Just brain vomit

The First Year prank war is pretty well known around the school, and everyone’s learned to stay away from anything that looks suspicious.

Gojo uses this to his advantage too; sometimes he’ll pull pranks on the first and even second years just to watch them blame each other. He’s even gone as far as pranking Principal Yaga hoping that he would blame the kids, but Yaga knows for a fact it’s Gojo. He hasn’t done anything about it though. This stresses Gojo.

Most of the time, when they eat out, each student pays for their meal. When Gojo’s there he pays for all four of them, and if Yuji tries to use the “I don’t have any money” excuse when Nobara decides to stop for a coffee, she’ll buy him one too. She holds it against him, though.

If his kids are all craving a certain type of food (i.e. Chinese) Gojo will head out and pick it up and they’ll all eat as a family.

Nobara proposed once a month they have a “spa” day. Surprisingly, the other two students agreed. She’s allowed to give them manicures and pedicures (so long as she doesn’t get carried away), trim and treat their hair, exfoliate their faces, and they help her re-dye her hair. Megumi is a good client, while Yuji gets bitched at a lot for squirming while getting his nails clipped and jerking when he gets his eyebrows plucked.

Yuji also proposed they have a movie night every Friday night. If they’re busy, they’ll move it to Saturday, or have it earlier in the day during the week. Sometimes the second years will join. Gojo is banned because he’s basically seen every movie and always spoils the end. Everyone got mad at Yuji’s request to use subtitles but gave up arguing with how loud Yuji chews.

They also have game nights, but they lost the pieces to most board games after Nobara threw them out the window, Megumi is the only one who knows how to play chess and Shogi, and Yuji fears the safety of his controllers after Megumi got dangerously close to beating Nobara in Smash. 

Yuji’s room is the main hangout joint because of the electronics he owns. Literally, there’s a whole ass common/living room for them to use. However, they go to Nobara’s room for a spa day, as long as the boys are gone by sundown.

Gojo knows damn good and well his kids don’t like each other in that way and would never have sex with each other, but he still feels the need to give them the talk ™. He’s literally given each child a free box of condoms just in case. 

Gojo bought each student customized “if lost, please return to Jujutsu Tech” shirts. Yuji doesn’t mind wearing his because it’s just another hoodie to him, and Nobara doesn’t mind hers because it’s a crop top and it’s cute. Megumi burned his in front of Gojo. 

Nobara takes the boys shopping a lot. Megumi is surprisingly good at picking out clothes that fit Nobara’s physique and taste, and Yuji is there to hype her up when she walks out of the dressing room. He also isn’t scared to tell her a dress doesn’t look good on her, and she respects that.

Sometimes even Sukuna will pop out and give commentary. He gives really mixed signals, sometimes he tells her how she’s not much to look at, sometimes he talks about the things he wants to do to that ass because of how good they look in those jeans. This results in Yuji getting slapped, Nobara yelling something like “Shut it, Fang Face!” And people staring at him funny because of it.

She also buys outfits for the boys and occasionally Gojo, because she’s tired of hoodies and black. She was just as shocked as the rest when Megumi walked out in his outfit. He only wore it to shut her up, though, and hasn’t worn it since.

No matter what they’re doing, Yuji is ALWAYS the DJ. He has playlists for almost every occasion (spa day, sparring practice, car rides, game nights, even the times they just chill in the same room on their phones) and the only person that really complains is Sukuna, but only because he hates the Backstreet Boys.

Yuji bursts out in song a lot. No matter what he’s doing, he’ll just start singing. If they know it, Nobara and Gojo will join in too. Always ends in a giggle fit.

Sometimes Gojo’s hand slips and boom! He has 18 dozen cookies instead of 4. He’s been known to wrap the cookies up in nice tins and packages and leave them outside the kid’s doors.

Gojo has also been known to cook meals for the kids and drop them off. This helps because Megumi is basically the only one who can actually cook. Yuji thinks instant ramen is okay for every meal, and Nobara burns food in a way it’s still edible but you don’t really want it.

The kids play wrestle, a lot. Yuji was scared to at first because the only one who really wants to fight is Nobara, but he learned quickly she can both take and deliver a punch just fine. She also isn’t one of those girls that gets upset if there’s an accidental grope, which is cool.

This is how the others discovered Megumi is ticklish. Yuji probably still has the scar and Nobara doesn’t dare try to tickle him again.

Yuji fell asleep once and woke up to Sukuna’s mouth on his cheek having a full-blown conversation with Nobara while she was reading a magazine. He swears they were gossiping about boys, but as soon as Yuji was awake enough to pay attention, Sukuna noticed and started bullying him. To this day Nobara still thinks she was talking to Yuji the whole time because she never noticed he fell asleep.

Yuji can fall asleep almost anywhere. Nobara draws on his face a lot. He’s spent countless nights on Megumi’s floor just because he’s too lazy to move literally one room over.

Nobara has a habit of walking into the boys’ rooms without knocking. Megumi is usually laying in bed on his phone or sitting at his desk, however, she’s walked into Yuji doing some weird shit. Not gross shit, just… Concerning shit.

Once she walked in on him crying and didn’t know what to do. She just kinda walked in and sat down with him until he stopped, occasionally rubbing his back. They didn’t say a word until Yuji made a joke and Nobara continued with why she even came into his room, to begin with.

The three students are surprisingly supportive of each other like that, it’s just kinda awkward and passive-aggressive at times. Sometimes they even confide in Gojo, and he takes it seriously, surprisingly.

Gojo has a Tik Tok account. He participates in every challenge, every dance, every trend, and apparently has a huge following. Yuji gets featured in the videos sometimes when he isn’t recording, and he’s mostly doing the stupid shit Gojo does, like doing backflips on building ledges.

While Tik Tok is Gojo’s forte Yuji has done video game commentary on twitch and yt live. Megumi is quite popular on subreddits about urban legends and related folklore, and Nobara helps maintain blogs about current events, but… It’s mostly celebrity gossip and new music.

Every Saturday is chore day and no one’s allowed to do leisurely activities or leave until they’re done. Rooms and hallways have to be vacuumed, swept, mopped, whatever. Gojo checks that the rooms aren’t dirty. He doesn’t mind clutter, he just hates wrappers and shit being left around. He especially pays attention to the cleanliness of the bathrooms for some reason. Megumi is good about cleaning his room throughout the week, Nobara usually just has clutter on her nightstand and dresser, and Yuji waits until the last minute to clean.

