Just a Wild Flicka

Many months ago, when I was trying to prepare myself with coming to Sweden, I did a google search of Swedish winters and quickly found out that the sun goes down early and there is often more darkness than actual sunlight. I didn’t think much about this or really at all, just something that I would have to be aware of.

Within the first days of being in Sweden I was told again of the impending darkness that would happen while I would be here. I still didn’t think that much of what the darkness would really mean. A part of me thought that maybe it was bit of an over-exaggeration and that it wouldn’t be that bad. And at this point I think there is a pretty recurring theme of me being wrong because,

I was wrong.

Since the clocks went back an hour a few weeks ago the sun has been setting earlier and earlier everyday, so that right now, as I am writing this post it is 15:25 (3:25 in the afternoon) and the sun has set and it is getting darker and darker, until it will be completely black out at about 16:00.

With all my google searches, it never said two things. One, that it gets dark this early. I knew it got dark early but it never said that it would start getting dark at the beginning of November. All the blogs I read and travel websites said that it started getting dark this early at around mid-November and December but never did they mention right now. The second thing that was left out and is probably worse than darkness at 15:30 is that the sun isn’t even out when there is daylight. The one important thing to know is that a Swedish fall/winter, but particularly a Swedish November is best described as being grey and cloudy all day, every day. It has quickly become a sad joke in my classes that we don’t remember the last time we saw the sun, with the sad part being that its true

I’m not trying to dissuade anyone from coming to Sweden because of the darkness but rather I just want to make sure that people don’t make the same mistake that I made with thinking that the darkness wouldn’t be that bad. I mean in reality the darkness isn’t that bad, since it does become kind of peaceful but its the grey skies that make it hard and something that I just did not expect.

But don’t worry because when you do see the sun at all, it makes it even more special and not only does it literally brighten your day, but figuratively as well.

Maybe it was the week traveling alone or maybe it’s just that time of the semester, but I am currently pretty homesick and want to go home. Don’t get me wrong, I have fallen absolutely in love with Stockholm and know that when it comes to leaving I will be very sad, but right now I miss home.

Earlier this semester I felt homesick but it didn’t last for that long. It was easily fixed with a facetime call to my mom and making a dish that feels like home. But the homesick feeling has come back and is stronger than ever, almost to the point that I want to go home right now. And while it sucks to feel this way, I also feel bad because I feel like I should be loving my time in Stockholm and be taking advantage of the fact that I am living in a foreign country for four months. I also don’t think that it helps that my friends here have their parents or friends coming to visit them and the closest that I can get to seeing my family is through video on a screen.

But what I’ve realized while feeling this (and mostly while writing this) is that it’s okay for me to feel this way, especially when I’m used to seeing my family every couple of months while I’m at school. Just because I miss home (and really my own bed) doesn’t mean that I’m not experiencing Stockholm the right way or that I’m not enjoying myself here, it just means that I miss what I’m used to and I guess that’s good in way; Stockholm has made me uncomfortable enough to miss the familiar.

Now let me explain what I mean as being uncomfortable. It’s not like I don’t feel like I can be myself or that I want to leave but rather that I am learning every second and adapting to new situations that I’ve never experienced before. I am being challenged to see things in a new perspective and truly growing as a person, which is really why I wanted to study abroad in the first place. But with all growing pains, there is a little bit of discomfort that comes with and so this is what I mean that Stockholm has made me uncomfortable.

But now back to what this post is really all about which is being homesick. I have now just let myself feel my feelings (yes I know that feeling your feelings is obvious but go with here) and just listen to myself and  do what I need to do. And with this I have figured out a couple things that have worked for me to feel a bit better and I’ll share them here with you. However, I should say that it will be very similar to the list of activities that I posted to help with stress but a little reminder is always welcomed right? So here we go:

Call your mom because no matter who you are, talking to your mom will always make you feel better

Make your favorite meal because eating like you’re at home can make you feel like you’re at home

Listen to music and look at old photos because while you might be sad at first, the old memories will come back and you’ll start to be happy

Talk to your friends at DIS about how you’re feeling because no matter what you are not alone and there are other people that feel the same way

Take a day for yourself and practice some self-care because everyone deserves a day to do nothing

Talk to the Care Team because they are a resource that every student should take advantage of when needing someone to talk to about any issues that arise while abroad

Okay so I need to be a little honest. Since coming to Stockholm I haven’t done a lot of thing just by myself. I’ve gone to different museums and areas of Stockholm with classes or friends but I haven’t really explored or done anything really by myself. Well until this past Wednesday when I went to the Moderna Museet.

