fly me to the moon

sometimes being who I am stresses me out especially lately  when the people around me resist or have harder troubles communicating  than I do than I did Being here and feeling as though I don’t have a direction is unsettling and unnerving.  There are places I want to be yet truthfully those are the places I want to be with someone else There are things I want to do feelings I want to feel yet I find myself stranded here by choice by divinity struggling with my feelings struggling with my perception For me, the hardest thing about “higher consciousness” and positivity is not being surrounded by other like minded individuals. Perhaps I can seek them out, join groups, join clubs, or something like that. When I think of doing these things I feel a sort of exhaustion within me. An exhaustion that says, “Hey man? I don’t want to put effort into yet another thing only to feel like I am still grasping at invisible strings.” Being who I am, I love who I am, but it is lonely. It is lonesome. It is frustrating trying to be heard in a world which thinks little of it. It is frustrating living in a world where others have been silenced so many times before so they don’t bother speaking up about their feelings until it’s time to create friction. 

I am frustrated being here. Sometimes, I am frustrated being alive. It’s not as if I imagine offing myself, but more like I imagine myself just not existing in the world I have around me today. Constantly I feel displaced and every time I try to find my place, decide my place, and seek my place out there is resistance from someone else telling me I’m not allowed to do that. Fuck you. Support me. 

The only reason I would want to have a kid or be a teacher is to teach these kids how to use their voices and how to LISTEN to other people’s voices. I would teach them how to set themselves aside to see the other person, yet still stand up for who they are and their feelings. These things are so important through life and not enough people possess these skills. Not the people around me, anyway, and sometimes not even myself.  I want to disappear and find myself in a world where I am brought in with open arms. I am so tired of being a symbol of change and bringing change wherever I go, only to create a hatred from the people I bloom around. I am following my path and I am following the instinct and voice inside of me and it’s like no one wants to see that. No one wants to embrace it. No one wants to embrace me.  And that. That right there, that’s what keeps me circling around this god forsaken town. The lack of being embraced and heard here in the physical. I can only take so much and I’ve been saying this for years. 

when locked up at grodds, why didn't he just phase through the jail bars?? like?? barry you literally just phased through an entire building four episodes ago now you can't phase through jail bars?? ON GORILLA ISLAND? there was more but thats my pressing issue