Journey To Wholeness

i think the funniest and realist thing i’ve realized lately is how troubling idealization can be. every person is just… a person. the very people you want to impress or be apart of are just people. even if they seem wildly intimidating because of the way they look or because of their reputation, every one is just a person. human. as embarrassing, as remorseful and they are going through stages of growth just like you are. we only see what we want to see and then drown ourselves further in our own depression and we don’t have to.

truly and i am learning the less i idealise others, the more willing i am to meet people where they are warts n all. and the more willing i am to show myself too and bring my whole self into things. my own embarrassment becomes a new normal and fine thing. stumbling becomes more endearing.

had a teacher once who told us “idealizing people is just as dehumanizing as demonizing them” and that stuck with me so much

i love my grandma. and my mom. and myself too because every time i see them i see myself in them and there’s just. not enough words to say how thankful i am to resemble the two most beautiful kind hearted women i know

i am here. i am not in my past nor am i in the future. i am here; i am safe and loved and at peace. there is nowhere else that i should be besides in this moment.

dont romanticize the sadness. just let it exist plainly, like it did when you were a very young child, when you werent old enough to give it baggage. you'll find it's more devastating and cleansing that way

U can grieve and still live life. U can miss loving someone and love others. You can hold onto the good moments and simultaneously the bad moments. You can take the learning from a person you let go off and use it for the better. You can love someone and they may not be the right person. You can wish someone the best and love them from a distance. You can think fondly of someone and never talk to them again.. mysteries of the world…

As my theater professor said, “Smart people can hold two opposing ideas in their heads at once.”

thinking about all the “small” art that’s ever existed. songs that were only ever sung in one village. stories written by children that got lost in the shuffle. personal paintings that didn’t survive the test of time. how they affected the lives of just a few, but still existed, still mattered to someone.

this is not a sad post!!!! this is a celebration!!!!! art is part of the human condition!!!!!!! we were born to create and share!!!!!!!!!!!

U can grieve and still live life. U can miss loving someone and love others. You can hold onto the good moments and simultaneously the bad moments. You can take the learning from a person you let go off and use it for the better. You can love someone and they may not be the right person. You can wish someone the best and love them from a distance. You can think fondly of someone and never talk to them again.. mysteries of the world…

did the rain let up yet? did things grow in its wake? i love you. i hope you dream of someone you love but only if it’s good for you. i haven’t in a while because God knows what it would do to me. i’ve been looking in the mirror again but not for too long. i hope light pours into your room just right and you are blinded with the beauty of being alive and landing on an earth that has a sunrise. i love you.

i'm eternally wounded, but who isnt. i try to remember the eternity is also inside everyone else. we all carry the wounds with plenty context. plenty interconnected. and then we stop being.

there are so many people who are waiting to love you. keep going

babes like...life is beautiful and vivid, please dont be afraid of getting your hands in it just bc there might be some mud left over. You're in the body to experience good, positive, loving things. we are experiencing this universe as humans together, allow yourself the immersion experience!! be the type of person you're scared to lose.

Crazy how we are everything that has happened to us but then you meet someone and you don’t see everything that has happened to them you just see them. And you both try to explain everything that has happened to you but your words and memories are so biased and oversimplified.

Guess I just won’t understand things for a while and I’ll have to be okay with that

Huge fan of human connection, and love, and loss, and laying in the dark at night with the fan on thinking about things other people taught me and crying grateful happy tears