I know that this may not sound a like a huge accomplishment or a big deal, especially if you knew where I am as I write this (Arlanda as I wait to board my plane to Amsterdam, which I’m doing by myself). But for me this is a small victory or pushing myself to do things that I want.

I’m the type of person/student that places school first before anything else, always have been and will probably always will be. And yes, it’s a good thing to be able to do until it limits you from doing things that you really want to do like going to museums or exploring areas. So the fact that after my field study on Wednesday morning I actually went to Moderna Museet and explored it by myself is something I wouldn’t do often, especially with me knowing that I had papers to write.

So, I guess what my point with writing this post is that you can’t let school work take over from going and exploring Stockholm like I let to do for me. Of course, school is important and you need to keep up with it, because trust me it will creep up and take over a weekend or two, but also just ignore school sometimes and go see things and explore, because trust me it will be worth it.

What I’ve been realizing this far into my study abroad experience is that I need to push myself to do things like going to a museum alone or traveling to other countries by myself. It’s easy to get comfortable here and think that there’s still a lot of time before I leave. And it always seems scary at first, but it never really is as scary as it seems. And maybe you already knew this or you are more comfortable with doing things yourself, but you will still need to push yourself to have experiences that you want and it will always work out if you do that.

Now I will also write a little about Moderna before I leave.

First thing is that I got lost while trying to find the entrance. And when I say that I got lost I mean that I was walking around for about 20 minutes before I found the entrance. It’s not that its really that difficult to find I just didn’t see the sign and essentially wandered around the entire building before getting to the front again.

But when I got inside it was GREAT! I should probably say that the museum is FREE, which is always the best price, but I bought tickets for the two temporary exhibits there (one on Andy Warhol and another installation called “With the past behind us” in English) and I was not disappointed. The two temporary exhibits were amazing as they showed art that you could only see at the Moderna Museet but the permanent exhibit was just as good if not better. If you’re an art buff (like me) you’ll be able to see original Warhol and Picasso as well as some remakes of Duchamp (like the fountain!). But really by the time that you’re in Sweden and planning to go, you’ll need to look at the museum’s website to see what exhibits they have because they are always changing.

I should probably now get ready to board and then write those papers that I said I have. Wish me luck in Amsterdam and on this journey by myself.

Before really getting into this post, I should mention that I went to Fotografiska a little while ago, right before the Swedish election, when there was an exhibit relating to the election, so this post is a bit outdated, and long over dued.

Okay so I’m a bit partial to this place because I have a love for photography and this is a photography art museum. All the exhibits are amazing photographs and each have a different focus. The main exhibits that I remember (and specifically went to see) was one on homelessness in Sweden but also more broadly on the housing issue here in Stockholm as well as the political exhibit that showed 5 photos from each political party in parliament up until the election on September 9th. While these two were the reasons why I went, I stayed for the other exhibits and walked around to appreciate all the artwork. There is also a really nice café on the top floor and while I can’t give a critique on the food because I didn’t eat there I can say that the next time I go (and yes, I will be going again) the café is definitely where I will eat. Fotografiska is also nice on a student budget as you can get a student ticket with bringing your student ID along with you, which is great since I can see myself going back at least twice more this semester as the exhibits are always changing.

Here are some pictures that I took of the photography there (real meta now isn’t it)!

I should probably apologize again for being a bit MIA this past week but now I have a valid (or at least a more valid) reason for not posting this past week. Currently I am in Berlin for my long study tour with my Gender, Equality, and Sexuality in Scandinavia course and it’s been a long week!