The first years used to do their laundry separately, but Nobara threw a temper tantrum when she witnessed Yuji just throw all of his clothes in the washer at once and simply turn it on. Now normally, she wouldn’t help anyone get out of work, but she also likes things being done the right her way, so she does his laundry for him. Megumi got involved somehow and now they throw all of their clothes in the same basket and divide them by darks, colors, whites, and delicates. She refuses to let any of their overly- soiled clothes touch hers, so those usually get their own wash too. Each student folds and puts away their own clothes. 

Most arguments end with rock paper scissors. Pinkie promises are also sacred.

Gojo keeps a sticker board in the classroom. Whenever the kids do something good, they get a star. Whenever they do something bad, one gets taken away. When they get to five stickers they get a prize from the treasure box.

No one has gotten to five stars yet. This is good because there is no treasure box. Gojo is bullshitting everyone.

Yuji likes to steal Megumi’s stickers because he thinks Megumi will not notice. He does every time.

Gojo has a stool in the corner of the classroom complete with a horribly cliche dunce cap he calls “the Naughty Corner” for when the kids “act up”. Nobara ends up there because she’s always on her phone, Megumi mouths off a lot and has days where he doesn’t feel like doing work, and poor Yuji ends up in the naughty corner because Sukuna can’t behave.

The First Year prank war is pretty well known around the school, and everyone’s learned to stay away from anything that looks suspicious.

Gojo uses this to his advantage too; sometimes he’ll pull pranks on the first and even second years just to watch them blame each other. He’s even gone as far as pranking Principal Yaga hoping that he would blame the kids, but Yaga knows for a fact it’s Gojo. He hasn’t done anything about it though. This stresses Gojo.

Most of the time, when they eat out, each student pays for their meal. When Gojo’s there he pays for all four of them, and if Yuji tries to use the “I don’t have any money” excuse when Nobara decides to stop for a coffee, she’ll buy him one too. She holds it against him, though.

If his kids are all craving a certain type of food (i.e. Chinese) Gojo will head out and pick it up and they’ll all eat as a family.

Nobara proposed once a month they have a “spa” day. Surprisingly, the other two students agreed. She’s allowed to give them manicures and pedicures (so long as she doesn’t get carried away), trim and treat their hair, exfoliate their faces, and they help her re-dye her hair. Megumi is a good client, while Yuji gets bitched at a lot for squirming while getting his nails clipped and jerking when he gets his eyebrows plucked.

Yuji also proposed they have a movie night every Friday night. If they’re busy, they’ll move it to Saturday, or have it earlier in the day during the week. Sometimes the second years will join. Gojo is banned because he’s basically seen every movie and always spoils the end. Everyone got mad at Yuji’s request to use subtitles but gave up arguing with how loud Yuji chews.

They also have game nights, but they lost the pieces to most board games after Nobara threw them out the window, Megumi is the only one who knows how to play chess and Shogi, and Yuji fears the safety of his controllers after Megumi got dangerously close to beating Nobara in Smash. 

Yuji’s room is the main hangout joint because of the electronics he owns. Literally, there’s a whole ass common/living room for them to use. However, they go to Nobara’s room for a spa day, as long as the boys are gone by sundown.

Gojo knows damn good and well his kids don’t like each other in that way and would never have sex with each other, but he still feels the need to give them the talk ™. He’s literally given each child a free box of condoms just in case. 

Gojo bought each student customized “if lost, please return to Jujutsu Tech” shirts. Yuji doesn’t mind wearing his because it’s just another hoodie to him, and Nobara doesn’t mind hers because it’s a crop top and it’s cute. Megumi burned his in front of Gojo. 

Nobara takes the boys shopping a lot. Megumi is surprisingly good at picking out clothes that fit Nobara’s physique and taste, and Yuji is there to hype her up when she walks out of the dressing room. He also isn’t scared to tell her a dress doesn’t look good on her, and she respects that.

Sometimes even Sukuna will pop out and give commentary. He gives really mixed signals, sometimes he tells her how she’s not much to look at, sometimes he talks about the things he wants to do to that ass because of how good they look in those jeans. This results in Yuji getting slapped, Nobara yelling something like “Shut it, Fang Face!” And people staring at him funny because of it.

She also buys outfits for the boys and occasionally Gojo, because she’s tired of hoodies and black. She was just as shocked as the rest when Megumi walked out in his outfit. He only wore it to shut her up, though, and hasn’t worn it since.

No matter what they’re doing, Yuji is ALWAYS the DJ. He has playlists for almost every occasion (spa day, sparring practice, car rides, game nights, even the times they just chill in the same room on their phones) and the only person that really complains is Sukuna, but only because he hates the Backstreet Boys.

Yuji bursts out in song a lot. No matter what he’s doing, he’ll just start singing. If they know it, Nobara and Gojo will join in too. Always ends in a giggle fit.

Sometimes Gojo’s hand slips and boom! He has 18 dozen cookies instead of 4. He’s been known to wrap the cookies up in nice tins and packages and leave them outside the kid’s doors.

Gojo has also been known to cook meals for the kids and drop them off. This helps because Megumi is basically the only one who can actually cook. Yuji thinks instant ramen is okay for every meal, and Nobara burns food in a way it’s still edible but you don’t really want it.

The kids play wrestle, a lot. Yuji was scared to at first because the only one who really wants to fight is Nobara, but he learned quickly she can both take and deliver a punch just fine. She also isn’t one of those girls that gets upset if there’s an accidental grope, which is cool.

This is how the others discovered Megumi is ticklish. Yuji probably still has the scar and Nobara doesn’t dare try to tickle him again.

Yuji fell asleep once and woke up to Sukuna’s mouth on his cheek having a full-blown conversation with Nobara while she was reading a magazine. He swears they were gossiping about boys, but as soon as Yuji was awake enough to pay attention, Sukuna noticed and started bullying him. To this day Nobara still thinks she was talking to Yuji the whole time because she never noticed he fell asleep.

Yuji can fall asleep almost anywhere. Nobara draws on his face a lot. He’s spent countless nights on Megumi’s floor just because he’s too lazy to move literally one room over.

Nobara has a habit of walking into the boys’ rooms without knocking. Megumi is usually laying in bed on his phone or sitting at his desk, however, she’s walked into Yuji doing some weird shit. Not gross shit, just… Concerning shit.

