━ bueller's second.

Oh, I had no idea you were carrying. How far along are you? Should you need any help, I’d be happy to help with whatever you need. School’s definitely keeping me busy, between getting my essays done and performance pieces, and work, I’ve been running around. 

Oh -- no, no, no! I’m not carrying. Unless it’s a food baby. In that case, I’m about three hours along and should be giving birth by tonight. I meant I wish I could blame it on pregnancy brain but you know, I’m not preggo. So I can’t. Have I mentioned I suck at words?

Do you like getting me worked up or something? Hmm? Enjoy watching? I can give you a closer look.

Really?

Well, if my memory serves me correctly, its going to have to be super up close and personal for me to even get a good look.

Oh no, I’m fine. I was just hangover for a couple of days, and a little sunburnt. 

Well, burning skin is no fun but as cute as you are, I’m sure you pulled it off quite well.

Oh, as much as I love your idea, I do believe there is such a thing as a peppermint spray. Unfortunately, it isn’t any weapon of defence but rather, a breath refresher? 

That was such a slow moment. I’d blame in on my pregnancy brain but I think my studies have pushed me to the edge where I can no longer think properly. Speaking of, how’s school going for you? I feel like I don’t see you too often these days. 

Way cooler than a gentleman, of course.

You come up with that by yourself?

@rainbownewman: Can someone bring me a giant platter of sushi like that would be fantastic right now? I'm starving!

You make it difficult to piss you off…  That’s no fun. I need to step up my game. The boner inducer? Seriously? That nickname is the verbal equivalent of a cold shower. There are better ways of restoring me, JoJo. I’m sure you know that.

Which makes it so much easier to frustrate you. 

Oh, my. Do excuse my confusion. I was drinking peppermint tea and mixed up my words. I do mean pepper spray. Well, yes, my parents are quite protective and I suppose when talking about such a scenario, I do have some advantages. 

Well to be fair, peppermint spray does sound pretty awesome. A little less lethal but still awesome. Maybe we shout patent it.

Yes, yes and yes. I’d say the making out was a given from the start, with everybody being so drunk and showing so much skin. And we did play a few rounds of spin the bottle too. The food poisoning was expected as well, or at least a crazy virus from swimming in that warm water for so long. 

Uh, that’s so not fun. You didn’t catch it did you? Are you okay?

Now that’s some time at the end of the tunnel. Next time you see her, let her know that I’d love a visit from her as well? 

It certainly was and to think, I for sure thought my guardian angel was going to be someone like Mr. Roger. I’ll be sure to let her know, but if she asks for tips after her performance, ask her about Jennifer Lopez.

Girl even if we were real sisters I would not do your homework for you but I’m always down for a sleepover. Speaking of which I feel like we haven’t hung out in forever. 

Oh, do excuse my lack of comprehension by your words but I did take away that you seem to have an overprotective father and loads of studying to do, I hope you managed your schoolwork well. I do know a thing or two about overprotective fathers, though. My Dad insists I carry peppermint spray in my bag at all times and I also have a direct line to his buddy in the police station and a nurse in the emergency department of Texas Gen. 

Peppermint spray? Why peppermint? I mean, I’m totally here for the idea of hitting attackers in the face with a minty blast but peppermint? That is protective but also sounds incredibly convenient. Just think, if you’re ever in a horror movie moment, you’ve got reinforcements waiting to be called. 

You should be. Usually, when you talk I just play salsa music in my head. That way I get the good view without the yapping. Brain drainage. I had a big project due, and I was mentally worn out. Like completely worn the fuck out.

Ghost Whitney would have just paid with ghost money. You’d lose money getting the ghostbusters to show up.

I completely understand your need to listen to the iconic stylings of Salsa music while I talk. Not many people can handle my voice. Someone once said it was a boner inducer. Who knew, right? Oh. That’s what you mean by brain damage. Hunter, what have I told you about using your brain for more than five minutes at a time? Drink some milk. Take a nap. Rinse and repeat. 

Math. I minor in dance though. I just haven’t made it official yet.

I mean, sure he had a hiccup or two, but unless he wants to meet his maker early, he’ll get on it, ‘cos trust, abuela is not afraid to clock a man twice her size and tell ‘em to get it together. It’s no biggie, really, thanks tho, Jo. 

That doesn’t mean I admit that - especially out loud. I mean if anything, he’s more Puss Boots when he’s got three pairs of side-eye sharp shooting his way, instead of Desparado, like he truly likes to think. 

I say take that sleep decade. Just tell ‘em you pricked your mouth on a whole bottle of Tequila and you’ve been out for the last three days; at least then he’ll be too distracted by the underage thinking to even try to bring up you getting a job. 

Anytime and seriously -- the club offer will always stand. 

Oh my God. You realize I have to meet Papa Lopez now, right? Like it’s on my bucket list. I’d say let’s get our dads together but I fear mine might convince yours to put on his player pants and have a go at the local bar.