We leave tomorrow afternoon but I thought I should give an update and to say that within this next week I will post a more in depth post about my time in Berlin and all our activities. To keep it really short and not to spoil my next (longer) post I will just say that Berlin has really been incredible with all of our cultural visits that pertain to German history and all of our academic visits. This trip has been eye opening in a lot of ways from understanding vital aspects to our history of mankind but also to think more in depth about queer life and history, especially in Berlin. But I’ll stop there before I start making this post super long.

So, I feel like I need to explain and apologize a bit for why I haven’t been as active in the past few weeks and the short answer is: school and homework.

For the past three weeks (about) I have been incredibly stressed with papers, presentations, and readings, oh my! And because I’ve been so stressed I figured that this would be a perfect thing to write about: the actual school part of studying abroad.

Last weekend during all of my studying and stressing, I Facetimed one of my friends from home. When she asked me how I was I told that I was really stressed and listed off all the work I had to do. She then said that she was shocked and thought that studying abroad was supposed to be easier and not really be school.

I think that’s a preconception that a lot of people have with studying abroad, because I thought it a little bit, not a lot, but definitely a little. I primarily picked DIS and applied because of the classes that I wanted to take here that my school would just never offer. Oh and it was in Sweden, I really wanted to go to Sweden. But because I chose this program for the classes I knew that during my time abroad I would of course have work to do and that I would be stressed at times. But if you did think that with studying abroad you wouldn’t have homework then you’d be wrong.

While DIS has the belief that Stockholm is your home but that Europe is your classroom, and travel is included within the curriculum, that doesn’t mean that the typical classroom setting of school is gone. In these past three weeks I have had 4 papers, 2 presentations, and readings to keep up with all on top of it. And to be honest, I have had a worse amount of workload at my home university, so I don’t think it’s fair to say that DIS is super difficult or that the workload is unmanageable. For me it’s almost like I am trying to keep my old routine for school in an entirely new setting, when it’s not entirely working, which is why I have been super stressed and busy these weeks.

So really, school is school, no matter where you are in the world but the important thing to note is that you need to develop a new routine when in you’re in Sweden because nothing will be the same, and for me I guess I’m still figuring it out. So, while I will still probably be stressed with school work for a while as I figure out what my routine is, I figured I would now make a list of things to do when you start feeling overwhelmed and stressed like I did last weekend:

Call a friend from home, I mean the time difference sucks and can be difficult to find a time for both of you, but you also need a time to just talk to who has always been there

Do your laundry, because let’s be honest with ourselves, when we get stressed our dirty clothes stay dirty but it does feel nice when you can say that on top of all the work you did, you also have clean clothes 

Go on a walk, seriously, you’re in another country where the nature is beautiful so just go in take everything in when it all becomes too much

Watch Netflix, I wish that I could be more original but really, when in doubt just watch what makes you happy

Just take a break and a minute for yourself, because when you’re stressed you’re probably not thinking about taking a break EVER, but really just take 15 minutes to yourself to decompress and feel refreshed

Oh and fika, always have fika no matter your stress level because you will always feel better afterwards

Before really diving into this post I really should apologize for not posting for a while. Two weeks ago was Core Course week, and so I had the week off from all of my classes except from my core course. When I came back last week and into this week, classes really came back strong with assignments and I was, well, not prepared to say the very least.

So here was my week, two weeks ago:

From the very beginning, everyone at DIS was saying that core course week comes at the perfect time for students and to be completely honest I didn’t believe them. I didn’t think that I would feel any different from core course week. And I really didn’t feel any different until actually going to Uppsala with my core course and getting way for a few days. After being in a new place, even just an hour outside of Stockholm I felt rejuvenated and ready to continue all my studies (well, kinda). But really my core course week was pretty amazing and it just confirmed that I chose the right core course for me. But let me start from the beginning so you can know why I enjoyed last week so much.

