I Am Iron Man

Wanna RP together? Let’s do it.

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Send me a starter? Do it.

Wanna plot? Do it. IMs are a thing now. Let’s go.

Wanna- Just do it.

Steve glanced over his shoulder and smiled softly at Tony. “I don’t know, Tony.  You’re the most resilient person I know.  I think you would have been okay.  You are able to work well alone, but you’re also not alone.  Even if you did take me and Nat out of the equation, you’ve got Rhodey, Happy, and Bruce all here not wanting you to fall through the cracks.  I’ve been muscling them out of the way a bit because we’re enjoying spending so much time together.  But I know Bruce is excited for you to get back on your feet again so you two can work together.  If anything, you’re the one that’s helping me, Tony.”

Sometimes Steve felt like the only thing stopping him from spiralling out the way Thor was, was the work that needed to be done and that Tony was here and they were trying this out.  Maybe if Tony was still mad at him and had rejected him, Natasha would have been enough to drag him though it, but he didn’t have many other people to lean on right now, and this was the second time he’d lost everyone.  He could see himself shutting down very easily.  Even with Tony, the weight often felt too much to bear.

He listens to Steve talk about the progress and he can’t help but agree that Steve should step back, and if he’s being honest it’s not because of the state of the world but because of the state of Steve. They talked about it occasionally, the sheer magnitude of work that was in progress and that was needed, and Tony couldn’t help but notice that Steve seemed exhausted by the end of the conversations in the way Tony was usually exhausted when working on something nonstop. Not because of passion, but because he was using the work to escape or to avoid his own shit.

Steve didn’t startle at the hand on his shoulder—but the tension in him shifted, just enough to give it away. His breath left him a little slower this time, like Tony’s voice had cut through the noise in a way nothing else had managed to.

“Yeah,” he said quietly, not even pretending to argue it. His grip loosened on the champagne glass, lowering it without another sip. “That sounds like a good idea.”

He turned slightly, enough to glance at Tony, the tightness in his expression easing by a fraction. There was still weight there—too many eyes, too many expectations—but it wasn’t as sharp now. “Thought it might just be me,” he added, a faint, wry edge slipping into his voice. “Starting to feel like I need a tactical exit strategy for a fundraiser.”

Steve shifted with him as they moved, falling into step easily, shoulders angling away from the crowd without drawing attention. The noise followed for a few steps—laughter, music, the hum of voices—but it dulled as they neared the balcony doors.

“Lead the way,” he murmured, quieter now, like the promise of open air was already doing its job.

“You know,” he says quieter as they slip away from the crowd, opening the door for Steve and then closing it behind him as they step outside, just to avoid anyone taking liberties to follow them out here, “if champagne isn’t your sort of thing, I keep sparkling grape juice and the like on hand, I could tell the staff when you’re present to make sure that its offered instead of the bubbly,” he offers as he goes to look over the city skyline.

He moves slow, but his steps are sure, he was clearly getting better on his feet and his strength was slowly starting to come back to him, "Yeah that sounds good, I can't wait until I can wear jeans again, I'm going to have Happy bring some up when he brings the rest of my stuff. One of my AC/DC shirts?" He asks hopefully.

Steve nods in agreement as he goes to select Tony’s clothes for him.  He can’t fault Tony for wanting to wear jeans again.  They did look good on him.  They suited him.  He gathered his clothes and brought them over and helped him put them on.  Even with the little awkwardness, Steve finds that the process isn’t too bad.  When Tony’s dressed, Steve helps him back into his chair and then goes to dress himself.  He still needs to take his run, so he puts on sweats and his compression shirt as usual.

“Alright,” he said, stretching a little.  “Breakfast then?  I can make us both smoothies and we can have them outside if you want.” 

He wheels him out to the kitchen and gets to work, following the directions for Tony’s specialized meal first and then working on his.

“Uh..yeah I think if we could mostly get me dried off before I get out then I would like to try to walk to bed, I should be able to especially if I can lean on you a bit as I walk,” he reasons, drying off most of himself but struggling a bit with towel drying his hair.

