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now you might THINK your mom is sending you to death fuck ghost castle to be baked like a meat pie in a clay oven but actually you will find Harrenhal is both not melted AND perfectly safe. It’s actually really cozy, you should come here :)

Having a Minotaur Boyfriend would be so fucking funny

I had to draw it HELP

In order to be properly non-pedophilic you have to want to fuck somebody old but not with gray or white hair because that's too close to blonde which as we've established is the hair color of children. So ideally somebody old as fuck but bald. And obviously wanting to have sex with a man is misogynistic so it has to be a woman. And it can't be a white woman because that would be racist and it can't be a woman of color because that would be fetishistic, so ideally a woman with some unnatural skin color, oh let's say, purple. But it can't be an alien, because we don't know anything about alien life cycles so it could be an alien child or an alien that looks like a child. So it has to be an animal from Earth, but obviously one of human level intelligence that can communicate is otherwise that would be bestiality. So an old purple female animal that can speak English. I think the only creature you can be hot for is the Ant Queen from A Bug's Life.

Been thinking a lot about why VeggieTales is so unironically good when so much Christian media just completely sucks and what makes VT different, and honestly I think it boils down to the fact that VT is focused SO much less on evangelizing or spreading fear. There aren't any VeggieTales episodes telling kids to go convert their friends or they'll go to hell– I don't think they ever mention or imply hell at all. (Note that I stopped watching around, like, the early 2010s, when the og creator left and the specials started to suck.) The general idea of the morality tales isn't "sin is bad because it makes God hate you and send you to hell," it's "sin is bad because it hurts yourself or others and that makes God sad because he loves you and wants you to be happy." It's "spread God's love" not to convert everyone and make them go to Church, but because it's just the right thing to do to be nice to people. I think the only special that maybe got close to being evangelical was Easter Carol with the "if the church wasn't here this place would suck," but to be completely fair it was a Christmas Carol adaptation and you have to pull a Bad Future outta somewhere, and that ep was also very focused on focusing on the actual message of Easter and how it should inspire you to be kind instead of prideful.

Come to the Human Cuisine Restaurant, we have:

At the post office today: