Newly Discovered Introvert

Why do people fear jumping in pools? It’s not that most fear being in the water, although some do. What people fear is the sudden change from hot to cold. Or from cold to hot. People want to be in the water most of the time. But it’s the fear of change that keeps them back. Not the fear of water. Eventually we all get over that fear and jump ourselves. Or we get pushed in.

Do you need to not feel responsible to live with yourself? Cause I’m still waiting for something besides an excuse. Everything was cause of something else. Every decision forced by someone else. When the tough questions are asked you’d rather skip over them. You say you’ll come back to it later but you never do. I feel like the SAT sometimes. Like I’m just supposed to be ok with no answers. A coward creates false enemies and finds the obstacles. In reality they don’t mean anything. An obstacle is just another thing to consider not what makes the final decision. I don’t believe you to be cowardly. What is is and then You decide what to do from there. Something being hard is not a reason not to do it. You shouldn’t want it all to be easy. Nothing worth having in life is.

Well... 💩

Lol, what would I have to do to “show you”... propose? I hope you like wearing that ring pop around.

Like at some point, you gotta look internally for the reasons trust issues exists. blaming others isn’t holding up.

There was an old town in which people were able to keep time because every day at noon the naval division would fire a cannon. One day a little boy asked one of the sailers “how do you know when to fire the cannon everyday?” The sailer answered “I fire it when my commander tells me to.” The boy than went to the commander and asked him how he knew what time to tell the sailer to fire the cannon. And the commander answered that he sets his pocket watch to the same time as the big clock in town. The boy then the went to the watch maker that ran the clock in town and asked him “how do you know when to set your clock” and the watch maker answered “ why I set it to when the navy fires the cannon!”

I’m a leader when you look at me. But that gives off a false image that because I can get your shit together that I have my shit together and even if I do have my shit together people think that it was somehow easier for me. It’s not. I made a decision to make a living on the hard things in life. That still takes a toll on me. And that is what I feel I handle alone. I’m never really alone and that gives off a false image too. Even surrounded by friends I choose a place that isolates me. It’s not by choice. At this point it’s instinct. It’s just the way my thought string together. Which means to stay sane I need to take a break from thinking. But when I do I’m blamed for not putting in the same amount of effort. But people don’t realize that that’s what keeps me sane. Not planning more. Not thinking ahead more. If I have to plan anything else I would fall apart. I try and hold the weight of the world on my shoulders. I feel like I bear it alone. But I never truly bear it alone. I never could. I lean on a very select few for support. My supports have eroded from lack of care. From lack of planning. From lack of thinking ahead. And I feel the house crumbling.