Steve laughed.  “Well that’s very flattering.  Even bald?” he said.  He came over and began to help get Tony dry, getting the parts of him.  “I don’t mind growing a beard in for you.  At least for a little bit.  When we move out of here, maybe it will be a good thing to do anyway.  Give me a little bit of anonymity while we settle in.  That could be nice.” 

He moved over and began drying Tony off, getting all the spots that were harder for him to reach, and then stood and dried his hair a little better, playfully ruffling it at he did.

When he was done, he helped Tony to his feet, and he wrapped the towel around his waist. “Okay,” he said.  “How’s that?  Steady?” 

He moves slow, but his steps are sure, he was clearly getting better on his feet and his strength was slowly starting to come back to him, "Yeah that sounds good, I can't wait until I can wear jeans again, I'm going to have Happy bring some up when he brings the rest of my stuff. One of my AC/DC shirts?" He asks hopefully.

He can’t help but sigh softly, his head leaning forward to rest against Steve’s chest with his eyes closed while he rinses the conditioner from his hair, it did feel so nice to be taken care of like this. He rests his hands on Steve’s waist, his thumb rubbing little circles into his skin until he pulls away.

He wipes the water from his face and takes a breath as he is handed the shower head, it was never easy for him to have water on his face but it was unavoidable when he needed to wash his hair. Steve question makes him pause because now that he thought of it, this was the first time he’d ever had a shower with someone like this since Afghanistan.

Steve shrugged.  “Honestly, I prefer to be clean shaven.  I don’t feel like myself with a beard.  I don’t know if it’s just because of when I grew up or not.  Men didn’t tend to have beards as much back then.  But whatever the case, it just doesn’t really feel like me.  But, Natasha said I looked very hot with one.  So maybe I’ll grow one in sometime just so you can see for yourself.”

Steve looks back over his shoulder at Tony as he tells him about Afghanistan.  He’d naturally been careful to keep the water off his face, just because he didn’t want soap to get in his eyes.  He’d had no idea that Tony had that kind of trigger and he worried that he hadn’t been careful enough.  “Are you sure?” he asked.  “I’m sorry, honey.  If I’d known, I would have been more careful.  I’ll keep that in mind for next time.  I’m glad you enjoyed it though.  I really did.  I hope even when you’re well again we can save some water together.” 

He turned around to face him and pressed his hands on his thighs, leaning up and kissing him gently. “Thank you, honey.”

“Uh..yeah I think if we could mostly get me dried off before I get out then I would like to try to walk to bed, I should be able to especially if I can lean on you a bit as I walk,” he reasons, drying off most of himself but struggling a bit with towel drying his hair.

Steve nodded. “My hair grows pretty fast actually,” he said.  “Because of the serum.  It makes my cells divide really fast and because hair and nails grow faster than most cells.  I probably have to get my hair cut twice as often as I used to when I was younger.  You should have seen how fast I had a full beard when we were on the run.  You never got to see me with the beard though, did you?” 

He stood again and grabbed the shower head off and then carefully rinsed the conditioner out of Tony’s hair.  He hums to himself as he gets all of it out and when he’s done, he hands the shower nozzle to Tony and kneels back down in front of him, this time facing away from him so he can reach better.

He can’t help but sigh softly, his head leaning forward to rest against Steve’s chest with his eyes closed while he rinses the conditioner from his hair, it did feel so nice to be taken care of like this. He rests his hands on Steve’s waist, his thumb rubbing little circles into his skin until he pulls away.

He wipes the water from his face and takes a breath as he is handed the shower head, it was never easy for him to have water on his face but it was unavoidable when he needed to wash his hair. Steve question makes him pause because now that he thought of it, this was the first time he’d ever had a shower with someone like this since Afghanistan.

Steve had underestimated the noise. It wasn’t just volume — it was layers. Music threading through conversation, laughter bursting too loud and too close, the constant ripple of voices saying Captain like it was both greeting and entitlement. Everywhere he turned, someone wanted a word, a photo, a moment. Hands gestured in his direction. Glasses clinked. Cameras flashed. The room pressed in, elegant and relentless.