Once she walked in on him crying and didn’t know what to do. She just kinda walked in and sat down with him until he stopped, occasionally rubbing his back. They didn’t say a word until Yuji made a joke and Nobara continued with why she even came into his room, to begin with.

The three students are surprisingly supportive of each other like that, it’s just kinda awkward and passive-aggressive at times. Sometimes they even confide in Gojo, and he takes it seriously, surprisingly.

Gojo has a Tik Tok account. He participates in every challenge, every dance, every trend, and apparently has a huge following. Yuji gets featured in the videos sometimes when he isn’t recording, and he’s mostly doing the stupid shit Gojo does, like doing backflips on building ledges.

While Tik Tok is Gojo’s forte Yuji has done video game commentary on twitch and yt live. Megumi is quite popular on subreddits about urban legends and related folklore, and Nobara helps maintain blogs about current events, but… It’s mostly celebrity gossip and new music.

Every Saturday is chore day and no one’s allowed to do leisurely activities or leave until they’re done. Rooms and hallways have to be vacuumed, swept, mopped, whatever. Gojo checks that the rooms aren’t dirty. He doesn’t mind clutter, he just hates wrappers and shit being left around. He especially pays attention to the cleanliness of the bathrooms for some reason. Megumi is good about cleaning his room throughout the week, Nobara usually just has clutter on her nightstand and dresser, and Yuji waits until the last minute to clean.

The first years used to do their laundry separately, but Nobara threw a temper tantrum when she witnessed Yuji just throw all of his clothes in the washer at once and simply turn it on. Now normally, she wouldn’t help anyone get out of work, but she also likes things being done the right her way, so she does his laundry for him. Megumi got involved somehow and now they throw all of their clothes in the same basket and divide them by darks, colors, whites, and delicates. She refuses to let any of their overly- soiled clothes touch hers, so those usually get their own wash too. Each student folds and puts away their own clothes. 

Most arguments end with rock paper scissors. Pinkie promises are also sacred.

Gojo keeps a sticker board in the classroom. Whenever the kids do something good, they get a star. Whenever they do something bad, one gets taken away. When they get to five stickers they get a prize from the treasure box.

No one has gotten to five stars yet. This is good because there is no treasure box. Gojo is bullshitting everyone.

Yuji likes to steal Megumi’s stickers because he thinks Megumi will not notice. He does every time.

Gojo has a stool in the corner of the classroom complete with a horribly cliche dunce cap he calls “the Naughty Corner” for when the kids “act up”. Nobara ends up there because she’s always on her phone, Megumi mouths off a lot and has days where he doesn’t feel like doing work, and poor Yuji ends up in the naughty corner because Sukuna can’t behave.

The only people who are allowed to dress up at these things are the scare actors, but that didn’t stop Nobara from spooping everyone up a tad. Megumi was given fake vampire teeth, much to his disliking, with that weird fake candy blood dabbed on his lips. His S/O was given nothing more than two bloody dots on their neck, resembling bite marks. Nobara was supportive like that.

Megumi couldn’t stop staring at his s/o’s neck the entire time. He loved everything about them, but their neck was God tier. The candy blood was strawberry and he knew it would taste twice as sweet if he licked it off of their neck-

But PDA isn’t really his thing. The others know about their relationship, but they rarely show it around them.

Alas, they have arrived.

It looks surprisingly well put together despite being a pop-up thing. Idk how to describe a haunted house so please, let your imagination run rampant.

Megumi buys two tickets. It’s obvious who they’re for. Yuji rlly gets offended. It’s a mess. Yuji loves all of his friends, but ever since Megumi and his s/o started dating he hasn’t been getting enough attention and this displeases him.

Nobara, Yuji, and s/o are chatting happily while waiting in line to get in. Megumi hangs back slightly, scrolling through his phone while they chat away. This is a common occurrence. Those three drag Megumi around to a lot of places he doesn’t want to go to. As compensation, he kinda just does whatever he wants. His partner understands.

The haunted house allows two people in at a time so Nobara and Yuji opt to go in ahead of the couple. After yelling at the person directing them not to lose her fucking hammer (she rlly thought weapons were allowed in the haunted house), Nobara marched in with Yuji in tow.

This was the moment Megumi was waiting for, really. Pda around total strangers in the dark was so much better than around his classmates. It’s not like they even teased him or anything, it just felt weird.

He slips his phone in his back pocket and grabs his s/o’s hand, intertwining their fingers.

But?? They jump??? And their hands are kinda clammy??? 

“Hey, sweetie? Are you okay?”

Megumi is seriously debating turning around and leaving the other classmates behind; is his baby sick??? Is something wrong??? He’ll hurt someone-

But they have such a big happy smile on their face. They explain that they’re super stoked for their turn to arrive and it’s just nerves from the anticipation.

This confuses Megumi. His s/o faces grotesque monsters every day. What makes this special? Are they really scared? What the fu-

Oh hey, it’s their turn now.

The first couple of scares were nothing but cheap jumpscares. Megumi was more caught off guard by the fact his s/o was caught so off guard by it and actually screamed. He instinctively went to pull them to safety, but they laughed. They giggled as they grabbed onto his arm. Megumi froze for a split second before turning the brightest shade of red.

Maybe this was why he didn’t do PDA

They ventured onward

Sometime later there’s this scare actress dressed up like a doll sitting in the middle of a corridor

It’s pretty straightforward; Megumi watched two couples walk by while the doll pretended to grab their ankles. By the way, where’s Nobara and Yuji? He knows for a fact if they came this way Nobara would have kicked the shit out of her-

S/o hides behind Megumi while clinging to his hoodie and it’s SO CUTE he almost forgets he has to move toward the creepy doll woman.

They move forward.

The doll, naturally, doesn’t frighten Megumi at all, but what happens next does

There’s a scream, followed by an “Ow! Hey! Let go!”. Fingernails are digging into his back and not in a good way.

S/o almost fell over because the doll lady has their ankle in both hands and is holding it above the ground. S/o is obviously pulling as hard as they can to get their leg back. They aren’t smiling anymore. Those are tears from fear, not laughter.

Megumi kinda loses it for a minute

“Get the fuck off of them, freak” His very large foot connects with her very tiny jaw. She flies backward.

“Hey! What the fuck bro? I’m trying to tie her shoe!" 

