A R D É R A E

I honestly don't know how they did that. socializing and being friends with everyone. Talking to people can eat some of my energy and I really need to exert a lot of effort to socialize.

I'm not a people pleaser but don't want people to hate me for no apparent reason.

One thing I hate is that I always think that the people around me are talking about me or making fun of me (tho I know that some of them are making fun of me. yes, in front of my face) . That they are taking advantage of my kindness because they know that I will not say no. I hate that I always assume the worse.

I hate that I feel so vulnerable rn. Away from home, away from my friends, away from my comfort zone. My anxiety has been killing me these past few days. I feel suffocated and helpless, and I can't ask for help because mental illness is such a taboo topic for them. I feel invalidated and out of place.

I know it is a me problem, I let my anxiety control me but I can't help it. I tried a lot of times to overcome it but I just ended up having an attact. I may look like Im okay but inside I'm not.