He smiled when he was supposed to. Nodded. Thanked people for their generosity, their support, their belief in causes that sounded better when spoken over champagne. His suit fit perfectly, tailored down to the last detail, and still it felt like too much. Like armor meant for a different kind of battle.

At some point, someone had placed a glass in his hand. He didn’t remember who. The champagne bubbled faintly against the crystal as he lifted it and took a sip, more for the motion than the taste. It did nothing — of course it did. No warmth, no dulling at the edges. Just a reminder that his body didn’t work the way people expected it to.

Steve exhaled slowly through his nose, eyes scanning for an exit that wouldn’t look like retreat. A shift in his stance, angling himself away from the densest part of the crowd, shoulders tight with restraint rather than fear. He lowered the glass after another pointless sip, fingers tightening briefly around the stem before relaxing again.

Tony was the picture of charm throughout the party but all he could think about was how exhausting it was to wear this mask. Sure there was a time in his life where he was more at home in a party than he was anywhere else but he wasn’t that guy anymore, he preferred to be in his lab than in a room like this. But looking at his face, you couldn’t tell, because the charming smile never dropped as he shmoozed his way through the crowd.

@justa-tinman | from here | accepting!

The look that Steve shot Tony was one of exhaustion and exasperation. "It's not mine," he replied easily, not that Tony had asked. He assumed (note: the correct word was hoped) that Tony cared whether or not it was, but Steve was certain he didn't even look injured - he wasn't.

"Had a run in with some Hydra guys," Steve offered by way of explanation anyway. "Didn't really have time to call for backup." He very pointedly did not explain the blood still, though his expression was certainly one that said he wasn't really willing to share any more details. His entire posture was one of fatigue, truthfully, after dealing with the attempted ambush and the aftermath of such an attack while he had just been out on a simple errand - not even a mission.

"I did say you could squat if you wanted," Tony points out teasingly, watching Steve kneel and his smile softens into something warmer, leaning forward to kiss Steve tenderly.

Steve grinned as Tony’s skin flushed pink yet again.  He was really getting a thrill out of getting this reaction from Tony.  He didn’t want to overdo it too much.  It wasn’t in his nature anyway, but he also had a feeling it would work better if these little teases came out of nowhere.

Steve hums into the kiss.  Surprised and delighted by the soft, romantic gesture.  He laughs at the comment when Tony pulls back though. “Oh I’m sure you won’t,” he says.

Then Tony starts washing his hair, and it’s like Steve’s brain switches on to static.  It feels so good.  Not in a sexual way, but there is an intimacy to it that Steve can’t quite describe.  He’s always enjoyed having his hair cut because of how nice it feels to have someone massage his scalp like that.  But to be naked in front of a man he’s falling for while he tenderly massaging conditioner into his scalp is next level.  His skin prickles and breaks out in goosebumps and his head drops forward, his eyelashes fluttering closed.  He has to brace himself on Tony’s thighs to stop from sinking right into the floor.

“Oh I can think of a good few things you could do with me up on your shoulders and as much as I love seeing you show off that strength of yours I think I would much rather see you on your knees for me, if you ever were going to do…what we both imagine you’d be doing,” Tony smirks, his eyes closed to avoid getting water or product in it but his signature smirk is only growing the more he thinks of it.

“It’s started to happen with me? Color me flattered, even if you aren’t hungry for it yet, it is good to know you think of me like that. Honestly I..with my history it’s never been more than fleeting with nearly everyone, except..well you know, with Pepper, and it was one thing to be seen as charming or good in bed but I never..it never mattered to me after the fact. After a fling or a night with someone, or ‘someones’ if I’m being honest, I never thought about them again. And I liked the idea of being the best but..I never wanted any of them to think of me like that outside of that moment. But I like the idea that you do, that I’m..on your mind in that way,” Tony says with a warmer smile now, glancing up to Steve once he realizes he’s done with the shampoo.