Oh dear, their shoe really is untied

"Run.”

“What?”

“R U N”

There is now a woman, who actually is kinda doll-sized, dressed in a frilly blue dress with a matching bonnet chasing the young lovers through the haunted house. It’s a riot.

Doll lady has anger issues so this is common. A hefty butcher man just kinda wraps his arm around her middle and carries her off.

But Megumi and his s/o don’t know that, so they keep running until they make it out.

S/o rlly did manage to get out without tripping until the vERY last minute, y'know, for plot reasons

Megumi catches them bc he’s a strong boy ™

He runs his fingers through their hair and tries to get a good read of their face. “Are you alright babe? They didn’t hurt you, right?”

S/o bursts out in… Laughter. They double over laughing, with Megumi’s strong arms around them to support them.

“You should have seen the look on that loli bitch’s face omgggg Meguminnnn”

Megumi can’t help but burst out laughing too. This night has been so surreal for him. This is so out of the ordinary for him, he didn’t even want to be here. He hasn’t attacked a civilian since middle school. What even is this-

And he did it all for them

He cups his lover’s face in both hands and pulls them in. He kisses them roughly. He doesn’t give a shit who’s watching. The teeth get in the way but neither of them cares. Megumi was right, the blood really is strawberry flavored, and they love it.

There’s a wolf whistle. Catcall? What are they even called?

Its fucking Sukuna, guys

Nobara and Yuji were there the whole time, just outside the exit, waiting for them

Yuji is busy slapping each of Sukuna’s mouths as they pop up because he’s making some very naughty remarks. Nobara is squealing because finally, her ship is sailing. Well, she means, it’s been sailed, but still.

Megumi is officially the brightest shade of red you have ever seen. His lover is giggling again.

Fushiguro Megumi will never live down the night he kicked a midget doll in the face and made out with the love of his life in public, and despite protests, he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

He doesn’t have a recipe. He doesn’t have the utensils. He doesn’t even have the ingredients after choosing the first chocolate chip cookie recipe on Google.

Sadly this turns into a shopping trip. In the rain.

Okay, so the mixing begins. 

Oh, God. There’s flour everywhere. 

“Okay, what do we add next?” “Uhhh lemme wipe my phone off first” - you decide who says what line

When you aren’t looking he keeps stealing bites of dough. Didn’t realize it tasted so bad in its unmixed form.

Yuji is surprisingly good at following directions. You think. 

“This is… A lot of dough. How much is this supposed to make?… WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU TRIPLED THE RECIPE”

While Yuji was too busy being proud he knew what “yield” meant, he forgot something important. He didn’t read the “dozen” part.

“Yea I guess it is kinda weird a recipe would only make three cookies”

You now have to successfully bake 9 dozen cookies. That’s 108 cookies if you didn’t know

“We could just eat the-” “no" 

He eats a good amount of dough anyway when you aren’t looking. 

Cut to him throwing up in the bathroom while you have your hands on your hips in the doorway.

Okay, he doesn’t want the dough anymore.

What was supposed to be about an hour of fun went on all afternoon and well into the night 

FINALLY, the last sheet gets taken out of the oven. They’re all placed on cooling racks. You and Yuji simultaneously collapse onto the bed.

Gojo decided to come to check on you two sometime after nine. You guys used his mixer, therefore, he deserves some of the profit

Every flat surface of the dorm is covered in cookies on cooling racks. The dorm reeks of vanilla and heat. His two favorite students are literally laying on top of each other snoring away. Yuji isn’t even all the way on the bed.

Gojo backs out of the room slowly. This scenario is the winner of the Not My Fucking Problem™ award

He does steal a cookie on the way out though. Not bad for being mass-produced by two teenagers. 

Each student is given a dozen cookies and the rest are given to Gojo the next day. You and Yuji never want to see a cookie again. 

Yuji has the audacity to ask “Same time next week?”

He was almost single that day

This tall man child would march up to the board and absolutely fill it to the brim with work, turn around, drop the chalk-like a mic drop and walk back to his desk with the smuggest look on his face.

That doesn’t mean he did the work tho

Idk how schools in japan work but we all know schools in America only care about the amount of work you do and not what you actually know so we’ll use that for the sake of the headcanon: he had straight D’s bc he never turned in his work

Despite not doing the work snd goofing off, teachers actually really liked him

A lot of people liked him and he was super popular, but he still felt alone

Fake friends, you know how that works, he didn’t meet any real friends until he became a shaman

Clean freak. This dude actually makes his bed. He scrubs his bathroom twice a week. His desk can get cluttered but he straightens up once a week. He’s not exactly a germaphobe because

He cannot respect your personal space and that’s actually canon but let me take it a step further 

He’s a slapper. Especially when he laughs. It doesn’t hurt, it’s playful dw. He hugs you from behind especially when he’s cold. He picks you up and carries you around. He will grab your wrist, arm, or hand and lead you around even if you’re following him. He lays his legs across you or lays across your lap. Puts his head on your shoulder. Platonic cuddling between friends is mandatory. He’s just so hands-on it’s ridiculous.

Unless you explicitly tell him you’re uncomfortable he won’t stop

Don’t worry, if you aren’t in that type of relationship, your no-no square is safe. Except, if you seem chill, he will slap your ass regardless of friendship status. His ass is also slappable. You can’t tell me Geto and Gojo didn’t run around slapping each other asses, okay

He was weird and scrawny as a child. He didn’t start beefing out until he started training to be a shaman and he’s still kinda smaller than most beefy boys

He can pick you up and throw you around easily. He carried around a 170 pound Yuji like a sack of potatoes and can easily carry around three times that weight

It’s amazing he’s so tiny because you remember 2014 Shane Dawson making all of those wack ass desserts that was just s pile of chaos wrapped in chocolate?

