John Wick X Male Reader Be Like

John: I fucking love pecan pie

M/n: ehh, I don’t like nuts

John: that’s not what you were saying last night

M/n: why are gay guys so extra? Like, you’re a man, you don’t have to impress women

John: but you’re... we... we’re gay???

You: am I a bad boy~

John: well yeah, you’ve been very bad

You: really? How bad~

You: wow your house is really- are those knives

John: they’re decorative

John: uhh, f-five

John: yeah hold on I’m putting dog in a sweater that says BLM

M/n: nice

John: all right, it’s time for some fucking justice

John: oh cool did you remember my- why is there so much food

You: I’m stress eating

John: can you eat all of that???

You: nope

John: can I have some

John: ...

John: maybe if I was a worm too idk

M/n: ever since our first fight I’ve haven’t been able to think straight

You: John, what are you doing?

John: I’m taking dog on a walk

You: but hasn’t he been on a walk twice today

John:

You:

John: this is actually the tenth time I’m taking him out

You: corona is going to kill dog

John: so looks like we’ll be inside the house for awhile-

You with a insanely large amount of toilet paper: what

John: how many

John: hey honey~

You: yes

John: can you send me some dudes

You: do you mean nudes?

John: FIVE MONTHS

You: John calm down

John: YOU LET ME WATER A FAKE PLANT FOR FIVE MONTHS

John with a paper basket on his head chillin: hey m/n

You: hey john, have you seen my little paper basket?

John:

You:

John: look me in the eyes and ask again

You walking in the bathroom at 3am needing to pee: *flips light switch*

You: what the

You: JOHN! Why are their bloody weapons in the bathroom

John: what bloody weapons

John: M/N GET IN THE CAR

You: why

John: LATE VALENTINES DAY DATE TIME, COME ON WE HAVE RESERVATIONS

You: it’s February?????

John: M/N WE HAVE RESERVATIONS

You: what about dog

John: HES OUR WAITER

You: WHEN DID WE GET TO THE RESTAURANT

John: happy Valentine’s Day