Steve nodded and worked the conditioner in the way that Tony instructed.  It definitely behaved a lot different to the shampoo, but he made sure it was all coating the hair as he also gave Tony a head massage. 

Steve laughed.  “Oh is that so?  On my knees, huh?”

He smiled to himself as Tony spoke about how he didn’t like the idea of other people thinking of him like that, despite his history and need to impress his partners.  It was interesting how their separate equations were so different.  But Steve could understand where he was coming from.

“Well, I do.  It’s new and it’s not explicit.  I mean, I did just suggest blowing you while you were on my shoulders, and that didn’t come from nowhere.  But - at the moment it's all focused on you.  I don’t know if that makes sense.  But I think about the things I could do that you might like and I like the idea of making you feel good.  I like the idea of turning you on, and making you moan, and seeing your face as I make you feel good in that way.  Even now, I like seeing you blush and squirm.”

"I did say you could squat if you wanted," Tony points out teasingly, watching Steve kneel and his smile softens into something warmer, leaning forward to kiss Steve tenderly.

Seeing how he can get Tony flustered too makes Steve feel a little powerful in a way he doesn’t experience normally.  It’s funny really, because he does know his own strength, and he also knows how attractive he is.  He’s known for a long time that wearing tighter shirts and letting them ride up a little got under Tony’s skin.  But Steve has never felt sexual in any way shape or form.  And even though he knew Tony thought he was hot, he’d never seen him short circuit like this before.  And Tony was sexual.  Very sexual.  He’d probably done things Steve hadn’t even thought were possible.  The fact Steve’s innuendo could make him double take feels so good.  Like’s he’s been able to achieve something very few people could.

He shook his head. “No. I don’t know what that is.  It’s just that, I got this device at my fingertips where I can look up anything and people share their thoughts and someone I met said something to me about how they’d read fanfiction about me, and I had no idea what they were talking about. So I looked it up.  And… Well… Yeah… That’s something they can keep to themselves.  But it definitely made me realize I don’t think the way other people do.  I couldn’t imagine making up a whole story about the different ways a person I found attractive had sex.  Not even in my head.  The only time was Peggy and that was after a year of getting to know her and even then it was like ‘her and I on our wedding night,’ something that was supposed to happen.  And now, it’s starting to happen with you.”  His blushed deepened and he shrugged.  “Sorry… got off track there.  Don’t worry though, I won’t be looking up more of it.”

He laughed. “Oh I think you know what I mean.  You’re not going to trick me into be explicit with you, Mister Stark,” he teased.  “Use your imagination.  What do you think I could do if I had you up on my shoulders in front of my face?” 

“Oh I can think of a good few things you could do with me up on your shoulders and as much as I love seeing you show off that strength of yours I think I would much rather see you on your knees for me, if you ever were going to do…what we both imagine you’d be doing,” Tony smirks, his eyes closed to avoid getting water or product in it but his signature smirk is only growing the more he thinks of it.

“It’s started to happen with me? Color me flattered, even if you aren’t hungry for it yet, it is good to know you think of me like that. Honestly I..with my history it’s never been more than fleeting with nearly everyone, except..well you know, with Pepper, and it was one thing to be seen as charming or good in bed but I never..it never mattered to me after the fact. After a fling or a night with someone, or ‘someones’ if I’m being honest, I never thought about them again. And I liked the idea of being the best but..I never wanted any of them to think of me like that outside of that moment. But I like the idea that you do, that I’m..on your mind in that way,” Tony says with a warmer smile now, glancing up to Steve once he realizes he’s done with the shampoo.

"I don't feel like anything is missing for me sweetheart, not at all. Maybe in a way it's good that I'm in recovery and still doing PT because it makes it easier to not be focused on that. I know I can be..the term hypersexual has been thrown at me before, sex addict, which is definitely not true. I've been addicted to shit, I know that I can live perfectly well without it, but it has been such a huge part of my life for most of it. But slowing down like this? It's good, it means that when we eventually do, that it'll mean something," he reasons softly, humming happily into the warm kiss before nodding, "Yeah, water conservation and all that, gotta be ecologically responsible," he grins, watching Steve stand and go back to his hair.

