Continuing UncertainPath's Journey

Open mic with @lc_spokenword. Two sonnet crowns: one of yearning, one erotic, and both old af (around 7 to 10 years old). Someone gave me roses as a thank you for inspiration, methinks. Sorry. Mind has been foggy with the move and all. :) #gay #Latinx #latine #latino #queer #twospirit #gendernonconforming #genderqueer #transfemme #nonbinary #sonnet #crown #yearning #erotic #poetry #openmic #writtenword #me #myself #i (at Amaro Winery) https://www.instagram.com/p/CqBfBVhJebT/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Welcome home, My Love. Wherever I go, you go. The good thing is that Cariño was more than okay to keep you in our home. You knew him as Jose. He goes by Lupe now. We’ve decided to stick by each other as long as the universe decides. We call each other “frusband,” but don’t worry, we know that you were the first. Also, you beat out Jesus for that spot. Lupe wanted the Last Supper there originally. :) Forever Your Ben. Always My Gil. #gay #latinx #latine #latino #queer #twospirit #genderqueer #gendernonconforming #trasnfemme #nonbinary #welcomehome #mylove #frusband #soulmate #foreveryours #alwaysmine #loveyou #missyou (at Las Cruces, New Mexico) https://www.instagram.com/p/CptX0eys7Lr/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Paid the deposit and first months rent. Got the keys and had to move out the precious tenant, but it is official: I am unofficially a Crucen (that’s what the internet says anyway). I say unofficial as I am still a permanent resident of Texas until I can ensure I can get a license being half-blind. Rent is a bit steep, but it is all inclusive (utilities, pets and all that jazz). This is a new beginning for myself and my second frusband, and it will entail a lot of changes for us both. Here is to new beginnings, a new adventure, and a new chapter. :) #gay #latinx #latine #latino #queer #twospirit #genderqueer #gendernonconforming #transfemme #frusband #newbeginnings #newadventures #newjourney #newchapter https://www.instagram.com/p/Cpgfst7MhVi/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Went yesterday to @kicksocial_ep with @mfactor915. As they describe it, it is “the amazing mashup sport of soccer - billiards a.k.a. SNOOKBALL.” I was first just casually observing, but an acquaintance saw me and we played on an unoccupied table. It was cool talking to them about education and our subbing experiences. Also saw someone that my mind is processing as a crush, which is a totally new feeling for me since I had not experienced that since I was last in love over 10 years ago. Not sure how that will pan out as I only see him as an acquaintance and I am not in the mood to pursue anything. Still, it’s nice to feel something different. :) #gay #latinx #latine #latino #queer #twospirit #nonbinary #gendernonconforming #genderqueer #transfemme #me #myself #i #kicksocial #soccer #billiards #pool #snookball (at Kick Social) https://www.instagram.com/p/CoaE8UmpnB8/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Had dodgeball with @pridesportselpaso today. Wasn’t as bad as last time when I had a full blown anxiety attack. Many on my team wished me a happy birthday, and one friend, @pretty_pearl915, gave me a cupcake and flowers. Part of me feels overwhelmed with the attention, but another reassures me that it’s a small step. Next year will be another one. :’) #gay #latinx #latine #latino #queer #twospirit #nonbinary #transfemme #genderqueer #gendernonconforming #love #worth #birthday #cupcake #strawberry #flowers #babysteps #me #myself #i https://www.instagram.com/p/CoS2KvOJRML/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Decided to treat myself to some drinks and poetry for my bday. Asked the bartender for a drink that was not too sweet. He made an elote, which is a mexican candy made to taste like sweetened corn and covered in chile. They indeed delivered. :) #gay #latinx #latine #latino #queer #me #myself #i #transfemme #nonbinary #twospirit #gendernonconforming #genderqueer #drinks #elote #ultra #michelob #wildhemp #poetry #bday #birthday #happyday #cheers https://www.instagram.com/p/CoOuejDM0v-/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

