Jolene Meghan

Diverge from obsession’s set up. Make it magical realism. Witches are rare but they exist and curses are real and a known part of life. Celebrities usually have precautions taken against curses but someone gets a piece of Shane’s hair or some shit that gives them a direct link to him, bypassing any defenses.

Shane gets hit with some archaic bullshit that has been historically used to stepford wife your partner. She doesn’t love you back? She doesn’t respect you as the head of her household? Haha, don’t worry, we can fix that. It’s very, very, very illegal now but people can still do it.

Ilya has no part in cursing Shane. He didn’t know it was happening in advance. He wasn’t told about it after. This was a sincerely unilateral third party that wanted to either hurt Shane or make Ilya happy, and they thought this would do it. They are unfortunately right.

The thing about this storyline that interests me would be that it could really showcase the horror of tlg’s ending. To do that properly, I think it’d be important to not make anyone’s actions better or worse than they actually are. Take as many direct quotes from canon as possible. Play out the scenes as they are written. Let the horror be what actually, literally happens to Shane in canon. Soften nothing, harden nothing, make it be the actual ending of the long game. Show the horror in it

And specifically the horror is that Shane’s just hollowed out into a smiling, vacuously happy fuck doll and quite literally nobody in his life notices. That’s actually not fully accurate—people notice. They’re just happy about it. They like him so much better like this.

Shane’s “happiness” is never real. It’s not that he feels the happiness he claims to have or believes anything he’s doing or saying. He is fully conscious. He is aware. He is locked behind a pane of glass. He has no control over anything that he’s doing or saying. But it’s still him on the inside. He never gets to sink behind false feelings of happiness—he has to live out the nightmare and feel everything happening to him.

Again, magic is a known element in this world. When he first gets cursed, Shane is certain that Ilya or his parents or anyone is going to notice that his entire personality has disappeared overnight and realize what happened. They’ll hire a curse breaker and he’ll be saved.

They don’t.

He isn’t.

Again, keep this as close to canon as possible. Take direct quotes. Use the exact words they use in canon as much as possible. People notice he’s different and they’re so, so glad. He’s so much better than he was before. He seems so, so happy now. Everyone’s so relieved.

Shane spends the entire time trying to fight the curse. He gets close to regaining even a little bit of control over his body if he focuses on specific things that make him miserable and desperate and afraid. Those few statements in canon suggesting unhappiness or worry or fear are the only brief flashes of control he gets. Moments like when he says he’s worried no one will ever sign him again. He barely manages to choke the words out. He’s hoping that someone, anyone, will notice how his giddy, lovesick happiness in every other moment doesn’t comport with these flashes of unhappiness. He thinks maybe if someone just asked him a single fucking follow up question about how he feels or what’s been happening in his life that maybe the sudden switch from expressing unhappiness to expressing delirious, saccharine, lovesick joy would make the curse clear, or maybe he’d manage to gain more control and tell someone he’s cursed. He’s reaching out a hand and hoping someone grabs it.

Ilya fucks him happy, Ilya fucks him happy, Ilya fucks him happy

Again, make it as close to canon as possible. And that means emphasizing that Ilya has never been happier. Use exact words from the book. He is overwhelmed with happiness. This is his perfect day. His life has never been better.

Shane’s So Happy Too. He’s Never Been Happier. Make Him The Butt Of The Joke, He’s Laughing Too. Post Him On Instagram, Make The Sex Tape, Take Him To Bed. Fuck Him Happy, Fuck Him Happy, Fuck Him Happy.

On the inside, Shane is just. Decaying. He is a ghost haunting himself and not a single person in his life has realized that they’re talking to his fucking corpse.

Shane’s isolated from Hayden, J.J., and Rose. They’re all in a different city, and Ilya didn’t like them all that much. He’s got his husband’s friends now anyway. The Centaurs are all he needs.

There’s a subset of people online who sees his online presence 180 from Shane Fucking Hollander to Ilya’s giggling, lovesick husband on Ilya’s Instagram and the Centaurs’ social media accounts and they’re like “there is no goddamn way that guy didn’t get stepford wife’d.” It’s an online conspiracy theory with a moderate following but it doesn’t have any real traction.

