Oh hi.

Sad flannel man. Back to where it started.

And he could ignore it, most days. But it was there, present, clinging poison. And it was his mother saying that to him. Can you imagine, your own parent thinking you're such a hopeless case, that failure was intrinsic to your bones that she'd rather save what could be saved, and let him drown.

Eddie couldn't really fault her for it. He tried so hard to live for Christopher, through war and blood and sand, through his own demons, through being buried alive, being shot in broad daylight. It wasn't a question that he'd die for him too.

Chris was worth that. Worth everything. That was his son, his baby. On the best and worst days, the only good thing that came from him.

There's something real debauched about Buck and Eddie in this picture and I am here for it.

Starting 2025 Right.

Also, yay. Buddie is #1 on AO3 ships for 2024.

Is Ramon gonna do it?

Is it gonna be that thing where Eddie figured everything out for himself? This lanky, awkward Eddie Diaz who's man of the house and had to half-raise himself, with nobody to teach him how to fucking shave except from cliches he saw on TV?

Buying cheap razors from the stores and using soap and water, because as long as it's foamy right? Dealing with nicks and cuts on his face, trial and error. Practice makes perfect, Eddie. You got this.

Is it gonna be another thing where Ramon and Helena have their do over son in Chris, and Eddie's left to pick up the bruised, bloody thing behind his ribs because he'd learn pretty fucking early that no one was gonna do it but himself?

Christopher being Eddie's son.

Stoic avoidance. The not talking about it. The fronting because he's okay and everything's fine.

Also the running away, can't forget that. He got that from Shannon and Eddie.

Unfortunately got Buck's nuclear option, everything collateral when he's hurting.

She was career-oriented, extremely driven, and passionate about her work.

Buck's pretty and jacked, and probably good at sex. But she could get a hookup crooking her finger at an intersection L.A. and have men, and women too, honestly, lining up for a chance.

And then I remember that Buck sued the entire LAFD to get his job back, and Taylor probably thought, huh. This one gets it. This one has that passion and drive for their career that meant going to pretty extreme lengths to get the job done.

And Buck was kind. He was kind, and that meant she could afford to be vulnerable. Give this commitment and relationship a try. And a partner who got it sounded novel. Novel and good.

Then it all crashed and burned anyway. They were fundamentally different, and the parts that made her take a risk on him were parts that Buck didn't like about himself.

With Eddie and Chris talking about first loves and such. It was beautiful and poignant and a real moment where Chris gets to learn about his dad, and Eddie gets to talk about Shannon when it was good and tinted rose gold of a new love.

It adds so much context.

With Kim and the boat and them being away from their friends? Just listening to her talk. Looking at her because he can't take his eyes away from her.

He's trapped in the past and conflating Shannon with Kim, and him recreating that memory was a warning sign and a cry for help. Jfc, his grief and guilt made manifest in what he thought as a second chance.

The universe fucking screaming.

And he knew. Eddie knew it was red flags and a mistake with that talk with Buck. Him saying he was worried about himself too.

The thing was though, he stopped. He put the breaks as soon as he could. It was unworthy for the love and memory of Shannon, and a disservice to Kim too.

But Kim came back and Eddie talked with the specter of his wife and Chris left.

And Eddie, jfc. As if he wasn't already having a running battle with all guilt he felt for dragging Chris down with him and Shannon leaving and not being enough for her and dying and feeling broken and breaking everything he loves...

The mustache...

It's been barely 24 hours. I am a changed man.

Also Buck likes it for some reason he couldn't really put a name to. And he goes on a research binge, and finds out that there's a historical reason why firefighters have mustaches in their early incarnation as civil servants.

It's Eddie Diaz at his most dramatic, right at the aftermath of the graveyard scene. And we had the Poker Date right before that.