When it’s Unicorn Friday and your physical birthday. The spiritual one is on my Facebook as the physical one. The physical one is discretely hidden in plain sight. For the majority of my life, I have not really given much importance to this day mainly because the family that was actively involved in my life never really gave much importance to it either. The last time I can really think that it was important for me was when I turned seven. After that, it just went downhill and the last year that I celebrated, my 13th, was the first time that I actually wished for death. After that, I really did not celebrate at all. The only two times I did it as an adult was because someone I was involved with insisted, but I had to pay for it all. Needless to say, it did not really help with my antagonism towards this day. Most of them as an adult I just didn’t celebrate or tell anybody, and I even forbade people to wish me one. I only actually began to do something when I started subbing and have long-term assignments because it was more for my kids, who always enjoyed a birthday. For me personally, I think now is a good time to make a change in that rhetoric. All I know is that will just take time to get used to a day and celebrate it with love instead of view it with such hate. Then again, all I have to do is look towards the future and take it one day at a time. Just one day… #gay #latinx #latino #latine #queer #transfemme #twospirit #genderqueer #gendernonconforming #nonbinary #me #myself #i #birthday #makeawish #unicorn #friday https://www.instagram.com/p/CoN_U6gpFoI/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

On Thursday, my “dressy Thursdays,” I wore this outfit to school. The class I was in was a life skills class, meaning these kids were at least two years behind there counterparts on general education. The majority of the kids noticed it was indeed a dress, and only one chuckled to see such a sight. Yet, non questioned why I wore something girly. They just asked why, and I responded that I liked it (and it had pockets). No lore questions about it. They accepted that it was okay and that I looked nice in it and that they liked it too. Now of these kids, whom society has eschewed and believe that they have little contribution to our advancement, can show kindness and respect, why is it so hard for those of “normal” intelligence to be the same way? Something to think about, no? #gay #latinx #latine #latino #queer #transfemme #twospirit #genderqueer #gendernonconforming #nonbinary #style #fashion #me #myself #i #dress #love #worth #education #sub #substitute #substituteteacher #eyesofachild #acceptance #respect https://www.instagram.com/p/CnvzC9TMTKt/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

So I almost did not do my Unicorn Friday, but I am glad I did. Backstory: In December, a principal told me that I was no longer allowed go worm with her campus on long-term assignments due to parent concerns and parent sensitivities. These revolved around my gender identity and perceived sexual orientation based on my using rainbows in my classroom decor and wearing dresses. Needless to say I no longer feel comfortable, much less safe, going back to that campus. Fast forward to today. I am in a two-day assignment at another campus, and yesterday I wore a dress that looked like along shirt, and I mentioned I wore Unicorns on Friday. Some kids became excited, and though I was hesitant, I decided to go a little out to be myself. Enter this kid who I met today (they were absent yesterday). It appears that they are a furry, and they had on cat ears, tail, and collar. They *LOVED* my outfit. As the day progresses, before lunch, they asked me to call them by their furry name. I saw no harm, so I agreed. The first time I said it after lunch, some kids asked why they never mentioned before, and they stated that they felt comfortable with me. That was the reminder that I needed as to why I have unicorns and rainbows as my decor and why I am the way I am in my expression and dress. It’s not about pushing an agenda. It’s not about rubbing it one’s face. It’s about showing that if I am comfortable in my skin and my person, then they can be, too. It’s about showing that I am a safe person and my classroom is a safe place. It’s about teaching human decency and kindness. It’s about humanity. I almost forgot that because of one adult. All it took was one child to make me remember. :) #gay #latinx #latine #latino #queer #twospirit #gendernonconforming #genderqueer #transfemme #style #fashion #umicorns #rainbows #me #myself #i #peace #love #worth #comfort #safety #humanity #decency #kindness https://www.instagram.com/p/CnFmErLJXjg/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Poetry, beer, hemp smokes, and tunes. How else would I spend my time at a bar. :) #gay #latinx #latine #latino #queer #me #myself #i #transfemme #nonbinary #genderqueer #gendernonconforming #twospirit #poetry #sonnet #crown #beer #hemp #smokes #besttime #love #worth #creativity #tunes (at The Tool Box Bar) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cm5-wywuAx8/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

So a guy 13 years my junior sends me a tap and later a message on Grindr. He asks politely about being friends with benefits and later inquires about 🍆 pics. I respond as I usually would if given the opportunity: friends is needed for benefits, and that can take a while. Dick pics are “eh” as I see no inherent sexual attachment to them. I wish he would have inquired a little more, hut after I sent my album with my headshots, he stopped talking. I mean, really stopped after I said I was ambivalent to 🍆 pics, which is okay. Not many people, regardless of gender, who are allosexual are respectful when proposing a situation, and less will be respectful when you show no initial interest in them sexually. If he would have continued speaking, he might have learned about me as a human being, and what gets me going, even as someone who is on the asexual spectrum. Yet, i already did not meet his initial expectation, and that is fine. I will not meet many, and that is okay. I just need to fit one anyway, and you already know what I call him. :) #gay #latinx #latino #latine #queer #nonbinary #transfemme #gendernonconforming #genderqueer #twospirit #me #myself #i #asexual #allosexual #honest #ace #respect https://www.instagram.com/p/Cm5H8Slssgo/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

