♡Julius Doherty♡

Rage took over Killian at what an emotionless, lack of response Julius had. The strawberry blonde was in love with the other man, and he knew damn well Julius shared the same feelings for him. What he didn't understand was how Julius managed to be so convincing, pretending he didn't feel the same. Killian couldn't comprehend the other man near always acting as if he never had one, single, goddamn emotion towards him.

Of course, Julius did have many feelings for and emotions about Killian. All of which were now bubbling up inside, upon being reunited with…his everything. That's what Killian was and meant to Julius: everything. Digging razor-sharp teeth into his inner lip, Julius willed away tears. Only thanks to a lifetime of practice, was he somehow able to maintain the emotionless facade while observing Killian.

It didn't show through, but internally, Julius was shocked at how simultaneously similar, yet different Killian looked. The blonde was just as handsome, if not more than ever. Julius discreetly swallowed a verbal reaction to how stunning he found Killian's new, demonic appearance to be – despite him being somewhat dirty at the moment (thanks to having to climb out of the grave).

Already fair skin had turned a ghostly white, making Killian's strawberry blonde, overgrown stubble stand out more – something Julius found very attractive. However, the skin around Killian's eye sockets and on his lips had suffered discoloration, of what could only be described as the hue of death. The dark tone of it starkly contrasted against Killian's now fully electric blue eyeballs, causing the shocking sight of them to jump out even more prominently. The blonde's new lack of pupils unnerved Julius a bit, leaving him unable to tell exactly where Killian's gaze was. Though, Julius could feel the intensity of it locked directly on him.

The last, huge change to the strawberry blonde's appearance caused an indescribable ache to develop in Julius's chest. On Killian's neck, there was now a large, angry red, and barely healed scar…right where he'd slit the other man's throat, resulting in Killian's death. Julius always had found the scars on Killian's body to be, quite frankly, sexy. However, the new scar was a reminder, a painful one, of the last time they'd been together. Julius thought it would have been the final time, after he'd realized the reality of what he had done.

Guilt flooded Julius, along with anger toward himself and a sense of incredibly deep sadness. He had missed Killian, he'd missed him so fucking much. Julius had found out he was incapable of living without the blonde. When he'd gone to Killian's grave to apologize and inform the dead man that they'd be together again soon, Julius had meant as in death.

The young man, truthfully, set himself up to be killed, since he always failed attempts from his hand. What Julius didn't expect at the time was to be offered a deal with the devil. He never could have foreseen being turned into and brought back as a demon, and by proxy Killian, who was to serve him eternally.

The couple (and there was no use continuing to deny that's what they were) could never be separated again. Julius and Killian's souls had become intertwined, to put it simply. For better or worse, they were destined to be together for eternity. Julius knew how he felt about that, but he didn't want to acknowledge it.

Resisting the urge to run and embrace the man he loved, Julius instead chose to coldly cross his arms and straighten his back with shoulders squared. He tilted his chin up slightly in a challenging manner, his facial expression growing even more cold and dead.

Locked in a silent staring contest and unable to read whatever Julius felt and thought, Killian also took in the other's changed appearance. What had once been fiery red hair, often worn slicked back, was now fluffy, long, bangs stylishly falling in front of his face, colored a bright purple, with cherry-pink tints. Previous ocean blue eyes had become icy, near white, and seemed to glow ever so slightly. Pale though gently sun-tanned skin had become the color of porcelain, just like the dolls Julius so would collect and obsess over for as long as Killian could recall.

The man…no, demon, resembled a porcelain doll, himself. With the dramatic make up, round cheeks and small but full pouty lips, both colored a soft pink, Julius nearly could pass as a life-sized porcelain doll.

Of course, there was a small, black heart on his cheekbone as well as a pair of bracelets adorning both slender wrists; charms in the shape of hearts. What had once been fingernails were now long, dangerously sharp, pitch-black claws. Julius previously had slightly crooked teeth, which had slowly been stained over the years from smoking – something Killian always found cute, especially on the rare occasion of Julius smiling. Now, in their place were sharp fangs - every last tooth was now a bright white and fanged, with a particularly dangerous-looking pair of canines.