Ilya has a brief moment of pause when he sees it. The theory is that he had Shane cursed and that their relationship was never real to begin with and he knows that’s not true. And there’s never been a case of someone doing this to someone else’s spouse. Like. The entire motive of this kind of curse is for sick, controlling fucks to do it for their own personal benefit. He’d never do this to Shane, and no one has any reason to do this for him. What would even be the benefit? Shane’s been… different, but that’s because he’s so much happier now that they’re out and married and playing for the same team. He says it all the time. This curse thing can’t be true.

Of Course It’s Not True. They’re Just Homophobic Fucks Who Want To Diminish The Life They’ve Built Together. Shane’s Never Been Happier. But, You, Know, Ilya, You Could Make Me Even Happier ;)

Ilya fucks Shane happy, Ilya fucks Shane happy, Ilya fucks Shane happy

Shane gets out of it but he’s not saved by any of his loved ones. Again, the horror is just literally what happens in tlg. Everyone’s so glad for him. He’s so much better now that he’s learned to let go and let himself be happy.

This shit gets broken by a random fucking witch who’s seen this curse before and clocks the signs. Again, witches in general are rare and this curse is extremely rare because it was made fuck-off illegal decades ago. Very few people even remember how to cast it and modern cases are few and far between. But this random fucking witch decides to risk catching a case and just curse breaks Shane without his prior knowledge or consent because if she’s right the man is in hell right now. And it works. It’s taken months, but he’s finally back in control of his own body

Crash out. Holy fuck crash out

Ilya has no idea what that spell was and tries to comfort Shane over whatever the fuck just happened and Shane does not want him to touch him. He does not need to be fucked better right now Jesus Jesus Jesus

I think one of the first things he does in his panic is wrench his wedding ring off. It wasn’t even him who said I Do.

Ilya gets arrested and then released when Shane tells the police that he’s pretty sure Ilya had no idea it even happened. A stranger cast the spell and Ilya hasn’t shown a single indication of knowing it happened in months.

But that’s also sort of the issue with their relationship now. Ilya couldn’t figure out that Shane got body snatched in months. And that entire time, Shane’s been locked inside his own skull watching as he’s the butt of every joke, as his reputation’s been shredded without Ilya caring, as he’s not been consulted on a single decision Ilya makes, as his every issue was solved with Ilya bending him over the nearest flat surface and fucking him right. He can’t. He can’t do this right now. Maybe not ever again.

Again, we’re just gonna have the immediate aftermath of the curse be the literal end of the long game, just with Shane getting to scream on the inside. Shane does not get that much relief in that time because there is none in the story. The curse frankly does not have to try very hard to cover up Shane’s possession and it’s worse at covering up his possession in those weeks. One of the rules of curses in this universe is that they evolve and become more complex the longer they remain. It’s very convincing mimic of Shane’s mannerisms, but it’s less equipped to smoothly cover up Shane’s attempts to break through. When it’s first settling into Shane, Shane’s got more chances to seize a tiny bit of control back, and the curse is more limited in how it plays those moments off. It’s like an AI model that’s early in its development. It’s still learning how to be a person. It kind of comes off like Shane is glitching between unhappiness and happiness.

But it doesn’t matter. Everyone just fucking goes with it. He seems so much happier now :) He’s so much more relaxed :) They’re so happy for him :)

Shane loses a lot of hope that anyone’s going to notice after it’s not figured out in the first month or so. Because a lot of the signs of a curse that people are trained to spot involve sudden changes in personality and decision-making and values. Once this goes on for more than a month, his personality’s not all that different now, because Shane’s acting the same way he has for weeks. Like. Once people accept the curse’s act as Yep :) That’s Shane :) and thinks of the curse’s behavior as the baseline for his behavior he’s kind of fucked

But Ilya’s going to eventually confront Shane about how he thinks Shane’s been hiding depression, and the curse is going to try to deny it. That’s Not What It Is. It’s not meant to be someone’s Depressed Wife Husband. It is meant to be happy, and inconvenient, and requires no maintenance. It gives you a spouse that exists for your use. It gives you something that is always there to agree with you, to validate you, to support you, to wait on you, to always be happy to fuck you. This is not meant to be a mutual or balanced relationship. You are not meant to be worried about its wellbeing anymore than you’d be worried about the wellbeing of a fucking blender or the inflatable sex doll you packed in your fucking travel bag. It exists for its spouse’s use. If Ilya’s worried about something, then it needs to just make those worries go away.