Steve laughed and a soft pink crept up the back of his neck.  “Honestly,” he said. “Kinda.  I know -” he paused and took a deep breath letting it out slowly. “Okay… so I’ve seen fanfiction and I know how people look at me.  I’m sure there’s people who, god I hate this term, but for the lack of a better one, pleasure themselves to the thought of me.  That makes me feel kinda… well, yuck.  But it doesn’t hurt me that they are, so to each their own.  But I like that you are that into me.  I think I’d feel pretty smug if I made that happen.” 

He nods in understanding, giving Tony’s shoulders a reassuring squeeze.  “I get that.  You’re healing.  And one day, you’ll be climbing me like a tree, and I’ll be happy to let you.  Hopefully that times out perfectly, huh?” he said. “And don’t worry, I’m strong enough to hold you up.  I bet I could hold you on my shoulders, while I… well, you get the picture.”

He smiles faintly as he goes into the food analogy, taking his hands as he crouches to meet his eyes. It made sense and it was fair that Steve just wasn’t there yet. And he understood that more than anything, in all honesty it was completely reasonable and he just wanted to respect however much time Steve needed to get there.

He laughs a little when Steve gets to describing Tony’s potential needs and he leans down to kiss him softly, “honey no I..if I get hard then I’ll get hard and it’ll go away and if I want to go jerk off at some point when I’m alone then I will. But stepping away from you because I’m hard in the moment? That’s..I don’t want to do that, I might need to cool it for a second if it gets bad enough that I’m overwhelmed or overstimulated and need a breather, but I wouldn’t want to step away right then just to go jerk off. And I promise, I’m not just gonna finish in my pants, I’m not that bad,” he grins, sitting back in his chair to look at him properly. It was so warm in the shower and he was glad they were having this conversation like this, it was really important and it felt somehow less awkward to do it like this then just sitting in bed or something looking at each other.

“I’m hungry sure but..but lately when I have been hungry it’s been…it’s not just for sex. It’s for you Steve. I..” he takes a slow breath as he tries to figure out the words and wanting to try and stick with the same analogy.

“You’re right I’ve eaten this food before but it’s been by different chefs every time and it’s..sometimes it’s been good but sometimes it’s been..meh. And right now I have an exclusive reservation at your restaurant with you, I just don’t know when it is but I don’t care. It’s worth the wait. You are worth the wait Steve. I’m not starving by any means, like I said even if we wanted to I’m in no state to be exerting myself so much, they’ll probably lock me back up in medbay if I tried and ended up on my ass,” he says with smirk as he runs his hands over Steve’s chest to his shoulders.

Steve smiles and nods when Tony talks about not wanting to just step away in the moment to jerk off if he got hard.  He could understand that.  It could definitely feel extra awkward to do something like that, he’d imagined. “I get it.  And - you know - just know I am okay with it, if at any point that changes.  And hey, don’t discount needing to cum in your pants, I know how you feel about me.  Who knows, maybe one time we’ll get so hot and heavy you just won’t be able to help yourself,” he teased.

He reached up and caressed Tony’s cheek.  “It feels really good to hear that you’re as hungry for spending time with me as I am for you.  I’m glad it doesn’t feel like you’re missing a major component of a relationship.  At least not yet.  And I want to reiterate, the way you’re thinking about my comfort and willing to be so patient with me is so good.  It makes me feel so taken care of.  But, it’s a two way street, you know?  I want to make you feel that way too.  And, I don’t want you holding back who you are.  I don’t even want you to not touch me.  I like when you do.”

"I don't feel like anything is missing for me sweetheart, not at all. Maybe in a way it's good that I'm in recovery and still doing PT because it makes it easier to not be focused on that. I know I can be..the term hypersexual has been thrown at me before, sex addict, which is definitely not true. I've been addicted to shit, I know that I can live perfectly well without it, but it has been such a huge part of my life for most of it. But slowing down like this? It's good, it means that when we eventually do, that it'll mean something," he reasons softly, humming happily into the warm kiss before nodding, "Yeah, water conservation and all that, gotta be ecologically responsible," he grins, watching Steve stand and go back to his hair.

