5mg of methylphenidate l8r: oooooh this is how people do it!

if you’re pushing 30 or older at what age does a girl become a woman when you’re referring to her? I personally feel like woman is like over 40/45.

my chronically unemployed economist father who’d drink 2 beers every night then call us into the kitchen to watch him ceremonially pour out the last 4 ounces so he could ingrain “when you’re done, you’re done” into our mushy brains.

any advertisement with “earn” and “freedom” in close proximity should just never make it past the first draft. like how does that not immediately conjure up nazi germany…

the accountant and the farmer. god im so fucking funny and that’s because you can’t even hear how id deliver it.

no but seriously if you were on the receiving end would you rather I hang out with you and genuinely have a good time then be like listen this won’t work OR not hang out with you at all even though you gave me job tips, one of which may have worked out?

bitches be soft.

I know we all live and make mistakes but when people don’t do their due diligence and then end up shocked and awed when avoidable shit happens I just cannot. like I’m not gonna sit here and be like omg how could that happen. which a lot of people want to hear.

the fact that marriage doesn’t upset a lot of people but mentioning a prenup does just lets me know what I need to know.

how do I follow 536 blogs and only see the accountant and the farmer, porn, and like some other shit.

where is the not stupid but not as smart as me boyfriend for whom I serve as reference and who is sweet and whom I can devour sexually and pour into in my own domineering yet reserved and oh so sexy way? I need INPUTS.

that one post that capacity2 made about like that girl at work who tells stories too long and unfunny and you can see her soul crash when she realizes people are once again gonna subtly ice her out—that’s this person.

Aside from that I think people who feel like nothing should feel like an obligation when it comes to relationships are insane.

why does life take so much time and energy. I see why people shack up with just anybody now.

that one weekend in chicago where the airbnb host didnt tell us the backdoor locks on its own so we got stuck out there and slept on the concrete patio and got mcdonalds delivered to the alley and my friend was ripping her hair out and the host would not wake up even though we stoned the window and banged on the front door ("sound machine and a faggoty drink before bed") and the neighbors went clubbing, woke up for church, then went to work and we were still out there >>>