j u l y

one of the most boring lessons I’ve learned is that when a task feels overwhelming, you just have to start doing it. Even if you’re not sure how to do 90% of it, look for one small component that seems close and start there. Sometimes it’s reading one article on the topic, or searching one related term, or literally just googling how to do the task. Do anything other than thinking about it. The process of working on a thing inherently makes it less scary.

I think part of getting better is complete ego death. Like you’re not above setting a timer for 5 minutes and focusing on a task. You’re not above doing a very simple 3 minute workout to start. You’re not above reading for 10 minutes a day when you first get out of your reading slump, even if you used to read for hours. You’re not above starting slow and then building up to where you want to be/where you once were. What you are above is total inertia. Doing something really is better than doing nothing. Radically accept where you are, radically accept your limits, and go from there. Don’t let your ego get in the way.

Your power is found in facing the parts of you that believe you don’t have any. The simplest way to recognize them is this is to notice what triggers you. What you procrastinate on. What you avoid. What feels too big, too uncomfortable, too exposing. That’s where your power is hiding and these reflections will typically come in the form of another person. In the things they say, the patterns they mirror and the emotions they activate in you, what you tolerate. Not because they are the problem but because they are revealing where the work still is. What you feel strongly about in others is often pointing you back to something in yourself that’s ready to be met

not doomed by the narrative but saved by the narrative. yeah i know you'd rather die than keep suffering but the story doesn't actually care what you want. you have to keep going, even when it hurts. even being erased from existence won't stop you from being salvaged from the wreckage of un-being. get up. keep pushing. keep bleeding. keep living.

“Do it scared” “do it alone” are all great tips, but my biggest takeaway from therapy is do it messy. This is especially true if you’re getting out of a burnout, which I experience often. Literally just do it messy. You don’t need to pick the perfect trail to walk, the perfect playlist to listen to, whatever the fuck it is. You don’t need to have a meticulous to do list and wake up at the exact time you planned and drink the exact amount of water you planned to drink. Like the biggest thing for people like me to remember is sometimes it’s okay to do it messy. Put on a random yt workout and just get it done in sweats. Do 5 minutes of a daunting task and go from there. Sometimes just getting up is a win during intense burnouts or depressive funks. Literally just do it messy.

I think sitting on the floor of the ocean for a few hours would fix me