Julius had new clothing, as well. Gone were the monochrome colors. His clothing was now brighter, flamboyant, and much more fitted. His heels were higher, on new, dark leather boots that reached his mid-thigh. In fact, all his clothes appeared to be leather, minus the bright blue shirt which had a low cut with white lace trim. The top few buttons were undone, showing off his muscular chest that was emphasized by a dramatically tight corset vest. Skin tight, black leather pants shined in the light. Halters on his thighs looked more like garters with the way he'd fastened them to his belt.

The person Killian had known and fallen for was still recognizably there, though not by much. Nevertheless, it was undeniable that Julius was more breathtaking than ever, which was both to Killian's dismay and pleasing. Dismay, because the so terrifyingly gorgeous man made it difficult to not think about how he'd look while Killian ravished him. Something he'd done countless times with Julius.

Mostly, the sex was rough, beyond it. On many occasions, it was violent and hateful, even. There were times, however, it had been slow, meaningful, and filled with emotions of love and happiness. They'd both confess their feelings towards each other while making love, even though Julius would always either say he'd been lying or flat-out pretend it hadn't happened the following morning. God, did that hurt Killian to his core - every time it happened, it hurt worse than the last.

What made it worse was the way he could see the spark of joy that would flicker in Julius's eyes when he hurt Killian. It was the spark that would flicker when Julius was telling when he was showing Killian how much he loved and cared. It made the blonde feel like he was going insane, more and more by the day.

Killian never understood it, how did Julius get so much joy from hurting the person he so deeply loved? Why did he do it? Why did Julius so terribly want to tear Killian apart inside, crush his soul into dust and turn his heart this cold? And why on Earth did Killian let him, so easily? Especially after the blonde had sworn to himself that no one would ever be capable of breaking him down, something he had damn well followed through on, he still let Julius continue breaking, ripping both his heart and soul to shreds.

A conscious decision. Killian knew it was his choice to let Julius continue hurting him. He could have ended it permanently by simply placing a bullet between the other man's eyes, an action he'd committed so casually that it came to Killian as easily as breathing. The reason he didn't end things, didn't end Julius Goddamn Doherty himself, was not because Killian had some delusion Julius would change - and honestly, he didn't want Julius to change. Julius scared Killian, he was the only person capable of doing so, and Killian loved it as much as he loved Julius. It was one of the reasons the blonde had fallen in love with him, to begin with.

Truthfully, Killian couldn't have ever brought himself to end the life of the man who made him feel alive. Hell, it was driving him mad the more he thought about it because Killian knew damn well he enjoyed hurting and breaking Julius too. The blonde tried to ration with himself that it must be due to the feeling of absolute dominance, power, and control that it gave Killian to cause harm to, to turn helpless, to use, to break down the only person capable of striking fear into his soul like the hand of God. He tried to convince himself the enjoyment he got watching the shorter man suffer at his hands was all rooted in a mentality of taking the power back from Julius. Showing who was really in control, reminding Julius that he only held any power if Killian allowed it.

Or, were they both just that fucked up, to find enjoyment in bringing pain to the person they loved the most? Undeniably, they did it to each other, even if it was in different ways. For the most part, Killian would inflict physical harm upon Julius and found enjoyment in it. Whereas, Julius tended to prefer inflicting harm mentally on Killian and found enjoyment in it. For some inexplicable and messed up reason, both men were always egging each other on to do more and do worse. Julius admitted he liked the pain, and Killian admitted he loved the way Julius scared him was no different.

What Killian didn't love was the way Julius weaponized love. The blonde knew it was because Julius was too scared to make himself that vulnerable to him, fearing what Killian would do if he let his guard down when it came to their love. Ironically, the only thing that Julius was terrified of when it came to Killian, was the only thing Killian wished he wouldn't be scared of. Love wasn't something to weaponize, not as far as Killian believed, at least. So why did Julius do that to him?

Memories upon memories flooded the blonde man as he stared at the love of his life. Half of Killian wanted to scream at, hurt, and break apart Julius for everything he'd done, the other half wanted to forgive, embrace, apologize, and kiss while confessing everything he felt for Julius. All of him wanted to do the entirety of that and more.

"You gonna speak or just keep staring, Killy?" Julius sneered. Contrary to his change in appearance, Julius's personality seemed to have remained fully intact.

