All my life I lived from under the radar when it came down to my lifestyle. That all changed the day I met the love of my life Treyvon Harrison. Although he never pressured me to come out, I can tell that it was weighing on him at times. Case and point, one day we were out, and I ran into my homies Aaron and Chris. When asked who he was I introduced him as one of the homies, let’s just say I didn’t hear the end of it when we where alone. That was one of the worst days of my life, Trey didn’t talk to me for hours, he ignored me when I tried to talk to him, when I tried to touch him he would slap my hand away, and when I went to kiss him, he turned his head away from me. I even tried to get some that night and I got cussed out to the max. While sitting at home in my room one day, I finally made a decision that would forever change my life. My love for Treyvon went deeper than living a lie to him and myself.
“Jarell what you mean you in a relationship with another nigga?” Aaron asked me shocked.
“So, you gay now?” Chris said with a mean mug on his face.
“What yall niggas want me to say man? You can call it what you want, I am who I am, and I’ve been with my dude for over a year now and I’m tired of keeping him a secret from the world, I love him too much to keep up this shit.” I said looking at both of them.
“Damn Bruh, how come you never told us, we suppose to be yo boy’s.” Chris said shaking his head.
“How was I supposed to tell yall niggas I fuck with dudes huh? When I have heard on several occasions from this one that and I quote ‘I hope all these fags just fucking die.’” I said pointing at Aaron.
“Because they do, it got too much pussy and bitches out here for a nigga to be fucking another nigga, that’s some straight up bullshit now you are telling us that you one of them faggot ass niggas too.” Aaron said and I to say I was pissed was an understatement.
“Yo A, chill bruh, this still our boy bro we just gotta get thru this.” Chris said trying to defuse the obvious tension between Aaron and me.
“Nah fuck that Chris, if you want to be down with this gay ass nigga then that you but I can’t get down with that shit.” Aaron said pointing at me, next thing I knew I was being pulled off this nigga by Chris. I couldn’t believe that after all these years we been cool this nigga could turn on me at the drop of a dime.
“Let that be a lesson to yo bitch ass, I’m still that nigga and don’t you forget it.” I said still fuming at him.
“Fuck yo faggot ass bitch, you need to die with the rest of them hoes.” He said walking off to his car.
“Don’t trip Jay bruh, that nigga just going thru some shit right now. Chris said walking with me to my car.
“That nigga never was my homie in the first place if he can turn on me like that.” I said fixing my clothes up.
“Aye, I can’t speak for that nigga but if that’s what you choose to do then that’s yo business. I’m still going to be yo boy no matter what nigga. How did yo folks take the news?”
“I ain’t tell them yet, moms might not trip but aint no telling what Tyrell and Jalisa will say, I’ma head over there when I leave here.”
“Good luck with that my nigga, you know yo bro just as crazy as Aaron stupid ass.” He said causing both of us to laugh. He was 100% right tho, my brother was not a normal nigga, I seen him punch this dude just because he looked at him. I didn’t get a chance to think to much on it because my phone started ringing. I pulled it out my pocket to see it was Treyvon calling. I walked off a little ways because I didn’t want Chris to hear me getting cussed out.
“Don’t sup boo me Jarrell, weren’t you supposed to be here over an hour ago for our date.” He said pissed.
“My bad babe, I had some stuff to take care of, some shit popped off and I ended up having to throw hands with someone I once called a friend.” I said trying to get him to calm down, but he wasn’t having it.
“Cut the shit Jarrell, I’m so tired of hearing ‘something came up bae, or I had to take care of this and take care of that.’ The shit aint cute no more, you know what continue to take care of what you need to take care of, I’m going out with my friends because I know they have time for me.”
“Trey, don’t be like that baby for real it was an honest mistake this time like real talk.”
“Yea, I hear you, I will talk to you later……… bye Jarrell.” He said hanging up the phone, any other time I would drop everything and rush to be by his side but right now I was on a mission and I had one more stop to make before I could face him.
“Trouble in paradise?” Chris said laughing and walking up to me.
“Man shut yo ass up……… I’ma have to get up with you later. Let me go to the house and find a way to make my folks understand this and I have to find a way to make up to my boo for missing our date.” I said dapping him up and getting in my car.
