheek and jaw hit the ground hard, and his large, muddy boot stood on the other side of your face, rendering you unable to move

+ The wet, muddy imprint of his book on your cheek was a stern reminder of the footprint that could’ve been a clue had it not been for Dazai’s performance 

+ “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten all of us down here?” The man crooned, the artificial lilt in his voice betraying his violent intentions 

+ The boot pushed down harder and your vision was starting to become speckled with stars, but he continued, even though you were barely able to listen 

+ “An assassin of your caliber to come out of our little corner of the slums... a pity she left to join the enemy” 

+ “You’ve got it all wrong,” you heard Dazai utter under his breath 

+ “What was that?” the man said, his anger obviously flaring but the pressure on your face lessening 

+ “You’ve got it all wrong!” he said much louder “Y/n was never an assassin; this is her maiden voyage into the world of crime. She doesn’t even have an ability, let alone a history in the slums”

+ That was wrong. The silence in the room was broken by words that came out of the attacker’s grimacing mouth, confidence filling him as he realized he had the upper hand; information that the Mafia Dog didn’t have 

+ “Is that so? Well, if that’s the case, my apologies, miss. I do hope you’ll forgive this misunderstanding,” he said as he strode over to you and picked you up by your tied up wrists behind your back with one hand

+ “But what kind of criminal would I be if I let you fly away?”

+ “Stop,” came Dazai’s voice, and your heart dropped at how quickly he took the bait. You wanted to scream at him, you wanted to tell him that this was a set up

+ But the look on his face showed that he was not willing to be convinced, especially not by whatever wat you could find to communicate with him wordlessly

+ You were dropped back onto the floor with a thud, and you felt the impact go into your jaw; your mouth started spewing out blood from your own tongue, which you had bitten so hard a hole was made through it and your top and bottom teeth could feel each other through the massive gash 

+ “And why should I stop? It seems like a great deal to me; I get to kill the rabid dog responsible for ruining the city I used to love. Not only that, but I get to kill the little assassin that was so foolish as to join you” You wiggled unintentionally, your body trying to get into a more comfortable position where you wouldn’t choke or drown in a pool of your own blood

+ You bent your neck forward, and bit into the collar of your shirt, pulling on the fabric enough to create a little ball of makeshift gauze to fill your mouth to lessen the bleeding 

+ But the man didn’t pay any mind, and he continued to talk, directing his attention to you again

+ “I never did fully understand your ability. But how could an average woman do what you did? Countless bodies were found in places where it didn’t make sense for them to be--where they couldn’t have been by all the laws that our world abides by. Bodies found bleeding out in water tanks, but no weapon to cause the cuts in sight and no blood stains leading up to the hatch. A body found nestled in a chimney, the victim being too old and frail to ever be able to willingly put himself in that position and the witnesses confirming the impossibility of anyone stuffing him up there themselves. Do you remember the headlines, miss? Do you remember the bounty set on your head- the manhunt that ensued? Tell me, was the smoke suffocating?”

+ “I...I don’t know what you’re implying” You said as you turned your face away, realizing at once that you hadn’t managed to say anything close to that with your shirt in your mouth and your tongue basically split in half

+ The man seemed to get the message though, because he panted. No, he was trying to laugh; he was laughing scornfully, the only sound to be heard being the air required to mock you in this way

+ “Don’t give me that,” he stopped laughing abruptly, and grabbed your chin that was slick with your own blood, forcing you to face him

+ “ I think you misunderstand; I could never figure your ability out back then. But that was years ago. I now understand all there is to know about such a hideous ability; the ability to trade places with the dead”

+ Eyeing him up and down, following the arm that led to your chin; you were trying to figure out what he was playing at

+ “Oh, but you must be so surprised! You must have thought I was a fool,” He crooned again, getting more and more bloodthirsty with each second

+ “Hm. Mirror Mirror. Is that what you call it? That ability of yours? I don’t much like the name. Doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. But maybe that’s just jealousy. Putrid as your ability is, I don’t have one at all. But you don’t need an ability to catch a stray. You just need the right bait to set the trap”

+ With this, Dazai stirred. He had been silent the whole exchange, the whole explanation of your ability as told by the man who would kill the both of you as soon as he grew tired of talking 

+ “Darling, is that the truth?” his face didn’t look at you, but the tone in his voice made you think he might have tears in his eyes

+ “I-well, boss and I thought it would be best-for us-for everyone if I didn’t reveal the truth... I-,” and, starting to cry, not from the pain you had suffered, but from the pain you had caused, you continued, but the only thing you’re sure he understood was “I’m sorry, Dazai”

+ There was then silence. For a long time. You shut your eyes, expecting Dazai to wager with the man, to fight for you despite your wishes. But he didn’t 

+ Finally, Dazai spoke up

+ “I don’t like pain”

+ ”...Dazai, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t going to keep it from you forever, but I was waiting until we got to know each other better” you cried out, forgetting once again that your words only hindered your communication at the moment

+ “No, not you, my dear. I’m not talking to you” he muttered, his voice low but still full of honey, just as it had always been with you

+ Dazai, who had been curled up facing away from you now began to unfold himself slowly, his elbows propping him up

+ “Tough shit,” snarled the man, his hand that had been holding up your head up finally leaving 

+ “But you know what I like less than pain?” Dazai took a beat here, not for a reply, but to uncurl his neck, and look the man who was now towering over him right in the eyes 

+ “I don’t like being ignored” He said with a grimace “Now, lets show him what your ability can actually do~”

+ It dawned on you. And not a moment too soon. In a flash of green light, you activated your ability, and you and the man switched places. He was now on the ground where you had been, and Dazai was now looking up at a much less intimidating figure

+ You couldn’t believe he had figured it out. Well, actually, that didn’t surprise you. What surprised you was how long it took him to figure it out, because judging by his behavior earlier, he was still treating you like a small woodland animal

+ From the other side of the room, the man sputtered and coughed. “How? Did I make some sort of mistake...?”

+ Beginning to speak, Dazai interrupted you, and began with a chirp “You really messed up your research. Reading the headlines didn’t get you very far” said Dazai, practically singing, “She can’t trade places with the dead. She can only trade places with the last person she’s touched. But how does that explain the victims~?”

+ Dazai paced over to the man, who was now motionless; he muttered his next words while squatting next to the man, as if he didn’t want to wake him 

+ “To trade places with another person, that person has to die. This is the caveat. The contract. And one more thing”

+ Dazai leaned in even closer to the dead man, chuckling lightly before continuing