He can eat every last bite of one of those monstrosities without getting a stomach ache, gaining weight, or dying basically

He knows bc Yuji dared him to do it

He has really cold hands and feet

He sounds old. Let me elaborate. He’s constantly cracking his joints. They also creak when he moves. He complains about body pains like he’s 80 y/o

He also shares wisdom with the kids as if he’s actually 80 y/o

It’s irrelevant advice that doesn’t make sense but is also useful. Megumi can’t count the number of times he’s asked Gojo for feedback on his technique but had been told to remember to chew 40 times or never go to bed angry

Starts off sentences with “now son” and “when I was your age”

He uses his blindfold as a headband when he wants his hair out of his face. He also uses headbands as… Headbands… When he wants to wear sunglasses but get his hair out of his face

He owns so many pairs of sunglasses but he always wears the same pair

He’s only bought a handful of them himself, most of them are gifts

No one knows what to get him for Christmas or his birthday bc he has everything, so they resort to sunglasses

His favorite pair is a pair that Shoko and Geto bought him as a gag. He thought they were dead serious, though, so he wore them around for a month

They were heart-shaped, rose-tinted glasses

Can you believe this man doesn’t use any gel or anything to keep his hair spiky with the blindfold on? It just naturally defies gravity when the blindfold is on

Tell this man he’s pretty because he already knows. He’s narcissistic but not the cringy kind

Photogenic as hell. Takes great pictures from any angle. 

He gives everyone a different story as to why he covers his eyes. Sometimes he says it’s because his eyes are too pretty and are a distraction. Sometimes he says it’s because the sunglasses/bandages/blindfold look cooler than his eyes. Sometimes he says it’s to protect the six eyes from seeing things he doesn’t want to see. The world may never know

He’s tried covering his whole face before, but he thinks he’s too pretty for that. He at least wants one of his many amazing features to be shown at all times.

So about his driver’s license;

He knows how to drive. He can be a good driver. When he wants to be. He just doesn’t have a driver’s license.

Now he TELLS people he just never got around to getting one, however, there’s a rumor he lost it due to too many parking tickets

It’s amazing the only tickets he’s ever gotten have been from that and once he got caught without a seatbelt; he would have gotten out of that one if he hadn’t been flirting with the police officer so bad

This doesn’t stop Gojo from driving places though

He steals Ijichi’s car a LOT and Ijichi DOESN’T KNOW HOW like??? The windows are never broken and it doesn’t look hotwired-

Gojo has a key

You’re not even supposed to be able to duplicate car keys but Gojo did 

Also; none of the first-year trio knows he doesn’t have a driver’s license, though that much should be painfully obvious

He whips around corners, speeds up at yellow lights, goes “watch this” and does a donut, it’s just a mess

The poor students have to sit in the backseat too. Just imagine Megumi with all three seatbelts around him like that one meme.

He thrives off of Nobara and Yuji screaming from the backseat, and he can see Megumi being smooshed because he thought the middle seat was the safest through the rearview mirror

Which he doesn’t even need because of the six eyes

Despite being such a reckless driver, he knows when danger will happen, so he’s never once gotten in a wreck

He blasts the radio, which makes up for the driving.

Has a habit of getting in a car and ending up in the McDonalds drive-thru

Steals other people’s fries and keeps the fullest one for himself.

He was rebellious as a kid and teenager, but hey, at least his juvie record is sealed 

He’s been detained and in the back of a cop car many times, but the reason was never really bad enough for him to be arrested. Mostly he’s just being mouthy. And the time he got caught spray painting on the side of a building. And that one time he and Getou hopped the fence to get into the local pool. And that other time-

It got worse after Getou wasn’t around to get him out of trouble. Suddenly, breaking the rules wasn’t fun anymore and he mellowed out. 

Tried alcohol and cigarettes before he was legal. Decided neither was his thing, however, he did start drinking occasionally when he was legal.

He’s a fucking chaotic drunk. Oh my god he’s absolutely feral

Most bars in the vicinity know him by name and they sigh whenever he walks in

Shoko is his emergency contact. She hates it

Shoko has to drag drunk Gojo home at least twice a month and is not happy about it

Once she left him in an alley. He made it home okay so she guesses it’s fine

Once he got so drunk he spilled beer on his sock. The thought the fastest way to dry them was by sticking them in the microwave. Forgot about it until someone asked, “Who the fuck is cooking socks???”

I feel it important he was in the break room of the local grocery store and no one knows how he got there

As he was escorted out he stole a grocery cart and rode away in it while singing Don’t Threaten Me (With A Good Time) by Panic! At The Disco

He has no alcohol tolerance at all what so ever

He will literally just stare at you and giggle

It’s funny he’s really flirty but also doesn’t seal the deal. Literally, every woman in that bar is willing to get in his bed but he declines every offer. No one knows why

Its because he respects women

He helps his students break the rules as long as they’re within reason. Once night Yuji was really hungry and after having a temper tantrum he couldn’t order Uber eats bc the school is supposed to be secret Gojo helped sneak him out to get food. Who needs curfew anyway.

The shirts in his closet range from like twenty bucks to the iconic rich bitch shirt the kids ruined in that one chapter we all know the one 

He still wears that by the way, he calls it “art" 

When he was younger, Megumi drew a picture of Gojo being eaten by his shadow dogs. Gojo found it and now it’s framed in his room.

He keeps up with current trends and memes like no one’s business. This is how he bonds with his kids.

Don’t call him old, but also, he’ll tell you to respect your elders it’s a mess

He has a lot of games on his phone. You can usually find him holding his phone sideways playing some RPG game he probably spent too much money on 

He did hop on the Pokemon Go hype train but after becoming overpowered he got bored

This happens to a lot of games. He pays way too much money, gets to be the strongest in the server, and gets bored

He likes games where you can kill other people’s troops and likes to watch as they lose all their power

I canon him as being borderline sadistic

This is why he’s Sakata Gintoki reincarnated

White hair, sweet tooth, black leather clothes, dad vibes, never takes anything seriously bc when he does he’s scary as fuck, the works.

He is Sakata Gintoki

He liked Gintama growing up. He watched a lot of iconic shows as they aired. He considers himself an og

He’s hella bilingual

Because he’s the strongest he goes overseas for missions a lot. Because of this he speaks a lot of languages and knows a lot about international cuisine 

He takes pictures of himself eating disgusting foods like snails. He never likes them but he loves the idea of Nobara gagging back in japan

Has paperwork sitting untouched on his desk from three months ago that he will not touch for at least another three months

Does the crossword puzzles in the newspaper every week

Uses humor as a coping mechanism and it honestly just became a personality

Constantly popping his joints. I’m sorry if you find this gross I too find it gross.

Probably brought home every stray animal he ever met ever until he was at least like 22 y/o

Well he did, but only about work and missions and stuff

Does this kid talk to anyone about anything that isn’t curse related?