I ate tamales today. For many, that’s no big deal, as it is a staple for many Mexican and Latinx communities, especially during the holidays. Yet, today was the first time I have done so in six years. Ever since my Second Mom, Soulmate, and, a year later, my mom passed, this time was hell. For me, even without thinking about it, tamales were more than just a food we eat during the holidays. It was a time to have family and friends over. It brought people home. It was an act and, if homemade, labor of love. So when they left this earth, tamales didn’t feel the same, for what they represented I was lacking. As I have begun this journey of being in love with love again, I realize that grief, in the absence of life, is like a vinegar rat without oil: doesn’t do any good. I Griffin, love working tandem, and it is in the tendon where healing can begin, I can continue. However, healing isn’t like a Band-Aid that you takeoff and just move on. Rather, it’s more like an evolution. It changes what you felt for those that you have lost to something that you can remember them by, and later, becomes of that you can share with others, letting them know that there is indeed life after death. This year, I choose to go to the table, take a seat, and unwrap a tamal; for even though I know that they are no longer with me here in this mortal realm, they continue to be with me in my heart, my soul, and the very essence of my being. For that reason, alone, I know that I am at home… always. Cheers. #gay #latinx #latine #latino #latine #queer #twospirit #transfemme #nonbinary #genderqueer #gendernonconforming #tamales #tamal #family #home #love #grieving #healing #evolution #holidays #missing #table #cheers https://www.instagram.com/p/ClNJ3LVMI4W/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Considering that I am half plain, I think my make up came up pretty good for this day. :-) #Gay #Latinx #Latine #latino #Queer #TwoSpirit #GenderNonconforming #GenderQueer #Transfemme #NonBinary #Style #Fashion #Halloween #Love #Worth #Me #Myself #I #Calavera #MakeUp #Sub #Substitute #SubstituteTeacher #TeacherLife https://www.instagram.com/p/CkYasPbMoCp/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

After one of my nights in Cruces, I arrived home and saw her: my Lady, my Goddess. So beautiful in the sky, hiding behind the leaves and clouds. :) #gay #latinx #latine #latino #queer #twospirit #nonbinary #genderqueer #gendernonconforming #transfemme #moon #lady #goddess #evening #night #beforedawn #scenery #beauty #love https://www.instagram.com/p/CjoN2oBpdkw/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Went to La Union Corn Maze with @mfactor915. My usual MO is to ditch them as early as possible and never look back. This year, however, I was running late, and they waited for me, so I thought the best thing was to tag along. I also don’t do photos, but they got me candidly. The last two pics show the only souvenir I got at the maze. We were trying to take a short cut through a fence, and my foot got caught on one of the wires, as I fell, I grabbed onto one of the poles, leaving with this really cool mark. Would make for a nice tattoo, no? :) #gay #latinx #latine #queer #latino #twospirit #gendernonconforming #genderqueer #nonbinary #transfemme #me #myself #i #love #worth #candid https://www.instagram.com/p/Cjl4cosscGZ/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Photo dump: closing last school year. My second-to-last long-term assignment. I enjoyed it, even though the last grading period was bad. The school was closed and consolidated with a middle school to make a new PK-8 school. Have been there once, and you can tell that the elementary side is low on morale. I called in to let them know I was running late, and they answered as “[School’s Name] Middle School.” Never a good thing to hear that. Hopefully it gets better as the year progresses. #gay #latine #latinx #latino #queer #endofyear #school #closing #me #myself #i #photodump https://www.instagram.com/p/Cjjp60xM_QH/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

The two best takeaways from pride. One of the booths were raffling two “baskets” of prizes. One of them had a children’s book and small unicorn tote among other things. I didn’t have cash on me, so couldn’t buy any thickets. My friend that was there bought two raffle tickets and put on them he wanted the basket with those items if he won. Unbeknownst to be, he purposely chose that one so he could give me the book and tote. They are two cherished gifts I will hold on to for a long time. :) Thank you again, my friend. :) #gay #latine #latinx #latino #queer #pride #snmpride #unicorn #tote #childrensbooks #lgbt #friends #friendship https://www.instagram.com/p/CjPUwJ_sxH1/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=