The comment was all it took for the strawberry blonde to snap. Lunging at the now purple-haired man, with newly acquired inhuman strength, he easily tackled and pinned Julius to the floor beneath himself.

Caught off guard at the sudden escalation, Julius yelped in surprise as Killian grabbed him, grunting in pain upon being mercilessly slammed into the hardwood floor. "Oh, now what the fuck was that for?!" Julius's voice dripped with sarcasm, groaning a bit at the immediate smack to the mouth Killian gave him.

Courtesy of the violent contact his head made with the floor upon both being tackled and then once more due to the brute force of the smack, Julius was over overwhelmed by the searing pain. The result was retorting with nothing more than an incoherent stream of swears while Julius attempted to squirm his way out from underneath the larger man.

Killian was thoroughly unamused by the sarcastic comment and half-intelligible insults now being thrown at him, "Oh, shut the fuck up!" He punctuated his words with harsh, repeated smacks across Julius's face. "Don't tell me you fuckin' thought you was gonna getta way unscathed, not with that shit you pulled, damn bitch!"

The purple-haired demon gave up on his fruitless attempts to get away. Instead, Julius's body went entirely limp and he just stared up with icy eyes. "What are you gonna do to me, Killy? We're both dead, you can't murder me for revenge," Julius bluntly stated the fact, in a monotone.

Killian became even more enraged by the ever-depleting emotions from Julius. His response was to grab Julius's slim wrists with bruising force, pinning both hands above his head. With nothing but danger in his voice, despite the quiet and calm tone, "I'm gonna fuckin' hurt you, just like you goddamn hurt me," Killian chuckled darkly.

The reply Julius gave was nothing more than kneeing the blonde in the gut and spitting in his face. He successfully knocked the wind out of Killian, but Julius had exhausted himself on his spree kill earlier. He hardly finished cleaning himself up from the blood bath, let alone had time to relax, before the blonde returned to his life. With much lower strength than usual (and certainly much less than the other demon held, at the moment), Julius hadn't even mustered enough force to knock the other away from him. All he'd done was piss off Killian more.

"Ya wanna fuckin' fight, Julie?!" Killian screamed, leaning mere inches from Julius's face. His emotions, his hurt, and pain, like always, came out as anger. Taking advantage of how skinny the purple-haired demon's wrists were, the blonde quickly maneuvered both into a tight lock with a single hand. Now freed, long, slender digits wrapped around Julius's throat, in a grip that was light yet threatening. "Ya wanna feel some pain, ya fuckin' bitch?! Ya always wanna start shit ya can't finish - and ya ain't able to get ridda me again, piece'a shit! Good for nothin' bitch, you are! All ya know how to goddamn do is fight 'nd fuck! So which the hell do ya want from me this time?! Huh?!"

"I want you to fuck right off and stay dead!" Julius spat the words as he gave up struggling from the pin Killian had him in on the floor. Killian smirked knowing Julius had given up.

It was all so familiar to Killian, wanting nothing more than to tell Julius just how much he loved him and how he wanted nothing more than to be together - but utterly failing to do so. Instead, he was screaming at the other man, hurting him and further destroying whatever trust Julius might have for him, therefore only hurting himself, in the process. That's when it finally clicked for the blonde. He didn't want to continue the way he had with Julius.

Killian hated his inability to communicate with Julius. Killian detested himself for treating the one he loved so poorly. The blonde realized it was wrong, that this was not how you treated someone you loved and wanted to spend forever with. The problem was, Killian didn't know how to convey his feelings properly; which only served to frustrate him further. Plus, the simple idea of making himself so valuable - to someone so dangerous, at that - caused the man to shut down emotionally. When Killian shut down emotionally, everything came out as anger.

Julius's chest heaved, thoroughly exhausted to the point he couldn't be bothered to continue a physical fight. He was too exhausted to bother continuing his act. For good. He didn't have it in him anymore to keep going the way he had, lying to Killian just to hurt him with this facade of nothingness. He'd done it for so long and all for what? Only to murder the one person he'd ever felt something so real, so intense and so undeniably for. The only person who likely ever truly loved and cared for him - albeit in his messy way - and the only reason Julius could confidently say he knew what it felt like to love and care for another.