During core course week, you don’t have any other class except your core course (makes sense from the name right), so I met with only my Gender, Equality, and Sexuality in Scandinavia course all week. For Monday and Tuesday we were in Stockholm, Wednesday we had off, and then on Thursday we left to go to Uppsala for a few days. Every day (except for Wednesday) we had workshops, sessions, and activities relating to our course in different yet very important ways.

The week kicked off on Monday with watching tv shows and films all day. Rough day, I know. But in all actuality, this day was very informative as it gave us a concrete examples of queer lives in Scandinavia as all that we watched depicted different challenges and issues that queer people have faced throughout history. What I really took away from this day was the fact of using a different form of teaching for us to learn rather than assigning reading. At least for me, I have a hard time really grasping the entire picture when I just read an article so watching movies that depicted queer relationships, issues such as coming out, acceptance or AIDS, as well as a more real depiction of people’s lives helped me understand the content of what I have been reading in class.

On Tuesday we met with the Woman’s Network for fika to talk about how the organization does not only help women in Stockholm but also youth and newly arrived people. It was interesting to hear just all the different aspects and activities that the organization focuses on to help people. In the afternoon we participated in a body movement workshop and this was really interesting to say the least. During the workshop we were supposed to connect to our bodies and feel more in touch with ourselves and it was really an experience to be had.

Wednesday was then a complete free day for me as I had absolutely no plans besides studying all day in preparation for the upcoming week when I would have all my classes again. And while I did do a lot of reading, it was a very relaxing day to have in the middle of the week.

Thursday afternoon we then left for Uppsala where we met with a lot of different organizations. Right when we arrived in Uppsala we attended a workshop with RFSU, an organization dedicated to promoting positive sex and relationships through sex education. When I found out about we were doing this workshop I didn’t entirely know what to think or expect but I didn’t think that at 20 I would attend a sex education workshop or that I would enjoy it as much as I did. What this organization did was teach about sex in such a way that no one felt uncomfortable but rather well-informed and left the room knowing that we had learned something. For the rest of the day we checked into our hostel and then explored Uppsala (which I will talk more about in a later post) before having a group dinner.

Friday was probably our most scheduled day as we first met with an antidiscrimination organization in the morning to learn about what the organization in general does but also to learn more about the different types of discrimination that exist in Sweden and the laws to combat it. We then went to lunch as a group, had a bit of free time and then went on a guided tour of the University Museum.

The important thing about Friday that I have not mentioned is that it was the beginning of Pride in Uppsala but not just any Pride but Welcome Out, a Pride for those who have a more difficult time with coming out such as newly arrived people, international students, and any migrants. Because it was Welcome Out weekend it meant that we also participated in different activities and sessions being held over the weekend, starting with Friday. So Friday night we watched a documentary about how Welcome Out got started and then attended a session with RFSL, an LGBTQ+ organization that supports and fights for rights.

Saturday was the shortest day of the week with us only having one activity, a sex worker session with RFSL and then lunch before hopping on a bus and going back to Stockholm. And although it was one of the shorter days, it was also one of the more interesting with learning about sex workers and their rights, or in a way lack thereof, and to actually hear from some.

So, I have been in Stockholm for about 4 weeks now, or really a month. Wow, it has really been a month! I still can’t believe where I am or what has been happening in these past few weeks. It has felt like I have lived here forever and like I just arrived yesterday all at the same time while in reality I haven’t been here for that long. But despite the short time that I have lived in Stockholm I have been to some incredible places and I think now is the perfect time to share with you all. So, each week (well hopefully each week, we’ll see how often I can really do it) I will post about a place that I have been to so far that I would recommend going to. And with post to begin, I will write about more than one place. So here we go:

Hallwylska palatset: If you want to step back in time to see how a wealthy, or more like the wealthiest, family lived in Stockholm during the early twentieth century then go to the Hallwylska Palatset. This is seriously a hidden gem. I went to this house during my first week in Stockholm with my core course, Gender, Equality, and Sexuality in Scandinavia. This house turned museum that was built with the intention of becoming a museum and that meant that the woman (and yes this was all done by a woman which makes this museum TEN TIMES better) who owned the house kept all documents and receipts for EVERYTHING in her house. You would be able to know what anything and everything cost throughout the time she was alive. She also kept all recipes and seating charts to know what they ate for what occasions. And when you walk through the house you can also sense the change in style between the rooms as each room was meant to give off a particular vibe. Oh, and did I mention that this museum was FREE. So, the only reason why you shouldn’t go here is if…. Actually there is no reason why you shouldn’t go here.

