No regrets.

He shuffled across the thick carpet, pausing at the doorway.

“Close your eyes,” she said.  

His stomach fluttered. He closed his eyes.

She wrapped her soft fingers in his and led him forward onto the cool tile. “Alright, go ahead and open ‘em.” 

“Woah,” he gasped. 

A Captain America costume hung from the shower curtain rod. Not the cheap, plasticky kind from the pharmacy or the slightly nicer pajama style you found at Halloween stores. This was thick, well-stitched material. The colors were the correct shade. It even had padding for the biceps and abs that didn’t look like foam stuffing. A shield with some heft hung from a strap next to the costume. This was custom-made by someone who knew what they were doing. Someone who cared.

“Really?” He said. “For me?” 

She laughed. “Unless you know someone else who wants a Captain America costume with extra room sewed into the seat for a big ol’ diapie.” He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face against her warm neck. “Thank you. I love it.”   

She kissed the top of his forehead. “There are a couple of Comic-Con tickets in my bedroom that go with it. I thought you might like to show it off.” 

He felt his smile grow even wilder. “You’re the best. The absolute best.” 

“There’s just one thing I need you to do, cutie-patootie. I want to be sure you get years of enjoyment out of it.” 

He broke free of the hug and nodded vigorously. “Of course. I’ll hang it up in my closet whenever I’m not using it.” 

“I’m more worried about stains and smells.” 

“I won’t wear it when I’m eating, either.”

She stepped aside, revealing something else. A potty training chair. Blue plastic with a foam-padded seat. Someone had put superhero stickers all over it.  

“What’s that?” 

She chuckled. “It’s been that long since you’ve seen a potty, hhhmm? Forgot what they are?”

“Do I…I have to potty train to wear the costume?” He adored the outfit, but not enough to give up his diapers and everything that came with them.

“Of course not! I love you being my lil squishbutt. Besides, you really think you could?” 

Kevin shrugged. “Probably.” 

“Are you forgetting the accident you had at Whole Foods last week? You peed down your jeans into your sneakers. And the week before that, you soaked your car seat and I had to put the cushions through the wash. Does that ring a bell, mister?” 

Kevin blushed. “I thought you wanted me to be your squishbutt.” 

“Sweetie, I do. You are my squishbutt. That’s the point. I just don’t want…” She bit her lip. Sucked in a deep breath and exhaled. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I don’t need any more accidents like you had at my sister’s.” 

Dinner at Sarah’s had been a disaster. One of the worst nights of his life, in fact. It was the first time he’d been to Sarah’s house since she’d discovered his hidden stash of diapers and broken off their relationship in a fit of crying and accusations. The first time he’d talked to her since he’d gone off the deep end, sending increasingly depressed and desperate texts. Buying her expensive gifts she’d return or throw away. Leaving long, late-night voicemails. 

Beth had intervened to keep him from fully imploding. She’d shown up on his doorstep one evening with a tray of cookies and a warning that he needed to give her sister space. She’d been kind. Understanding. She’d actually listened to his side of things. Concerned for her sister, yes, but also for the guy who had his diapers and onesies dumped on the living room floor. Empathy led to friendship. Friendship had blossomed into something more—something special and amazing. 

Beth had maintained her relationship with her sister. But until Sarah extended the olive branch of dinner, Kevin kept his distance. Dinner with the two of them had been awkward but basically fine. Lots of small talk about the meal, the weather, and Sarah’s work. She started to open up around dessert time, even making a half-hearted joke about his ‘pampers’ that only partially turned his heart inside out. Then he’d peed all over her couch. A sudden, soggy mess that had ended with Sarah snapping and him hiding in the car until Beth came out.  

“Since you’re so worried about leaks all of a sudden,” he snapped, “maybe you should buy me thicker diapers.”

Mommy raised her eyebrows. “Or maybe I need to put you down for a nap, and we can talk about this later when you’re not so cranky.” 

He threw his hands in the air. “You don’t want me to potty train, but you bought me a potty chair. And you don’t want me to leak, but you won’t get me thicker diapers.” 

“Don’t be silly. You know this mama buys the thirstiest dips they’ll sell me. And half the time, I add a stuffer for your soggy butt, too. It’s not that.” 

He stared, waiting. 

“You need to stop holding on, Kevin.” 

“I’m not holding anything. I haven’t used the toilet in…I don’t even know how long.”

She sighed. “You’re not listening to what I’m saying. You wait and wait like you’re still using the potty, and then you flood all at once. You’re not going to use the potty again, mister. Well, except for this one, and you’re keeping your diaper on for that. So it’s time to stop holding on to your potty training.”  

“I know that,” he said. “I don’t want to go back.” 

“Really? Because it seems like you’re clinging to that bit of control. Thinking that if you wake up one day and decide you want to go back to your old life, go back to my sister, that’ll still be possible, so as long as you’re still potty trained. You need to let go.” 

“No way. I’m not holding on to anything. And definitely not holding onto anything with Sarah.” 

“Mmmhmm…”

A moment of silence hung between them.

“So you’ll indulge this mama?”

He shrugged. “Fine. Sure.” 

She smiled and patted his diapered butt. “Alright, then. If you don’t want me to return that costume and those tickets, you need to use your new potty every time anyone uses the big potty today.” 

“Seriously?”

“That’ll get you used to going more often. And if you’re going when I am in, it’ll help both of us remember that you shouldn’t be holding it.” She drew up her dress, pulled down her panties, and sat on the toilet.  