Steve has never seen Tony so flustered and shy before.  Tony, self-proclaimed playboy, never got flustered around people he was interested in.  It was a little overwhelming seeing how much Tony was trying to make sure Steve was comfortable and didn’t feel any pressure from him.  He clearly wanted it to work between them.  That thought alone made Steve’s heart throb.

The kiss on his hip sent a shiver through him and he brushed his fingers through Tony’s hair.  He took the retractable shower head down and began carefully wetting Tony’s hair making sure he didn’t get any water in his face, as he considered what Tony had said to him and how he felt about everything.  Sex.  Tony feels about it.  What he was and wasn’t okay with.  When he set the showerhead back he grabbed the shampoo and began to work it in, massaging his scalp as he does.  Wanting to make Tony feel nice and relaxed.“I love how much you’re trying to make me comfortable with all this.  You’ve been so respectful of my boundaries, and I really do appreciate that.  I love that you’re willing to wait for me.  As far as sex goes and how I feel about us having it, the desire still isn’t really there, but it’s getting there.  I can see how attractive you are, and I feel how much you care about me.  I’m falling for you so much faster than I imagined I could.  Faster than I did with Peggy.  But I guess, we have a lot of history already.  Whatever it is, I see you now naked and I do think how pretty you are and how one day I’ll be…” he pauses and clears his throat.  “I’ll be giving you everything you want and how amazing you must look like that.  But that feels still very tied into how I just feel about art.  But it’s not like sex is calling to me. I don't feel like I’m missing it.  I could just say, okay sure, let’s do it.  Or I could offer to do something for you, like jerk you off or give you a blow job.  It’s not like sex disgusts me.  It scares me a little, I suppose, but I’m not repelled by it.” 

He smiles faintly as he goes into the food analogy, taking his hands as he crouches to meet his eyes. It made sense and it was fair that Steve just wasn’t there yet. And he understood that more than anything, in all honesty it was completely reasonable and he just wanted to respect however much time Steve needed to get there.

He laughs a little when Steve gets to describing Tony’s potential needs and he leans down to kiss him softly, “honey no I..if I get hard then I’ll get hard and it’ll go away and if I want to go jerk off at some point when I’m alone then I will. But stepping away from you because I’m hard in the moment? That’s..I don’t want to do that, I might need to cool it for a second if it gets bad enough that I’m overwhelmed or overstimulated and need a breather, but I wouldn’t want to step away right then just to go jerk off. And I promise, I’m not just gonna finish in my pants, I’m not that bad,” he grins, sitting back in his chair to look at him properly. It was so warm in the shower and he was glad they were having this conversation like this, it was really important and it felt somehow less awkward to do it like this then just sitting in bed or something looking at each other.

“I’m hungry sure but..but lately when I have been hungry it’s been…it’s not just for sex. It’s for you Steve. I..” he takes a slow breath as he tries to figure out the words and wanting to try and stick with the same analogy.

“You’re right I’ve eaten this food before but it’s been by different chefs every time and it’s..sometimes it’s been good but sometimes it’s been..meh. And right now I have an exclusive reservation at your restaurant with you, I just don’t know when it is but I don’t care. It’s worth the wait. You are worth the wait Steve. I’m not starving by any means, like I said even if we wanted to I’m in no state to be exerting myself so much, they’ll probably lock me back up in medbay if I tried and ended up on my ass,” he says with smirk as he runs his hands over Steve’s chest to his shoulders.

The first night he’s so homesick for his usual rooms and his workshop that he just stays in bed, curled up in the rooms they were sharing. He didn’t want to be surrounded by strangers when he felt like this, it was too nerve-wracking when he’d been having nightmares every night of Obadiah. He had finally been caught and banished from the palace but the damage was done, it was clear from how shut down he’d become.

He tries to smile when Silas comes back from dinner, sitting up and looking down at his hands, “I hope I didn’t disappoint your parents too much by..by not joining the meal tonight..” he says softly.