But Ilya thinks Shane’s being cagey because he fucked up when they first got married. Like. I’m gonna give him a lot of regret over that time because I don’t know how you can’t regret being excited that your spouse is losing everything because it’s convenient for you. I hate having to paint Ilya with that brush to begin with but we are married to canon for that part. We are not shying away from how happy he was and giving him concern or worry that simply was not in the book.

Shane tried way harder to signal the possession in the first month or so. The thing is that the curse is actively covering things up but it is limited in how it does so. It can only be what it is. It is placid, happy inconvenience. If Shane manages to force out a few words about how he’s upset or unhappy, it cannot feign a conversation following up on that. It has to get Shane’s body back on track to being a smiling, inconvenient thing that you never have to worry about, and again, the curse is very new and more unskilled about how it does it in those first few months. He’s Fine :) He’s Happy :) Don’t Worry About Him :)

Shane dedicates an agonizing amount of effort to forcing out little signals of upset hoping that someone will notice the bizarrely immediate return to empty, smiling happiness. That is a classic sign of a fucking curse. His entire goddamn life is falling apart. He’s losing everything. Surely, someone, someone is going to notice how fucking weird how he’s acting about that is.

And then just. No one does. There’s no follow up questions. They’re so glad he’s learned to relax a little :) More cake? :)

Ilya’s canonical strategy of responding to Shane’s every expression of emotional upset by offering sex really works against him here. It is so easy to attribute the sudden shift in Shane’s mood to the afterglow. Of course shane’s not upset anymore—he just got a fucking blow job. Emotional upset, cured.

By the time Ilya confronts Shane about his “depression,” Shane has fully given up on anyone noticing. He has for the most part given up on landmining his loved ones with little signals that he’s cursed because fuck knows they aren’t picking up on those as it is and Ilya’s fucking him regularly enough as it is and he can’t. He can’t cause more of that. He just. He can’t. He’s frankly dedicating all of his attempts to get out of this towards trying to kill himself.

He manages to lock his ankle during a game and take himself down on the ice, but he wakes up in the med bay after to a very worried Ilya and very recoverable injuries. Ilya has to go on a roadie while Shane’s on injury leave and he spends a week unable to do nothing but perform minimal body maintenance and answer Ilya’s calls and stare at a fucking wall.

We’re also gonna go the mildly sentient arena route with this fic because I like the aesthetic and also it fits what I imagine for the Stanley Cup Wish/magic in general. Magic has a certain level of intelligence, as seen by the curse. And the Stanley Cup gets its power from the preceding years of hockey. Each game played, each cheer of the crowd, each win, each loss, it all churns and churns and churns like water on a prayer wheel. The power is collected in the Cup and that’s what makes it holy.

The power flows towards the Stanley Cup but the arenas gather the runoff over the years. The arenas remember. And sometimes they will sing to you the echoes of games past and, on the rare occasions that they actually notice you and like you, they will occasionally ensure your path through its halls runs smoothly. They never help their players during a game, that’s not what they are, but a door may literally open for you if you play a particularly good match. It’s considered a huge recognition from the arena to have so much as a light flicker on for you when you enter a room.

All the doors open for Shane Hollander in Bell Centre. All the lights turn on when he walks through its rooms. He hasn’t touched a switch or a handle in years. Because the Bell Centre loves Shane Hollander. Shane loves it back.