I sat in my car and started it up, I stayed in the same spot for a little while trying to gather my thoughts before pulling off. I was never the type to be nervous about anything but coming out to my family was nerve wrecking and had my stomach in knots. I think anyone who has been in my position before knows exactly what I’m dealing with right now. The fear of not knowing how my family was going to react to the news. My mind was so preoccupied by my thoughts that I didn’t realize I was in my drive way. I turned the car off and sat there looking at the door of my house before getting out. Oh well here goes nothing.
“Hey lil boy, where you been all day?” My mom said walking out the kitchen. “What happened to your face?” She said looking at the fresh scars I had from fighting.
“A little misunderstanding but where is Ty, And Lisa?” I said looking away.
“Upstairs, are you ok?” She asked, and I nodded, “You hungry?”
“Nah, I have a dinner date later, but there is something that I want to talk to yall about tho.” I said looking my mom in the eyes.
“Uh oh, do I need to pour myself a drink or do I need to call a lawyer?” She said with a stern look on her face.
“Probably a drink but let me go get these fools.” I said walking up the stairs.
After sitting in my room for a little while, I went and got my brother and sister to come downstairs with me. With every step I took the more nervous I became; my mom was sitting on the couch with her drink in her hand.
“Bro, what’s this news you have to tell us because I got to be to work in less than an hour.” Tyrell said looking at his watch.
“Yea, and I have a dance class that I’m running late for.” Jalisa said. I guess now is the moment of truth, it’s do or die time.
“Ok well, since this is no easy thing to talk to your family about, I just hope when I do tell yall that yall at least keep an open mind about it and not just go off the deep in.” I took a deep breath and looked at everybody. “For the last year……… I’ve been………” I started to say before I was cut off by my brother.
“If you about to tell us that your gay then you can save your breath……… we all know about that already.” When he said that my mouth dropped and for some odd reason I found it hard to breath. “Pick you mouth up, nobody cares about what you do, even though I been calling you a punk for years now, it had nothing to do about your lifestyle it was about the way you handle things.”
“How did yall find out, I mean I never gave yall any signs……… did I?”
“No, you didn’t give off that many signs but what mother don’t know her children and if she doesn’t then that bitch aint a real momma. Plus, I was at the movies last week on a date when you and your ‘homie’ walked in holding hands. You never know who is around when you are doing things and I have told all yall fuckers that just because you do shit you think no one knows about, there is always someone who sees everything and I’m that one.” She said smiling, this was my mom’s typical move, she would always see or know what we did and waited until we slipped up to tell us about it.
“Ma, I been wanted to tell you, but I guess I was scared.” I said with my head down.
“Pick your head up when you talk to me and scared of what?” She said taking a sip out her cup.
“I told you he was a punk, but are we done here because I gotta get to work.” My brother said laughing, I nodded my head and he walked up to me and punched me in the arm. “Stop looking like that you still my lil bro no matter what and I luh yo punk ass.” He said walking out the door.
“Yea me too I guess but I gotta go too chump.” Jalisa said hugging me. I looked over at my mom trying to get a read on her, but she was always hard to read.
“Jarrell this is not the 70’s or 80’s son, nobody gives a damn about what you do in your private life. I always taught yall to live free and respect people as well as yourself. I don’t care who you choose to sleep with, it’s your life and I’m obligated to love you no matter what, but even if I wasn’t I would still love you because you are my son. What I’m mostly upset about is that you didn’t bring the lil nappy head ass nigga over here to meet me yet.” She said throwing a piece of ice out her cup at me.
“I will Ma I promise but thank you for listening and understanding that this was hard for me to do.” I said picking up the ice off the floor.
“If you throw that over here I’m going to make you regret the day they cut yo ass out my womb. Don’t ever be afraid to come to me about anything, that’s what being a mom is all about, but don’t think that this is going to be a walk in the park because people are shallow minded when it comes to things and everyone is not going to accept you and your lover.” She said getting up off the couch.
“I know Ma but as long as I have yall by my side I can conquer anything.” I said flexing my muscles.
“Lil boy if you don’t get yo scrawny ass out of here thinking you tough.” She said laughing and walking back into the kitchen.
I spent a few more minutes with my mom before promising her to bring Trey to dinner tomorrow night. The only downside to that was I had to fix things between him and me before that could happen. I rushed over to his place and was surprised to see his car in the spot he parked it in the night before. I walked inside his apartment complex and took the stairs up to his floor, I could’ve taken the elevator, but I wanted to gather my thoughts before I saw him. When I got to his door, I heard a bunch of laughter and music coming from the other side. I guess he was still with his friends and the last thing I wanted to do was bombard on his good time. I turned around and walked back to the elevator, I heard a door open and from the sounds that were coming out the door, it was no doubt that it was Treyvon’s door.