You seemed to gravitate towards Yuji anyway because honestly, he’s the embodiment of happy he’s just a cool dude

You didn’t really catch his eye until he overheard you talking with Nobara about how upset you were with Gojo

He never passes an opportunity to be angry at Gojo. He was intrigued.

Apparently, Gojo had taken the liberty of designing your uniform for you, just like he did Yuji, but he fucked up the measurements

Big time

You seemed to be fond of baggier clothes because it “hid” your tummy and thighs

Nobara was supportive but struggling. She knew how to hem clothes to make them tighter, or shorter, not looser. She really was trying.

Yuji got involved because he saw you were stressed while Nobara tugged here and snipped there and nothing seemed to be working. Yuji learned that making silly faces and doing Fortnite dances doesn’t help teenagers going through a body image crisis.

Megumi looked at the chaos and spoke before he really even knew what he was saying 

“Does it feel too tight? Does it restrict your movements, like in a fight or something?”

This kinda caught you off guard, but you shook your head. No, the material was naturally flexible and breathable, and the reason you couldn’t breathe wasn’t that the uniform top was too tight, it was because you felt you looked terrible

Megumi just shrugged. “Then you shouldn’t worry about it. You fill it out nicely. It looks better than us, in our baggy uniforms.”

Where the fuck did that come from Megs?

He felt the need to excuse himself with a polite bow and leave in his typical cool Megumi way even though his heart was beating faster than anything

He didn’t see the way your face lit up, both with excitement and blush. Nobara did and caught on instantly, while Yuji just assumed you were hot and started fanning you with his notebook

Megumi didn’t avoid you after this, but he did tend to freeze when your conversations strayed away from typical shaman things

He wasn’t trying to, he was just constantly lost in thought

Why did he say that? Well, he means, it was obvious he said it because it was true- that uniform clings to your body in a way it wouldn’t fit anyone else. Its kinda hot

Megumi Fushiguro this is your classmate stop having those thoughts

Maybe he wasn’t just trying to cheer you up. Maybe there are some things he hasn’t discovered about himself. He actually really never had a crush on anyone. Is that was this is? Feelings?

Ew. But keep going.

Megumi noticed things over the next couple of things that were unsettling to him. You used self-deprecating humor. A lot. Always poking fun at yourself. He didn’t mind it at first because, well, you laughed about it, but still. It’s like you thought you really looked like the Michelin Tire Man.

He never knew what to do in these situations. Should he laugh? It seemed to bring you joy. But he didn’t think you looked bad at all.

He also noticed you didn’t eat much. And when you did you avoided sweets and grease. Megs was known for being the only one that ate healthy in the group, but even he didn’t have salad all the time. You acted like you were embarrassed to eat in front of people, so you chose the tiniest meal.

This worried him a lot. At first, he bored you with the importance of eating three well thought out and balanced meals with the proper amount of proteins and calories and shit. But that seemed to ruin your appetite more, so he stopped.

He started sliding part of his meals onto your plate. He considered it a success when you would eat it.

The last thing Megs noticed was that you pushed yourself to the absolute limit during sparring practice and he hated it

See, you actually didn’t need to be physically strong. Yes, it helps in battle, but your particular cursed technique kinda made up for being average strength. If no one could get close to you, and you can’t get close to them, then you don’t really need to deliver a punch, right? 

But you would just keep at it oh my god

One hundred push-ups. One hundred sit-ups. One hundred squats. Every day. He was worried you were gonna go bald at this point

He’d still love you but still, spontaneously losing your hair because of rigorous training as not good

You’d fight with one of them until you were pink and dripping with sweat. It was obvious you were breathing heavily and, honestly, it’s been two hours. Even Yuji was getting tired, but you wouldn’t stop.

Megumi found himself doing something he thought he never would. Ever.

He invaded your privacy, of course. 

“Shoko-sensei, Gojo-sensei asked for a copy of (l/n)-kun’s physical and related medical records”

At first, he just wanted to see if you were anemic. You don’t really show any symptoms, but also, you don’t eat a lot. All this exercising can’t be good if you are. Then his thoughts strayed to “oh god …. What if they have heart problems? Lung problems? They shouldn’t push themselves so hard if they do. What if they avoid certain foods because of a stomach issue? What if-”

You’re healthy. Just as he initially thought.

Megumi was baffled, to be honest. 

He can get avoiding certain foods if they hurt your tummy. But what if you were just afraid of being made fun of because of stupid cliches?

He can get casual exercise if it was important you lose weight so you don’t get sick. But what if it was because you really hated how you looked?

This hurt Megumi. He threw his copy of the reports in the shredder and went on his way

He wondered around, lost in his thoughts until he spotted you just outside of the girls’ dorms doing something

He could have sworn you were fresh out of the shower but somehow still exercising

Yoga? Maybe? He couldn’t tell and he didn’t care

You were wearing the cutest set of pajamas, and your hair was still damp

And when you raised your arms up your shirt rose and he could see the tummy in question, complete with stretch marks and whatever other blemishes resided there (scars, freckles, etc.)

He did the most ooc thing I’ve ever made this lil fucker do

He runs up, gets on his knees, and kisses the tummy

All over the tummy

Just as he thought. Warm and soft. Both the skin and the texture are soooo soft-

As you turn into a flustered mess, “Fushiguro-san what the fuck”, he throws his arms around your knees and throws his over his shoulder

“You aren’t that heavy if I can do this… (Y/N)-chan”

Oh god the way your first name rolls off his tongue

Well, as long as he’s near the girls’ dorms, he might as well let himself in-

As you flail and giggle, trying to break away, he sees your thighs jiggle out of the corner of his eye

This sets something off in him he doesn’t understand, but also, who the fuck cares

It isn’t hard to find your room and he allows himself in, still pardoning himself for the intrusion, and he sets you down on your bed

Still doesn’t give you a chance to speak as he wraps his arms around you and nuzzles his face in your stomach

“Warmmm…~”

He’s never cuddled anyone ever, but he already knows this is ten times better than cuddling someone who’s built like a wall

Squish > muscles

“You know you’re beautiful right?”

This makes you blush, but you reluctantly bring your fingers through his hair. “You think so?”

Megumi furrows his brows and looks up at you. “You don’t?”

Megumi stays with you all night. You two stay up until three am talking about insecurities, everything you admire about each other, and Megumi practically worships your body through words and praise

He decides he’s going to help you feel more confident about your body and your looks

All while loving every inch of your body

The next morning was a mess though because he had to somehow sneak out of the girls’ dorms without anyone noticing

Gojo would be pissed if he found out

Had he not orchestrated this whole thing

Seriously, you honestly thought Gojo made mistakes? 