Gamla Stan: Gamla Stan is the old, historic part of Stockholm that quite literally means Old Town in English, and is a common place to visit for tourists. But no matter how stereotypical it may be to visit, there is a reason this stereotype exists. Gamla Stan is where you can walk down cobblestone pathways, learn all about different aspects of Swedish history, and get transported back to a different time. Its where the Royal Palace is, where Parliament is located, where the Nobel Museum is. It is also where the two ‘famous’ red and orange buildings that you always see when you google Stockholm. I am actually having a difficult time explaining why you should visit because Gamla Stan is a place to explore and experience for yourself than being a place that you can read about.

I don’t think of myself as a political person in the slightest of ways. At home I don’t pay attention nor voice my opinions on politics because in a way I think it is useless, especially with our current government. I also get angry at times when I do listen to politics and would rather not be angry all the time. So, while it may not be the best thing to do, I like to ignore politics in every way possible.

But since coming to Sweden, now three weeks ago, besides hearing people talk about fika, the next topic to talk about is the upcoming election on September 9th. In the short time that I have been in Stockholm and the even shorter time that I have lived with my host family, I have been unable to ignore politics and in all actuality, I have enjoyed the discussion.

I think at this point I should give a fair warning that I will begin to discuss politics in the way that I have been told it (from my Swedish teacher and host family) and therefore some things could be wrong. Also, like I said two paragraphs above, I typically ignore politics so in all honestly, I might not be the best person to talk politics but, oh well.

Politics here are COMPLETELY different than in the United States. The first major difference is the lack of a president. In Sweden, the government is a constitutional monarchy, meaning that there is a King as well as a parliament and a Prime Minister. What it seems to me is that the Prime Minister is very similar in terms of power to the president in the United States. Currently the Prime Minister is Stefan Löfven, the party leader of the Social Democrats. And now before you think “But wait, isn’t that communism?”, no, no it’s not at all. I can’t describe this party in a way that would do it justice but know that it is nowhere near communism.

A second major difference is that politics here are very liberal no matter what party. I have been told that Sweden’s most ‘conservative’ party (which I will talk about next) is still as liberal as our democrats in the United States. So essentially, the politics here  are skewed far to the left, most liberal side of our political spectrum. And for this I can say that I am extremely happy to be here.

Now, what everyone is seemingly talking about is the Swedish Democrats and how their support has increased quickly over the past few years. Currently, the Swedish Democrats are the third largest political party in parliament and have been described to me as the “bad people” or the party “hated by everyone”. This party is more ‘conservative’ and is against many traditional political ideals and therefore completely different from the Social Democrats (the largest political party in parliament). From what I’ve been told, the Swedish Democrats remind me of our current situation in the US with a very conservative government.

But why are Swedes concerned about the Swedish Democrats? Well for what I’ve been told it’s because they could very well change how the parliament works and really affect the government. With this upcoming election, the Swedish Democrats can really change things up in Sweden, and for most this change up is not viewed as a good thing. For the election, the party that receives the most votes will then become the party in charge of the government, however because there are currently eight parties (yes, I did say eight) in parliament, there is not one party that will receive the majority of the vote. Because of this fact, the ‘winning’ party in a sense will then need to make alliances with other parties to be able to rule. However, to obtain a majority there might be the need to make an alliance with the Swedish Democrats which means that they would have more impact in the government which means again, bad things would happen.

August 31, 2018:

On Wednesdays I don’t have class, well kind of. Instead of attending a traditional lecture, the lesson is taken out of the classroom and placed into Stockholm and this week I met the Swedish Royal Family.