It always sang to him, always, and it rustled the banners in its rafters when he skated beneath them like it was trying to wave to him. He’d hear the echo of his own games in its song, his own laughter, louder than the rest, as if it was trying to tell him that he was its favorite. Metros fans sang to him when it was 19, and the Bell Centre collected the sound into its rafters and crooned it back to Shane whenever he stepped onto its ice, as if to echo him I love you I love you I love you

Shane never talked much about his relationship with the Bell Centre. It was unusual. Arenas were old and big and slow, and their awareness was limited. Whales did not fall in love with the algae floating beneath them. Arenas did not fall in love with individual players. If he tried to explain that the Bell Centre had developed a relationship beyond passing recognition with him personally, he’d sound crazy.

He tried to explain it to Ilya a few times, but it was after they started fighting all the time, and Ilya just made fun of him for being in love with a building, and Shane never made it more than a few sentences into trying to explain before he gave up. He didn’t really talk about it.

Shane plays two games in Montreal after the curse takes him. He spends both of them begging the building to kill him.

He begs the rink to swallow him. He begs the rafters to drop one of its bars on his head. Save him eat him free him. He wants to go home he wants to go home he wants to go home—

The Bell Centre refuses the first game. It tries to jam its doors so he can’t leave. It flashes the lights in the visiting locker room with anger and violence. That night, there is an earthquake in Montreal, and witches confirm it was magical in origin. Something has angered the Centre Bell enough to make its very foundation tremble. Many people attribute it to the betrayal of its longtime captain, Shane Hollander, who returned after he threw a playoffs match for a team he then joined—

Ilya’s pissed. They are all such fucking assholes. As if Shane’s to blame for the fucking earth shaking.

It’s the biggest relief Shane’s had in months. Something missed him. Something wants to save him.

The second time he returns to Montreal, he begs it again. Sometimes you can only come home in a coffin. Sometimes the only way to save someone is to free them in the most permanent sense. Swallow him, swallow him, swallow him.

The rink splits at the end of the third period. Ilya barely manages to drag Shane off the ice before it caves in under him. The game has to be canceled. Shane is regretfully informed that he cannot ever return to Bell Centre. He’ll have to sit future games out. The building is obviously too angry at him to allow him back inside.

That’s Okay :) It’s Probably For The Best :) Easier To Close The Book On That Chapter Of His Life Now, You Know? :)

By the time Ilya confronts him about his “depression,” Shane’s pretty much given up hope of rescue and thinks the only thing that’s ever loved him is a fucking building that he’s not allowed to go back to. Like he is not doing well.

Ilya’s nervous. And embarrassed. He’s got notes written out on paper. He’s worried Shane is dangerously depressed and has completely shut him out because he spent the start of their marriage talking about how happy he was that Shane’s life fell apart and cracking jokes about it.

And the curse keeps trying to assure him that Ilya Doesn’t Need To Worry About Him. He’s Happy. Ilya Makes Him So Happy.

And Ilya’s like, Shane, no, no he can tell something’s wrong, he doesn’t seem interested in anything unless Ilya suggests it first, and he doesn’t drink his ginger ale anymore, and the bookmark in his book never fucking moves—

That’s Ridiculous. Ilya Sees Him Drink Ginger Ale and Read And—

Yeah, when Ilya’s around. But the only ginger ale that leaves the fridge are the cans Ilya hands him at dinner and the only time that Shane’s bookmark moves is when they’re relaxing together.

He knows how depression can make you lose interest in everything. Shane tried to reach out to him for help when this started and he shut him out and he’s so, so sorry. Shane’s just seemed so empty for months and Ilya should have never let it get this far. Please let Ilya get him help.

And the curse is like. Glitching. It’s not sure how to handle this. It is not meant to be something that its spouse takes care of. It is convenience. You don’t help it. You use it.

It’s like. Okay, Sue Him. He’s Been Watching More TV And Drinking Less Ginger Ale. Stop Worrying About Him, Because He’s Fine. He’s Never Been Better :)

Ilya is. Despairing. He knows the instinct to hide depression because he tried to hide his depression from Shane. But Shane didn’t hide the fact that he was struggling at first, he tried to reach out to Ilya for support, and Ilya always just gave him a blow job about it. He feels terrible. But he can’t give up. He’s just going to have to prove to Shane that he can lean on him and then Shane will actually do it.

