Jesus Jokes

Im a Hellenic traditionalist. Demeter has been pissed for the last 2000 years because we know too much about her mystery cult.

Im a solipsist monotheist. There is only one god *that we know of*

Im a environmental anti-theist. We should only reject god once we have a method of ethically recycling his body.

I'm a Jewish textual illegalist. The ONLY valid torahs are the ones properly buried in genizahs.

I'm a Militant Homosexual Christo-Muslim. The Knights Templar were actually homosexual half-christian half-muslim devil worshippers, AND they are the one true church.

Im a Vatican 1 ultra-fundamentalist. It is literally, physically impossible to mistranslate the Bible, and we must teach dolphins how to do it.

I'm a spinozan atheist. I don't believe in nature either.

I'm a rotating Monotheist. There is only ever one God, but it changes every week or so.

I don’t care if you make fun of Catholicism as long as it’s accurate! The best humour has its roots in the truth.

“You can be mean to me but there are RULES about it” is the most Catholic thing I’ve ever seen.

I walked into that one

And the angel said unto him, “stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself.” But lo, he could not stop, for the angel was hitting him with his own hands.

ok tik tok you win this round

I'm a Buddhist Inverse Solipsist. I believe that I am the only guy still in samsara, and all of reality is a truman-show-like act by billions of bodhisattvas who are just humoring me.

I'm a Theo-Illegslist Muslim. I believe that Islam was the original religion practiced by Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. However, I also believe I shouldn't be held by a divine covenant I wasn't there to sign.

I'm a polytheist with high standards. The pantheon only has the one. For now.

I'm a Post-Nicene Navajo Arianist. I believe that Christ was NOT co-eternal with God the Father, and that Coyote is part of the godhead. I actively refuse to explain how.

I'm a protestant accelerationist. I want the Catholic Church to sell more indulgences so god will smite them faster.

I'm a scientific puritan. I believe the only way to truly test if humans have free will is to try and convince Christ to kill himself.

I'm a Judeo-Islamic Para-evangelist. I believe the Messiah will only return once every jinn has converted to Judaism.

I'm a Sumerian Traditionalist. All the gods are dead because we haven't fed their idols in 2400 years.

everyone's doomed by the narrative bitch let's get you some fruit

the snake to eve in the garden