Well not really……

For my field study this past Wednesday I went to the Royal Palace in Gamla Stanwith my Swedish class and it is a must see when visiting Stockholm. While the main point of Wednesday was to go on a guided tour of the Royal Palace, the overarching theme of the field study was power. While making our way to the palace, perhaps one of the largest and most obvious symbols of power, from the T-Centralen station we stopped to see all the other representations of power that can be lost to the average tourist.

One of our firsts stops was the street that we were walking on,Drottninggatan(or the Queen’s street). To the naked eye, Drottninggatan is just a pedestrian street or what my professor called “the tourist trap”; a street filled with tax free stores with postcards and souvenirs as well as some other popular stores that you can find in the US. I was actually walking down this street last week while trying to find a store I wanted to go to. But what I didn’t know last week when I was there was that this street was renamed to Drottninggatan in the middle of the 17thcentury to give more respect to Queen Kristina, a young female heir to the throne and one of the most well-known women in Swedish history. I suggest doing a quick google search of her to understand more.

We also quickly stopped at the Swedish “white house” or really just the actual white house that the prime minister lives in you would definitely miss if walking through Stockholm for the first time. This “white house” is nothing extravagant like the one at home which probably reflects some important cultural aspects but that’s for a different post. It is also the representation of the person that has some of the most political power in Sweden, the prime minister.

These places are very important symbols of power in Sweden yet are very subtle expressions that without being a Swede one would never know about.

But now to talk about the actual Royal Palace and its power.

When I told my host mom that I was going to the Royal Palace, one of the things she told me was that it was pink but has become brown over time. When I asked my professor if this was true, she said that the palace was pinkish. But what I actually remember? Nothing. I can only remember that it was brown.

The Palace itself is spectacular. Walking from room to room and seeing how everything was designed for a specific reason with certain aspects with the intention of showing Sweden’s power and role in the world. There is a room with a painting on the ceiling of Sweden represented as a woman in the center with then figures below representing the other continents. What this painting depicts is Sweden as a world power, which was actually new to me. Never in any history class was I told that Sweden was one of the most powerful countries in the world.

But not only is the power of Sweden reflected in the Palace but so is the power of the monarchy which is interesting because of the monarchy actually has no power. The Palace is an obvious symbol of the power of the King yet, he no longer has any power and in fact the Royal family does not even live at the Royal Palace. By going on this field study what I learned was that the king has not had any political power since the mid 1970s (which is relatively recent) and that processes have changed to reflect this such as the King needs to go to parliament to open it rather than Parliament coming to the Palace.

August 24, 2018:

I have now spent a week in Sweden and wow was it something. I have explored parts of Stockholm and have become comfortable using the trains and metros. Honestly it doesn’t feel like I have been here for only a week but more like a month.

For my first week in Sweden I have been staying in a residential community in Northern Stockholm and I have been pleasantly surprised. It is nothing like what I was expecting. Now what exactly was I expecting you may ask? I really don’t know but it was nothing like what I am currently living in.

So far, I can say that staying in a residential community or what is otherwise known as a RC really has some benefits. Since arriving I have met so many people that I have classes with and have been able to make friends quicker which makes sense since you make friends with people you live close to. I have also felt really independent. I have gone to the grocery store and made dinner for myself every night as well as I had to figure out had to get home from different parts of Stockholm all by myself. So, if anything I feel more like an adult than I ever have felt. But there is one downside for me living in a RC this week: the residential community is not where I will be staying for my entire time in Sweden.

The housing that I placed as my first choice and luckily received was living with a host family. Now you’re probably confused. Why did I stay in a residential community for a week and not with my host family? Well long story short my host family just couldn’t pick me up right away, which is really no big deal. I am still excited as ever to live with my host family even if it’s a week late.