Shane feels better than he has in months. Fuck, Ilya noticed he was gone. He missed him.

The curse starts emptying a can of ginger ale into the sink whenever Ilya leaves. It starts moving the bookmark in Shane’s book forward. Ilya likes Shane better this way, and it’s here to make sure Shane’s exactly how he likes him :)

But Ilya still keeps after Shane and it gives Shane more hope that he’s had since the curse started. The curse’s attempts to seem less “depressed” are failing because it’s limited by what it is. It can mimic Shane’s behavior, but it can’t really make him into anything more than a sex doll that sometimes plays hockey. Ilya’s never going to be able to come home and find out about a new hobby Shane picked up because the curse just can’t. It can feign interest in Shane’s old hobbies because it can mimic Shane’s behavior, and it can feign interest in any of Ilya’s new hobbies because it’s Anything Ilya Wants It To Be :) but it cannot come up with anything new on its own. That’s just not what it is. Its caricature of humanity will always, always, always be imperfect.

And it can’t truly disagree with Ilya. It can chirp him, because Ilya Likes Their Banter :). It can try to assure Ilya that it’s fine when Ilya is worried about Shane, because it’s something that’s Always Fine, Never Happier Actually. But it can’t do basic shit like tell Ilya that he thinks that the new couch he picked out is fucking ugly, actually, and they are absolutely not getting that one. That’s just not what it is. Whatever You Pick Is Fine, Dear :) You Always Know What’s Best :)

And that’s simply not Shane Hollander. Ilya is getting increasingly worried that losing Montreal and his friends and his reputation and also Ilya laughing at him for it just completely broke Shane. He’s so… passive and empty now. Where is his stubborn bitch (extreme affection)

Shane doesn’t have a lot of solace about the fact that so many people fell for the curse initially because 1) they had some very good chances to clock the curse because he gave them good chances to clock the curse and just. Talked about how much they liked him better now and 2) it cannot mimic him in certain ways that really matter. The curse is passive and accommodating and above all convenient. He won’t be upset of course he doesn’t mind and can he suck your dick while he’s at it? :) Shane hasn’t expressed his own opinion or an inconvenient emotion or thought in months. Like. He really feels like everyone likes him better as a fuck doll with slightly better conversational skills because that’s all he really can be like this. He cannot be a real person because he can only exist for other people’s use.

But he ends up finding the only solace he really has in just how much the curse starts to struggle to cover up its own existence with Ilya. It cannot be what Ilya wants it to be because Ilya wants the real Shane. He just misdiagnoses the problem. “Shane had his entire life blow up on him and absolutely no one supported him when it happened including me his literal fucking husband” is an unfortunately good explanation as to what may be making Shane act so fucking weird. He’s struggling to cope with losing everything and he no longer trusts Ilya to help him. It doesn’t help that this specific curse is believed to be basically extinct and Shane should be protected by a top of the line ward. When he finally cottons on to something being wrong, he repeatedly attributes the curse’s behavior to a mental health crisis. And Shane hangs pretty much all of his hopes of getting out of this on that fact. Eventually, Ilya’s going to realize that this isn’t depression or disassociation or marital issues or a mental health issue. He’ll figure it out, he’ll figure it out, he’ll figure it out. And the more the curse struggles, the more hope he gets.

The curse is really glitching out over Ilya’s concern because Ilya’s concern is against its nature. By the end of it, the closest it can get to what Ilya wants is to suggest that maybe he hasn’t been himself lately and he wants to lean on Ilya as much as Ilya will let him. Like. It’s trying to treat Ilya’s attempts to help him like a fucking caretaking kink. Its nature demands that it make Shane into Ilya’s perfect doll and sometimes people want a doll they can pretend to take care of. It’s like how toy companies sell babies that will fake crying so you can pretend to soothe it. Ilya’s Right, Of Course He’s Right. It Has Been Hard Lately. But Ilya Makes Him Feel Better. Please Hold Him.