He hates seeing his precious students down themselves, and even though he only knew you for a couple of days back then, he knew this would be a problem

Precious little y/n, who is beautiful in every aspect but insecure about their looks, surrounded by muscle-bound idiots

He had to do something, how could he not

He knew one of them would enjoy your body

He knew it would be Megumi too, he sees how he looks at plus-sized girls-

Even he thought you were cute and was proud to have you as his child

All of his children are cuter than everyone else’s children

And now all is well

You became more confident in your body and eating in front of others, toned down the exercise, and Megumi became the most whipped boy in the school

So he picked up the nearest weapon, a Nerf gun that was loaded for some reason just inside the door, and went ham

He got Yuji dead square between the eyes several times

Yuji retaliated by pulling out a larger Nerf gun, that he keeps wedged between his bed and wall, and fired back

This started angrily but ended up being silly nonsense. When they ran out of Nerf bullets, they started throwing pillows and empty water bottles

Megumi, who sadly lives next door, gets pissed

He’s trying to watch a documentary on the Mothman why are you guys so fucking loUD

What do two teenage boys have to even scream and giggle about are the Jonas Brothers getting back together or smthn

He, too, bursts into Yuji’s room

He gets a pair of boxers to the face

Now, it’s important to mention they were clean because Yuji is just too lazy to put his laundry away

But Megumi didn’t know that

Megumi Fushiguro goes feral

Megumi happens to know that Yuji keeps Nerf guns hidden, not only around his room, but around the whole dorm

This is because Yuji genuinely believes Nerf guns will protect him during a zombie apocalypse

So Megumi pelts both Toge and Yuji with Nerf bullets because APPARENTLY summoning shadow dogs is too mean

Somehow this gets brought outside in the courtyard

Sukuna wakes up and is like “wtf is happening” and opens up his left eye to get a peak

Sukuna gets hit in the eye. Shit REALLY goes down.

Sukuna starts throwing the GUN at people because he has no idea how to work the damn thing

Rocks get thrown too it’s a mess

Nobara and Maki are brought out due to the commotion

Maki quickly understands what’s going on because something similar to this happened last year

….except it was summer and they were using water guns and everyone was having a good time. This seemed to be an outright brawl

So she decided to get the largest Super Soaker out of storage and fill'r up

Apparently, Sukuna hates water. He’s like a cat. Yuji comes back

The boys have to explain themselves because Maki is kinda scary armed with like five water pistols 

Maki thinks Toge is 100% in the right because, even though he’s the same age as her, he’s kinda her weird son

But Nobara thinks Toge needs to stop being a baby because Yuji is kinda her weird son too

Megumi takes Nobara’s side because he didn’t read the texts (he has the group on dnd) and thinks all of this was unprovoked 

Maki still yells at Yuji

Nobara yells at Maki

Nobara actually disarms Maki in what could be considered the sexiest way possible

It is now officially the First Years vs Second Years

Well, more so girl vs girl with the others playing support

Somehow no one has run out of ammo or water yet it’s crazy

Now you’re probably wondering where Panda gets involved with all of this

See Panda doesn’t normally get involved in scenarios like this

But he doesn’t mind contributing to the chaos SO

With his big meaty panda claws, he manages to fill almost a thousand water balloons

Don’t ask 1) how he managed 2) why he has so many water balloons and 3) how he did it in such a short amount of time

ALSO, it’s important to mention…

Toward the end Panda got bored

So about 200 are filled with water and glitter

About 50-100 are filled with shaving cream

And about 100 are filled with paint

He announces his presence by pushing a gigantic crate of water balloons into the middle of the courtyard 

Guns get chucked everywhere and now it’s water balloon time

It takes forever before they get to the glitter and paint balloons

Megumi gets the first glitter bomb

Megumi goes feral pt. 2

You’ll never guess who gets the first paint bomb

Remember that ridiculously expensive shirt the kids ruined with tea

Well Gojo still wears it, yea, but he wanted a plain white shirt so he bought a replacement

And he wore it home

Neon green, right to the stomach

It. Is. On.

Cursed techniques get involved

The only one at a disadvantage is Maki, who makes up for it with stealth, and Yuji, who makes up for it with speed

Megumi summons his bunnies to cause a distraction

Nobara is catching balloons mid-air with her nails and making them explode

Toge is making anyone he can catch freeze in place and slapping balloons in their face (he takes a liking to the shaving cream balloons because of this)

Gojo is throwing Red and Purple around like it’s nothing he isn’t even angry he’s just having fun

Shoko walks in on the scene

Shoko immediately walks out of the scene

Finally, Principal Yaga arrives on the scene

This is his “I’m not happy face” :|

This face signals danger and invokes the fear of god in the children

Even Gojo kowtows with the kids

The kids are forced to 1) throw away every single Nerf gun and bullet 2) scrub the walls with their own toothbrushes until all the paint and glitter is gone and 3) are all grounded for three months

Yuji no longer calls Toge an undignified twink.

uwu what’s this

Oh my gOD IT’S HIS WII

This thing is 12 y/o he hadn’t seen it in at least 6 does it even still work

Looks like the controllers and cords are here let’s plug it in

IT WORKS

Oh god it’s so old

Okay what games are there

Just Dance, Wii Sports, Mario Kart, Cooking Ma-

MARIO KART OH GOD THE NOSTALGIA

This was his absolute favorite game to play as a kid

Can you believe he’s never played it with anyone else?

He’s gotta get the gang here

He texts the group chat and proposes they have a game night

Surprisingly the students answer his text really quick; Gojo seems to be off doing who knows what

Megumi knocks and lets himself in. He’s only here because he has nothing better to do. That and if he had ignored the text all Yuji would do is bang on the wall or worse- come to his door

Nobara barges in as usual- why is she carrying so much stuff

Guess who just got free LED lights for their room to “set the mood?“ 

Uhhh Nobara why are you wearing a tracksuit it’s fucking Mario Kart

Oh she’s very serious about this

At least she brought snacks

You didn’t even read that Mario Kart was involved you just wanted to hang out with Yuji

Okay let’s get started Megumi wants to go home even if he is enjoying the bonding time

Nobara curls up in Yuji’s bed as if it’s her own; Megumi picks a comfy spot on the floor with his back against the bed; Yuji chooses his beanbag chair; you pick [Yuji’s lap, next to Megumi w/ your legs across his lap, cuddled up with Nobara]

While Yuji picks out the perfect playlist to play from his speakers, Nobara takes the liberty of going through the Wii.

