Alistaire Ira Jones

I heard an embarrassing argument between Puppy + Mom. I'm already grieving inside after I lost my parents. Why should I witness such embarrassment now? I know I'm too embarrassed to look back at my own mistakes + regrets because bringing them up in an argument will get me to cry over, and then eat, my own feelings. That's why I'm 200 pounds now. I was 19 when I weighed 90 pounds in 2011. Now, 15 years later, I'm overweight...and isn't it embarrassing enough? I can't wait to get back to 100 pounds and regain my metabolism so I can be able to walk to the library, pay off my public library debts, get me a replacement library card, and just get to reading again. My life is just so embarrassing.

I just ate a couple sandwiches for dinner. I feel a lot better than when I first started writing this entry. Maxi had been so fussy it was going to drive me down the Franklin Mountains....until he fell asleep before I began eating. He had been on the phone on so many nights, it was frustrating. Mom asked me if Maxi is okay, I showed he's asleep in reply. I just turned the volume down so it won't be too loud for his tiny ears. He awoke for a few seconds, then laid back down to sleep, as I tucked him in my blanket, kissed his forehead + booped his nose.

I'm writing this entry while standing on the carpet I just vacuumed as soon as I got home from adult daycare, among other done chores. I'm really getting into the rhythm of STFU, a new song from Monstercat's Uncaged Department. I'm listening to it on loop via SoundCloud. Maxi is drawing pictures until he's hungry enough to eat his dear Grandma's spaghetti.

I'm just about to get hungry myself. I better eat something now, otherwise I'll be regretfully cranky if I don't.

I already downed two cups of coffee, one steak, and a small portion of riced cauliflower for dinner, so I'm chill on food. As for medication, I'm already done with that second cup of coffee, so I'm good on that, as well.