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I can't look at couples, I can't hear about people in love, I can't even watch other people have sex. All that rings in my head is "what the fuck have I done wrong to not have had this for so long..."

I'm beginning to lose faith in myself because it's been so long since I have convinced someone else to.

I live in a perpetual lie in order to hide the fact that I may be in a perpetual state of depression.

I think I play God to those around me in a never ending fleeting from boredom. It's a boredom I've created to keep myself from making any real commitment and a way to avoid facing the fact of my stark ostracization.

I have such a strong drive to be with a woman right now. I think in part to my very biologic nature, but also because I believe if I have some grounding, she'll keep me from spinning into darkness.

My days are filled with the cold isolation of my being alone in the world, and my nights are marked by my hanging onto the last few threads of sanity I have left...