She has to make herself a Mii it’s a rule

This takes like thirty minutes by itself

She edits Yuji’s Mii to look more like him (since he made it when he was about eight) and names it Himbo

She makes you a Mii while over-exaggerating your height (by making it very short or very tall) and names it Pookie

She makes Megumi a Mii real fast and names it Cranky BitchBoy

Yuji tells her to be nice

She changes it to Emo Sea Urchin

Good enough

After an hour passes, they’re finally ready to play

Except Yuji only put batteries in one controller and he has no batteries

They tear his room apart before finally stealing batteries from his headphones and remotes

Nobara waits until now to announce she can only race with the steering wheel

….and Megumi prefers the nunchuck to motion controls are you fucking-

Yuji tears the box apart and manages to find a fucking steering wheel and a fucking nunchuck

Okay, can we start now?

Mario Kart: Wii!! Wahoo!

Alright; should we play teams or-

“It’s bad enough I have to work with you guys in real life, no”

You and Nobara are on team red, the boys on team blue

She makes it very clear she’s going to make them eat her dust

She didn’t say it that way btw, that’s the most polite way of putting it

Yuji chooses Waluigi because he’s a meme and makes funny WAAAA noises

Megumi chooses Yoshi because he’s a medium character. Medium characters have a field advantage because smaller characters get bumped around while larger characters have drag. Also-

Nobara chooses Daisy because “Damn they made her so thicc”.

You choose [character]

Yuji is so eager to play he doesn’t care what kart he chooses

Megumi takes forever to decide between a kart or bike and finally chooses the Sneakster

Nobara chooses the Mach Bike bc of how it makes her character look

You choose [cart/bike]

You four argue over what course to do

So you end up taking turns choosing

Nobara pauses halfway through the first race because her character won’t fucking turn

Yuji insists it isn’t the controller so they trade for one round

Its the controller

Upon further inspection, it was deemed that it looked like the controller had been soaked in some sort of juice

It was the grape soda incident of 2010

Okay gotta get a new controller

Okay it’s fixed

Yuji forgot 1) he was player one and 2) he wasn’t Yoshi (his normal character) and spent two laps staring at the wrong screen

He still finished 11th. Nobara finished 7th, you finished 3rd and Megs finished 2nd

Yuji ended up catching up really fast until he started showing Nobara tips

See Nobara claimed she knew everything about the game

So Yuji showed her how to flick the remote when she jumped and how to hold the go button down when the countdown was at 2 

She rlly did leave him in the dust

Yuji and Nobara lean their whole bodies with the controller while Megumi sits completely still

Nobara gets way into this game I stg she screams and yells and kicks her feet I hate it

She tries to bump your and Yuji’s controllers to throw you off

“Noba-chan, I’m on your team”

“I don’t give a fUCK STOP BEATING ME”

“IM ON YOUR TEAM”

“AHHHHHHHH”

Slap fight ensues

At some point, Toge comes and knocks on the door because he can hear the screaming from all the way down the hall

“Are you guys…okay?” -Inumaki language

Nobara just complains, so he leaves

You and Megumi are so fucking good at this game

Nobara starts targeting you two with shells until she realizes you’re on her team and they don’t hurt you

“Truce?”

All you can do is sigh

At some point, Sukuna comes out 

He thinks he’s a sports commentator

He announces every little thing, like when someone falls or gets shelled

Which always makes Yuji look away from his screen

Sukuna proceeds to bully Yuji for running into walls, falling off, etc.

You laugh but quit when Yuji pouts

Nobara doesn’t stop laughing

Despite Yuji being an idiot and having to be carried by Megumi, blue team wins

Nobara throws her controller and screams some more

Yuji breaks out into hysterics for some reason

Megumi sighs. He gets ready to go home but-

“Sit down Fushiguro that was just a warm-up round”

Okay, fine, he’ll just beat her again

Nobara pulls you and Yuji to the side

“We gotta beat Fushiguro”

Yuji was bribed with food

No teams this time

“Let’s do Rainbow Ro-” “NO" 

Daisy’s Circuit it is 

"Hey Yuu-chan can I play a song”

“Sure name-chan”

“Hey Alexa play Move Bitch by Ludacris”

AHAHAHHAHAHA MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY

This is Nobara’s song. She is invincible with this song.

Maybe it really was a warm-up round, Nobara is doing much better this time

She’s in first place

It looks like Megumi is getting bored, he’s falling back, losing his lead

Now if his calculations are correct, when you’re in last place you’re more likely to get-

Bingo

“Kugisaki, do you love me?”

“What the fuck, are you going soft on me Fushigu- don’t you fucking dare”

“Goodbye Kugisaki”

“STOP STOP HOW DO I AVOID A BLUE SHELL ITADORI”

“YOU CAN’T YOU’RE FUCKED”

“FUCK FUCK FUCK”

Nobara doesn’t finish the race due to the fact she is throwing a temper tantrum. She throws her controller so hard she breaks the wheel, controller and puts a dent in the wall

He hides it with a poster btw

Megumi wins.

“Avenge me, name-chan”

“Noba-chan we have one last race we can still beat him”

Nobara is PUMPED

Oh my god when no was looking Megumi chose Rainbow Road

Okay pause

Whoever falls off the most is gonna be the person who fell of the least’s bitch for the week

Sinister laughing ensues

In conclusion: Yuji is now your bitch

Yujikuna gets bitchslapped for making dirty remarks

Nobara is the first to tap out due to lack of controller and ends up feeding you chips while you race

You tap out and end up snuggling with Nobara as the boys pull out another game that’s two player

You two fall asleep while watching them bicker over which way to go

Megumi pauses the game and the boys just end up scrolling through their phones and talking-

-Until Yuji falls asleep in the beanbag chair

Finally, Megumi can go back to his room…

…Except, you three are so cute

Its kinda like a sleepover

Y'know, he doesn’t hate you guys

He’s just really bad at emotions

Should he stay

Yuji does have another beanbag he can crash on

…He’ll just say he fell asleep going through Twitter or something

Goodnight… Friends