Its just me im nothing special.

I have always forced things out of my mind to help get over breakups and times of pain. I thought that i kicked it, but it turns out it only became as natural as breathing. Things that i never wanted to forget are gone from my memory. I cant remember certain dates and what happened around spacific times.

Do you ever get that feeling that your nothing but a fuck up?? Everything i touch crumbles around me. And because of my selfish, immature, rediculious, inappropriate fucked up ways, i hurt the only person i have ever truly loved. Maybe some people are just meant to be alone forever, meant to die alone with no one there. Today my mind has been nothing but a hurricane of every emotion that iv been holding back. And im at my breaking point. Idk how much longer i can do this.............

After so long of being able to control it. This weekend i let my guard down thinking that it would be ok. But instead everything that iv been trying to push away came flooding back, like a tidal wave. I broke...... i couldnt contain the feelings. The one that hit me the hardest is jealousy. And its killing me inside.

As the urge gets stronger and stronger. The fight gets harder and harder. My anger gets the best of me some days but i dont go on pointless rampages anymore. I use it to better myself not only mentially but physically. I find myself going harder at the gym. I love the feeling of pain now. I no longer need to cut because the pain i feel from working out hurts even more. And the ammount of anger that i have built up inside is damn near endless. Therefore my energy source is endless.

Dont you just love being so angry that you can't fall asleep??

With how iv been latley idk if im going to be able to watch this part....... anyone who has seen the amazing spiderman 2 will understand this.

Clense the body, clear the soul and only then you can truly control the mind.

So i was going through my bag and came arcoss my condoms. Just to realize that there is one missing. My mind is now trying to push the anger on me. But u know what? FUCK IT IM GOING TO USE THE ANGER AS FUEL!!!!! i know you most likley had sex this weekend. Im glad to see that you are over me and have fully moved on. Now i must try even harder to get over you, ever since i moved to vancouver everything has been catching up to me. And im glad that it finally has. I can now use all the emotions to fuel the fire within and mold myself into a new and better person.