wake me if you're out there

Sorry if that post sounded so dark i'm just wondering what to do

Alcohol ruined my fucking life but I still take responsibility. My view of it is very different than before though. I thought people were making excuses when they say it changes your brain and makes you not yourself. It's true though. I'm not such a cruel person at my core. But I kept choosing to go back to it because I was so miserable. I kept going back, knowing that it warped my mind. Giving in to desperation because I can't stand living in a world like this. I hate that I felt like I had no choice, just trying to stay alive by any means possible. But really it just made me want to die more. I was afraid to face reality. I'm still afraid. and now I have almost nothing left. And it feels like I shouldn't even bother starting over from scratch. My life was never really worth living in the first place.

V*ganism didn't make me an asshole, but alcoholism sure did.

Do they... You know...*flaps hands* listen to Owl City?