“Jarell, where are you going and how long have you been out here?” Trey said walking towards me.
“I was coming to make up for earlier, but I see you have company, and I didn’t want to be a bother.”
“Oh, so now you wanna chill, you had all damn day to do that ‘homie’.” He said being petty.
“I know you mad at me but bae I really did have to take care of something very important but it’s all over now and I’m all yours.” I said smiling.
“You aint cute nigga, what the hell was so important that you blew me off Jarell without even calling to tell me you made a change of plans and who in the hell were you fighting with?” He said folding his arms.
“Last question first……. Aaron and me had a lil disagreement about somethings and it ended up with us fighting. Which brings me to your first question, you know what on second thought……. Just call me when yo people leave and I can come back over to talk to you about everything.”
“Or how about this, you can bring yo ass inside and talk to me about it now, they are about to leave anyway.” He said as his friends started piling out his apartment. “I’ma go make sure they good and I will be back in a moment, I’m serious Jarell I wanna know everything.” He said walking to catch up with his crew.
I walked into his apartment and damn near lost my mind because there was shit everywhere. Call it OCD or whatever but I couldn’t stand stuff all over the place, it made me uncomfortable. Before thinking to much on it, I grabbed a trash bag and started cleaning up the mess he and his friends made. I planned on staying here tonight and if I was then there was no way in hell I was sleeping in a junky place.
“Damn, you wasn’t going to give me a chance to clean up my own mess before you start trashing shit?” He asked looking at me. “If I would have known you was coming over I would have been started but these kinds of things happen when there is no communication.” He said rolling his eyes, and started to help me clean up his place.
“I know, and I promise you that things are going to change from here on out.”
“Whatever, now as you were saying outside about your whereabouts today.”
“Oh yea, well I was doing some soul searching and I made a decision about my life about where and what I wanted to do.”
“Such as?” he said looking me in the eyes.
“Let’s sit down so I talk to you properly……… First things first……… we been together for over a year now and you know that I love you to death and back again.”
“Yea and I love you too but get too…….”
“You going to let me finish or what?” I said smiling and he punched me in the chest. “The decision I made was for more of me than it was you, but I hope you……… well I think you will appreciate it.”
“Will you just tell me already and stop beating around the bush because you are making me nervous.”
“Ok damn……… I decided to come out to my family and the people that was close to me. Aaron didn’t take it too well and said some shit that was foul, and we ended up fighting. Chris was cool about it tho……. Almost to cool if you ask me. I said reflecting on our conversation from earlier.
“Babe I never put any pressure on you to come out, I was perfectly fine with the way things were, I know what I was signing on for when we first started this thing.”
“Yea I know but I did it because I wanted to do it, so we can be more open and not sneaking around with our relationship and me eating your booty every day.” I said and got hit again.
“They didn’t trip in fact they already knew, my mom saw us at the movies last week, she said she was out on a date and saw us holding hands.” I said laughing.
“Wow, I don’t know what to say baby, I never wanted you to feel pressure to come out for me, I guess I was just in my feelings that day you introduced me as one of the fellas.”
“Yea I know but it made me think, I’m tired of keeping my love for you a secret and lying about what we have together. The love that I have for you goes deeper than some bullshit DL situation.”
“Aww, I love you too but if you really want to solidify our love……… move in with me.” He said kissing me.
“I’m positive, now that we don’t have to hide who we are I think that’s the next best thing to do and besides we can fuck like rabbits all day and night if we want to and you don’t have to sneak off like you used to do.” He said smacking me again.
“I like the sound of that, but let’s get this place cleaned up and then we can work on that ‘thing’ you were just talking about.” I said winking, he jumped up off the couch so fast I thought he was going to bust his ass. He started cleaning up and throwing stuff away like a man possessed. “Oh yea, my mama wants you over for dinner tomorrow night.”
“Ok that’s fine but right now we need to hurry up because I had a few drinks and I’m horny outta my mind.” He said biting down on his bottom lip. We finished cleaning up in record time and now it was time for some much-needed loving. I was overall happy about the decisions I made and the way they turned out. My baby was happy, my mom and siblings approved of him and our relationship, so it don’t matter what anyone else had to say or how they felt. From that day forward the only thing that mattered was me and my boo facing whatever comes our way together without the restrictions of being in the closet.
(Pictures used does not reflect the actual Characters just as visuals for the story)
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