But the curse can’t mimic Shane’s interiority. That’s just not what it is. It can only make shallow stabs at what Ilya thinks Shane must be upset about and try to mime at that same upset. It has to dodge most of Ilya’s concern by saying it’s hard for him to talk about and he needs more time to put it into words. But He’s So Grateful He Has Ilya Here For Him. He Always Takes Care Of Him. :)

And Ilya’s like, of course, moya lubimiyy. He knows Shane needs time to open up to him again. He’s here for whatever Shane’s willing to give him. And it’s going to get better, okay? He’s going to fix this, he swears. Shane’s made him so, so happy by telling him this. They’re finally going to get him some help. Of course, he’ll hold Shane. Anything he needs.

And the curse is like. Yay :) It Made Ilya Happy Again :) Ilya Wants A Shane That Asks Him To Hold Him When He’s Sad :) If He Pretends To Be Sometimes Sad So Ilya Can Make Him All Better Again Then He Will Be The Kind Of Doll Ilya Wants :)

But Ilya doesn’t want a doll. He wants Shane. And that’s something the curse can’t actually be. It’s causing this existential dissonance where the curse just can’t fucking do what it’s designed for.

Like. It’s been glitching out over ilya’s attempts to get it into therapy because it’s nature demands that it try and prevent itself from being discovered and broken and it cannot hold up under therapy, it’s got the inner depth of a fucking puddle and that’s going to become clear if it has to pretend to be Shane talking about himself for any extended period of time, but its nature also demands it be whatever Ilya wants him to be. Ilya wants Shane to go to therapy and get better. He wants to make Shane happy again. He doesn’t want Shane to spend the rest of his life as this empty, passionless shell. He blames himself and all Shane went through with the trip for it getting this bad to begin with. Shane must have felt so alone.

And all of is attempts to express that give Shane so much hope. He finally feels like he may get out of this one day. Surely, surely Ilya will figure out that this is more than depression if he keeps after the curse.

I think it gives Shane a lot of mixed emotions. Shane carries so much pain over how those first few months go under the curse. It’s such a destructive experience for him. He has a period where he thinks Ilya genuinely doesn’t love him as anything other than a hole because that’s all he really is and Ilya seems fine with it.

Ilya revealing that he’s noticed something’s wrong and really starting to chase it gives him a lot of complicated feelings. Ilya does miss him. He did notice Shane was gone. He’s still the guy who went out of his way to stock his fridge with ginger ale and buy the yogurt with the right texture for Shane’s visits even though it came from a different store than the one he usually shopped at. He wants Shane as a person, not as a convenient doll.

But, at the same time, he’s got so much fucking pain from this experience that he doesn’t even know how to begin how to unravel. Like. He doesn’t know the way back from this. It just hurts all the goddamn time.

I think towards the end Ilya’s really, really trying to reassure Shane that he knows how bad the last year has been for him but he’s going to spend the rest of their lives doing whatever it takes to make Shane happy again and Shane feels very lost and angry over it. Not at Ilya but at whoever cursed him. Their relationship had issues but they really could have made it. He wants so badly to go back to who they were when Ilya first came to his cottage and they were filled with so much reckless love and hope.

He feels like his marriage got stolen from him. Even if they find a way back to each other after this it will always change how they treat each other. Like, he’s never going to get a giggly excited honeymoon phase first year of marriage where they can’t keep their hands off of each other and are sickeningly obsessed with each other and just want to be sneaking off to spend time together. The curse fucking got that. But like. One of the ugliest parts of the violence of this premise is the fact that Shane’s been repeatedly raped by someone he loves who thought he was an enthusiastic participant the whole time. That sex was not consensual for either of them. Shane physically could not consent and Ilya could not provide knowing consent because he never in a million years would have touched Shane if he knew that Shane wasn’t consenting to him. They can’t get back to their previous carefree sexual dynamic because they’ve got this fucking mountain of trauma around their sex life now. Even if they find a way towards something new, it’s going to be different, and it would take an enormous amount of work to get there.