Your Doomeyes

Vacant heaven above us, dead valleys below They’ve left us to fight for their bounty To claim it their own Burden of Empire Theatre of war for our souls No daemons surround us, a wasteland below The seal was broken, the Riders were beaten Now the future’s our own Burden of Empire Theatre of war for our souls Domain beyond measure For the suffering man It’s not what we’re made for The gods grew insane All we’ll inherit is a fortune of pain True wealth for no one, all laid to waste by the Lamb There’s war in heaven and the Earth will remain As is was before the Judgement began The Supremes will have nothing left to take Chained for all time, in different realms you’ll relive Forced to exist then devoured again, you’re only dream becomes the gift of an end The Burden of Empire.

Waging War with Hitler’s Penis

Its one thing to hate your enemy, but its even more damaging to laugh at your enemy.  Obviously that was the philosophy of the British Special Operations Executive during World War II when they planned to drop postcards showing Hitler’s wiener over Germany.  In 1943 the SOE, under the direction of Sefton Delmer took a common German postcard of Hitler giving a speech in Munich, 1942, with the intent of creating a morale devastating piece of propaganda.  From that photo a parody caricature was derived by artists, supposedly by one Marion Whitehorn, which depicted Hitler holding his penis with the caption taken from the same Munich speech, “What we have, that which we firmly hold”.  Hitler’s penis was depicted as circumcised in the hope of spreading the rumor that Hitler was a self hating Jew and a hypocrite.

Today marks the 12th Anniversary of a very interesting case of Civil Disobedience in the small Colorado town of Granby. 

Back in 2004, local Grand County area man Marvin Heemeyer was absolutely sick of being the victim of zoning laws and his muffler repair business being blocked by a federally funded Concrete batch factory. Like any other good respectable Coloradoan, Mr. Heemeyer decided it was time to take matters into his own hands and began construction a vicious machine. For a year and a half, Heemeyer spent his days modifying his Komatsu D355A bulldozer that he had originally bought to create an alternative path to his shop, but Heemeyer had better plans for it, thus the KILLDOZER was born.

Heemeyer had fabricated a solid steel cage around his Komatsu, in some places being more than a foot thick. To bind this all together, Heemeyer applied a 5,000 psi concrete mix between plates, effectively making homemade composite armor. This made the now venerable KILLDOZER impervious to the trivialities of small arm fire and explosives.  

Similar to many armored vehicles now found in the Syrian Civil War, the KILLDOZER was wired with two cameras and monitors mounted on the vehicles dashboard. Furthermore, the video cameras were protected by 3-inch shields of bullet-resistant plastic. Gun ports, air nozzles, fans and air conditioning were also added to the beast. On the morning of June 4th, 2004, Heemeyer lowered the armored hull onto the KILLDOZER, sealing himself away and permanently saddling himself on his death machine. The KILLDOZER erupted from Heemeyer’s shop and set its cross hairs on all that had done him wrong.

The concrete plant, the Town Hall, the office of the local newspaper that editorialized against him, the home of a former judge’s widow, and a hardware store owned by another man Heemeyer named in a lawsuit, all fell victim to mechanized destruction.

  No one was safe from the wrath of the KILLDOZER. 

Local Police Officers and SWAT teams were deployed to combat the steel beast, but all attempts (including dropping a flashbang into the exhaust pipe) were ineffective in diverting its steely vengeance. 

Colorado State Police were running out of options and feared that Heemeyer might turn against the civilians of Granby. Bill Owens, the governor of Colorado at the time, considered authorizing the National Guard to dispose of the KILLDOZER. Owens suggested the use of AH-64 Apache Helicopters or Javelin teams. However, the death of the KILLDOZER would not come at the hands of Apaches or Anti-Tank missiles, but rather the basement of the local Gambles Hardware store. 

At the second hour of Heemeyer’s rampage, the KILLDOZER began to destroy Gambles Hardware store, unaware that it contained a basement level. Already leaking fluids and radiator fluid, the KILLDOZER took its third and final strike. As Heemeyer attempted to exit Gambles, the KILLDOZER’s engine failed, then had dropped a tread into the small basement. Seconds later, the mortally wounded KILLDOZER was surrounded by SWAT members. Heemeyer knew his luck had run out. 

Heemeyer put a .357 revolver to his head and ended his life, taking 13 mangled houses and $7,000,000 worth of damage with him. His lifeless body wouldn’t be retrieved from KILLDOZER until 2 AM the next morning.