yumi

the moment you reached some sort of air circulation, you took a deep breath, plugging in your headphones, fidgeting with the black wire as you took small sips from your cup. your playlist shuffled from the smiths, to joy division, and a mixture of all things you loved.

a sudden tap on your shoulder brought you back down, turning around to see that same dimpled smile you love. his eyes sparkled, messy hair falling perfectly over his forehead. you felt a visible release of tension as you sighed.

“some other people over there are gonna start playing truth or dare,”

you could smell the light scent of liquor on his breath, “wanna go?”

you nodded slowly, grabbing onto his sleeve as you walked through the crowd again. truth or dare was always a timeless game that, even now, two years into college, it followed you. there was already a small clearing formed in the back corner of the lounge.

no matter how much you dreaded the game, you sat down beside soobin on the floor, now meeting some familiar faces. it was a simple game; stick a bottle in the middle, spin it, and whoever it landed on had to pick truth or dare. like always, the game consisted of secretive questions and more physical touch than needed. it wasn’t until the bottle landed on soobin that you truly started paying attention.

“oh uh, t-tr.. no! dare!” he stammered, looking over at jisung, anticipating the worst.

jisung gave you a knowing look, pretending to think intensely. honestly, the only person who couldn’t see your overwhelming crush on soobin was him himself. so what would anyone do to pursue this everlasting love?

“i dare you to.. kiss the prettiest girl here.” jisung smirked, giving you a knowing look.

the words echoed in your head, the world slowing down as you looked over to soobin. you could see the color rising in his cheeks, his eyes darting around nervously. the pushing from the others clearly getting to him. it was like all eyes were on you, expecting him to finally make that first move, then happily ever after. you held your breath, your heart pounding in your chest, hands clammy prepared for his touch. then he turned, his soft lips pressing a tender kiss onto jisu. choi jisu. the choi jisu that wasn’t you. you felt the room tilt, a sharp pain slicing through your chest as if someone had physically struck you.

the cheers died down, the room spinning around you. you forced a chuckle, a brittle sound that cracked at the edges as soobin turned back to you, his face a mask of embarrassment. your vision blurred, tears pricking at your waterline, threatening to fall. you tried to steady your breathing,, looking down at your own interlocked hands, nails digging into each other leaving a sting.

“oh, wow,” someone exclaimed, the voices around you muffled and distant. “that was.. uh.. unexpected.”

three more rounds. you just had to endure three more rounds. but the pain was too raw, too immediate. you couldn’t sit through it anymore. with a shaky breath, you slowly stood up, the room spinning slightly as you did. an uncoordinated speed walk toward the kitchen, the noise of the party fading into the background, despite the heavy bass vibrating the floor beneath you.

you had to lean against the counter to ground yourself, the cool surface calming that burning pit that dug deeper and deeper into your stomach. a few minutes passed, each second feeling like an eternity. the kitchen was a little quieter, the party's noise dulled by the walls, and the lack of people comforting your aching pain. you took a few deep breaths, trying to steady yourself, when you heard footsteps approaching. you didn’t need to open your eyes to know who it was.

“hey,” he mumbled as he walked closer, voice soft and laced with worry, “you okay?”

you forced a smile, opening your eyes to meet his worried gaze. “yeah, i’m fine,” you muttered, the lie tasting bitter on your tongue. you could see the uncertainty in his eyes, the care. it made your heart ache even more.

“why’d you run out like that? the bottle landed on your spot before you left,” he gave you a small smile, likely to try to brighten the mood.

you shook your head, swallowing the lump in your throat. “i’m.. i'm fine. really.” the words felt hollow. “can we just.. can we just go home?”

“yeah.. uh.. yeah, let’s just get out of here.”

the walk back to his car was silent, the cold night air a stark contrast to the mix of heat you had inside. you focused on the crunch of gravel beneath your feet, anything to keep your mind from replaying the scene over and over, the daggering stares that would especially keep you up at night.

you leaned back against the seat, closing your eyes. the quiet hum of the engine as soobin started the car was oddly comforting, the radio buzzing static; he still hadn’t fixed it. the silence between you was heavy but familiar, a shared understanding that words weren’t necessary right now. the street lights flickered past, casting fleeting shadows across soobin’s face. you stole a glance at him, or maybe two, or maybe it was blatant staring at the one you refused to acknowledge belonged to another.

you both sat in the car for a moment longer, the silence wrapping around you like a fragile cocoon as he parked in front of your dorm building. finally, you took a deep breath and opened the door. “goodnight, soobin.”

“goodnight,” he echoed, watching as you stepped out. you gave him a small wave before heading inside, the cool night air a balm to your burning eyes.

you unlocked your door and stepped inside, the quiet of your dorm deafening. leaning against the closed door, you let out a long, shuddering breath. as you slid down to the floor, knees pulled to your chest, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt. was it really fair to feel this hurt? he hadn’t done anything wrong. but the more you tried to rationalize it, the more the pain seemed to deepen, settling into every corner of your heart.

now, sitting alone in your dorm, the weight of those years pressed down on you. it wasn’t just a crush. it was a love that had been nurtured and grown over a decade. seeing him kiss her wasn’t just a momentary sting; it was the shattering of a thousand unspoken dreams and hopes. you buried your face in your hands, willing the tears to stay at bay. maybe you were overreacting. maybe it wasn’t fair to feel this way. but love wasn’t fair. it was messy and complicated, and it didn’t care about logic or reason. the tears came anyway, silent and relentless. you allowed yourself to cry, to mourn the love that had never had a chance to bloom. you cried for the missed opportunities, the words left unsaid, and the heart that had been laid bare tonight.

han jisung chem

hey im sorry abt tonight i had no clue he would do that look if you need anyone to talk to im here sorry again

read 2:37am

you were beomgyu's best friend. only friend? yes. but the best one either way. it was almost cliché the way you had met. bumping into him at a convenience store and accidentally spilling all of his iced coffee all over him. you were so cute, cheeks flushed in embarrassment as you scrambled to grab tissues before the stain could soak in. it was a shame he was wearing a white tshirt.

every day after that it was like you saw beomgyu everywhere. you hadn't even realized he was in your same class until you were forced to sit next to him, a bright smile creeping onto your face, you're from the convenience store, right? i'm still so sorry about the coffee. he only glared, lips parting as he worked up an answer before you spoke again. i can buy you another one after school if you don't mind, you offered shyly.

you truly grew on him. your bubbly (but fierce) personality, always defending him from rude remarks, closely following behind him wherever he went. hallway glances turned to eating every lunch together, small talk turned to meaningful conversations about your futures, swing sets at the park turned to laying side by side on his bed, an earbud each as you listened to acoustic instrumental.

even now, as you sat in his lap, staring at his lips for a bit too long before nervously looking back up, brushing stray hairs out of his face.

the day, today, where beomgyu had kissed you like he'd wanted to for so long. you were shocked to say the least but didn't think about pulling away for a second. it was like flowers bloomed, the dim lamp on his nightstand creating a glow around you. beomgyu kissed you again, no words enough to make you understand his longing.

arms wrapped around your waist to pull you closer, soft hairs tickling your neck as he nuzzled into you, squeezing you tight.

beomgyu still had that white tshirt, tucked away in the corners of his closet. he cherished you more than you thought, a sunshine brought into his dull life. choi beomgyu loved you, and now he'll never let you forget it.