07-01-24
I hate him. I hate him so much it hurts sometimes. I feel so weak for feeling like I could even like a person. I try to act like everything’s fine but it isn’t. My alcoholism has gotten worse, I find myself picking fights with everyone around me and every time I imagine his voice I get sick to my stomach.
I wish I was able to just be myself and know it’s fine to feel these things but he makes me feel weak. He makes me feel ashamed. I hate that people only love me in concept but as soon as my walls come down after months of begging they can’t handle it.
I am worthy of love. I’m told this every day and yet he is a constant reminder that I am bonded to someone who rather love the idea of me than accept me for my flaws. I hate him as much as he hates me. The real me at least.
-L. O-G















