Just A Place To Write Something

Feel so damn good, but so many others not. The night becomes morning because I once again could not silence my thoughts and calm my soul into sleep.

I lie awake next to someone who thankfully has gotten himself to sleep. A troubled head with a beautiful soul just looking to protect the ones he loves whilst managing his temper in between.

That sentence scares me well maybe not the sentence but the holes in his wall that feel like memories I don’t wanna know about.

I play out stories all the time in my head of future events that will never happen. It’s not an uncommon thing to do when you have anxiety, but it never makes it better when it’s happening to you.

They are sorry and feel bad but how do they think i feel. Even worse

I’m living in the past because the near future is so hard. It’s so unclear

So many things that i don’t know. When, where and how quickly. I’m freaking out. There are so many things about to happen and i have no idea how i am going to handle them.

Especially when i feel this alone.

My family has been so supportive. I’m so thankful for them because without them i would be sooooo much worse off. But in the end I’m alone at night. And im alone when i wake up and I’m alone. No one to make fun of me and make me laugh. No one to tell me I’m beautiful even with no teeth.

There is just me and my mind.