But I do need to be honest that I still have all my concerns that I had before I came, which I know is normal to have but it doesn’t make a big difference for me. I talked with other homestay students that I met and they talked about their bonding with their host families and honestly, I’m jealous. While it was nice to get a sneak peek at what living in a RC was like and gaining some confidence that I can actually be an adult in a foreign country I know that living with a host family is just a better option for me because I will be able to have experiences with a Swedish family that I just would not have with living in a RC for a semester. So, it really is safe to say that my excitement is currently trumping any concerns I have.

Okay now for some other things that I have done and learned while being in Sweden for a week: fika really does happen every day and it is AMAZING! What’s fika? It’s essentially a social event that takes place for however long you want it to and you drink coffee, eat treats, and just hang out with friends. The only better than it being socially acceptable to take a break to just drink coffee is that it is encouraged to do so. If I got one kronor for every time I have been told about fika this past week I would be able to pay for all the times I got fikathis week.

Another thing I have learned about is the weather. I’m originally from Chicago which has temperamental weather and you have to be ready for anything, but the weather here is so different. It has been in the seventies this past week which sounds amazing right? Nope, I have been sweating almost every day because I somehow overdress by wearing jeans and a t-shirt or blouse. I am very confused and really don’t know what to do but hopefully I can learn how to dress for this weather soon, or at least before the semester ends.

I also went to some really cool and beautiful places this week but in an attempt to not have this post become any longer I will talk about those places in separate posts with pictures that I took so you all can see just what I mean.

August 17, 2018:

August 15, 2018:

It is August 15, 2018 and I leave for Sweden in two days. I have NEVER waited until the last minute to do anything. Stress and anxiety have never let me to truly procrastinate. But I guess that has now changed with going to Sweden. How do I know it has changed you may ask?

Packing. Packing is my answer.

Two days before I leave the country and my suitcases are practically empty. Great……

When I first found out that I got accepted to the DIS Stockholm program, I was of course excited but also in shock. It has always been a dream of mine to travel to Sweden but to live there for four months just doesn’t feel real.

But that was five months ago. I had FIVE months before I could live my dream, so naturally I pushed it aside, focused on other things, and thought that eventually it would feel real and I would start getting ready to go. Of course, I did what I had to do by the deadlines, i.e. submitting my visa application, registering for classes and housing, all the paperwork was done. I also wanted to wait until the summer to really plan for Sweden because I would have more time.

I was wrong.

My summer started two months ago and I have done NOTHING. I had big plans too. I was going to make a list of everything I needed, get that said list, and learn a little bit of Swedish.

Yeah, none of that happened. The reality of going to Sweden did not hit until ONE WEEK before going. Five days ago, is when my panic of not being ready set in. And while you may think that I would then start getting ready to move across an ocean for four months, you’d be wrong. But don’t worry I was wrong too, again.

Instead of packing and figuring out what I will need, I am writing this blog post. I really have my priorities straight, right? Starting a blog that I didn’t know I wanted, all to be able to document the next four months of my life on the internet for everyone to see, all while I am not ready for the next four months of my life. Okay, that last part may be bit of a white lie. I HAVE things packed, but what I really mean is I have thrown some clothes in a suitcase, zipped it shut, and now waiting to actually pack my life up into two suitcases.

But I thought that perhaps me writing this would encourage me to actually pack. Writing about my procrastination would end my procrastination right?

As an attempt to organize my life I will now finally make that list of things I need to pack that I wanted to make at the beginning of the summer. Better late than, never right? Really it’s just another way to put off packing but make it seem like I’m doing something. But let’s not think about that and just jump on into that list.

My stuffed panda so I can have a piece of home with me.

Crayola Supertips markers so I can continue my bullet journal I started this summer (let’s hope I can stick with it).

Fujifilm Instax Film so I can capture memories in the moment.

Sour gummy worms because I love them and why not.

A photo album so I can see my family and friends whenever I want (there’s Facetime and Snapchat but let’s ignore that).

Call Me By Your Name because after I saw this movie I instantly wanted to read the novel and it’ll help pass the time on the plane.

My passport because, well this is for obvious reasons aka being able to enter the country but with my luck if I don’t put it on this list I could actually forget it.