Sudden clarity washed over Julius. He didn't understand why he was so stubborn and insisted on pretending that he wasn't in love with Killian, given he had admitted it out loud to the blonde, on countless occasions. What was trying to take it back every single time even doing, other than sending both men in an unnecessary spiral of destruction? He was hurting them both, Julius knew it and he couldn't bear any more of the pain, all built up for so long. Rather than continue trying to hide a thing, Julius did something that shocked both men to their cores. He cried.

Julius cried and it shattered Killian in a way neither could have predicted possible, but they were both crying now. Still locked in a stare-down and on the floor in their position from fighting, both men were uncontrollably sobbing as all the barriers held for so long crashed down at once.

Things didn't need to be spoken aloud to be understood. Julius and Killian always had an uncanny way of communicating with each other through nonverbal means, but there was no way to misinterpret the significance of finally letting themselves be utterly vulnerable in their feelings. They both held deep pain, caused by a vicious competition of who could hurt who worse. Neither of them had ever let the other catch a glimpse of the harm that was inflicted, at least not emotionally.

Both had been boys from broken homes that grew into broken men, never truly having been shown compassion in their formative years. Regardless of how toxic even the earliest years of their friendship had been, Julius and Killian always had each other. Attached at the hip since they'd met two decades ago as small children, and only now did they completely emotionally break down, in front of each other; together. They hurt because they'd been hurting each other.

Killian softly cupped Julius's cheeks with both hands, wiping tears away gently with his thumbs. In response, Julius lifted his badly shaking hands to Killian's face as well, copying the action. For some time, the two stayed like that, without a word. Simply being open in their pain while comforting the other, as opposed to relishing in it. Mutual trust was still there, stronger than either man had thought, maybe stronger than it ever had been. Julius and Killian had been through everything together and somehow, even after all they'd done to hurt each other, they were only more in love.

Neither Julius nor Killian wanted to continue the abuse towards each other. They didn't have it in themselves to willfully further inflict pain now that they were sharing the extent they'd damaged the other – and themselves – by doing the things that had been done. The past could never be changed, however, the future was in their control. It would take time and a lot of learning with patience, but both men were determined to improve their relationship. Learn to treat each other right. The stubbornness they both had could be used for good.

Killian spoke through tears, with a small but real smile forming on his face, "we have an unbreakable bond, not even death could separate us."

Sucking in a sharp breath and attempting to glare, Julius choked out, through a sob, a very unconvincing, "I hate you!" The expression of guilt along with the tears streaming down his cheeks made it painfully clear how upset Julius was with himself for being unable to speak what he meant.

Bad at dealing with his own emotions, Killian understood that Julius's feelings also often came out in anger. However, rage didn't get the better of the blonde this time. Instead, quite the opposite. Without hesitation or even a thought, Killian pulled Julius into his arms, embracing him close and tight as he spoke, "I love you, too."

Killian didn't give the other man a chance to respond, the blonde crashed his lips against the others, capturing Julius in a slow, loving, and extremely passionate kiss. There was no hesitation on the purple-haired demon's part to throw his arms around the blonde and cling to him, melting against Killian's chest. Julius's lips eagerly moved against the other man's, content to follow Killian's lead.

For the first time, Julius didn't once attempt to challenge the blonde's dominance. Rather eagerly, Julius completely submitted which only became more clear as the kiss started to intensify and things began to heat up. Killian understood the significance of Julius giving him all the power and control. It was a display of the shorter man's absolute trust in Killian.

Words didn't need to be spoken by Julius for the blonde to understand their love always had been and always would be very much mutual.

Page 2:

I can't stop thinking about you, Killian...I realized some things during a moment of clarity. You were always perfect...perfect for me…and we were perfect for each other. Always.

When you confessed you'd fallen for me…I wasn't lying when I said "I love you, too."

I lied the next morning when I told you I'd only been pretending… if only I hadn't been such a fucking pathetic coward.

Page 3:

[Julius] "You really think I'm pretty?!"

[Killian] "Yeah."

You wouldn't think I'm pretty if you saw me now…I haven't taken care of myself since you've been gone.

You were my best friend… and we both know, deep down, we were so much more than that.

I can't live without you! We'll be together again…soon…I promise.

Read the sequal: Reunion

End.

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