Kevin stared. He’d never seen her naked. Not from the waist down, anyway. Their relationship wasn’t like that. On special nights, she took off her top and let him nurse while she stuck a hand down her panties. She slapped his hand and called him a bad baby the one time he’d tried to put his hand in her panties.  

“Leave your diaper on and sit on Mr. Potty,” she said. 

Kevin looked at the potty training chair. Big, as far as these things went, but still tiny for him. This wasn’t a problem. A bit silly, but not a problem. He hadn’t been holding it like she said. He didn’t want to go back to his old life. And he definitely didn’t want to go back to Sarah. Thinking about her twisted him into knots. 

He lowered himself onto the foam seat. “Happy?” 

Mommy placed three fingertips against the front of his dry diaper. A moment later, he heard the tinkle of her peeing. 

“So what am I supposed to do, exactly?” he asked. 

“Stop holding it. Just let go whenever you feel the urge.” 

“Oookkkay. What if I don’t feel the urge now?”

“You do.”  

“I don’t.”

“Kevin.”

He sighed and closed his eyes. He thought about waterfalls. Hoses. Sprinklers. 

“I can’t,” he said.

She started humming the tune to Itsy Bitsy Spider. 

“What are you doing?”

“The itsy bitsy boy bits taped in the diaper fluff. 

Down poured the pee-pee and soaked the baby’s stuff. 

Out came his mummy, who changed his soggy seat. 

And the itsy bitsy boy bits were dry for half a beat.”

Kevin smiled reluctantly. That was cute. And clever. Just like his Mommy. 

“Come on, sweetie,” she said. “Sing along with me.” 

He shook his head.

“Don’t be shy. The itsy bitsy boy bits…”

“...taped in the diaper fluff,” he sang quietly. 

“Down poured the pee-pee and soaked the baby’s stuff.” 

“Out came his mummy, who changed his soggy seat.” 

“And the itsy bitsy boy bits were dry for half a beat.”

As if on cue, warmth enveloped the front of his diaper. Washing over his balls. Soaking the seat. He opened his eyes.

Mommy smiled down at him. “What a good boy you are for Mama.” 

***

“How’s my cutie-patootie doing?” Mommy Beth asked.  

Kevin sprawled out on his nursery floor, reading a Conan comic. Mommy stood in the doorway to his nursery, a bottle of juice in hand. He’d just finished his first bottle of apple juice a few minutes ago and wasn’t the least bit thirsty.

She knelt down next to him and placed a hand between his legs. “You haven’t wet again since you sat on Mr. Potty, have you?” 

He shrugged. “You haven’t either.” 

She giggled. “You’re right. But mama isn’t in diapers, is she?” 

“No.” 

“Well, I’ve been chugging water, so we’re going to have lots of chances to work on this together. Come on, let’s go.” 

“I don’t want to. I’m reading.” 

“Sweetie, I’m not asking. Come on.” 

He sighed and stood up. “Fine.” 

Once again, Mommy pulled up her dress and sat on the toilet. He sat down next to her on his ridiculous plastic potty. His knees poked up awkwardly. The tile was cold on his feet. He didn’t miss being in here at all. She was crazy if she thought he wanted to go back to the way things were. He leaned back, and a staticky flushing sound came out of a speaker on top of the plastic potty. 

“No flushing until you’ve made your tinkles, you little cheater.” A moment later, he heard the gentle patter of her peeing. 

“This is dumb,” he said. 

Mommy started humming. 

“Mama had a little lamb 

His diaper white as snow

Every time that mama went

Baby had to go 

He held his tinkles in one day 

Lamby broke the rule 

Now naughty Lamby’s back

In diaper training school”

Kevin grunted. 

“Come on, sing along with me,” Mommy cooed. 

“I don’t wanna sing, and I don’t wanna pee.” 

Mommy turned to him. “What happened to ‘I don’t have to?’ Now you don’t want to? See, baby, you are holding it.” 

“Shouldn’t matter if I’ve been holding it,” he said. “If you changed me more often, it wouldn’t matter.” 

Mommy frowned, and he instantly regretted his words. Still, it was true. He was already wet when he leaked at the store, in the car, and at Sarah’s. If he’d been dry, that wouldn’t have happened. 

She dabbed herself with toilet paper, flushed the toilet, and washed her hands, all without saying a word. She left the bathroom and came back a moment later with the full bottle of apple juice, a fresh diaper, and a stack of picture books. 

“What’s all that for?” 

She pointed at the floor. “Lie down. I’m changing your diaper.” 

He gave her his fiercest scowl and lowered himself onto the hard tile. “Why aren’t you changing me in the nursery? This isn’t comfy.” 

“You know, for a baby, you sure do like to be in control,” she said. She popped the tapes on his diaper and pulled it down. “When you use your diapers. Where you get changed. Next thing I know, you’ll probably be telling me when I’m allowed to use the bathroom.”

“It’s just not comfortable in here. That’s all.” 

She pulled the wet diaper out from beneath him, and his clammy bum connected with the chilly tile. “You should’ve thought of that before you blamed Mama for your leaks.” She slid a fresh diaper underneath him. “You’re staying in here until you’ve wet your diaper.” 

“What?! That’s not fair.” 

“I’ve brought you books, a fresh diapie, and something to drink. I expect you to drink all of the juice by the time I check on you.” She brought the front of the diaper up and taped it into place. “Now sit on that potty, mister.” 

He sat up and then flopped down onto the potty chair. 

She set the stack of books on his bare legs. “Take this time to learn a thing or two.” She left the room.

Kevin looked down. Danny Duckling Learns to Use the Potty. The cover showed a fluffy yellow duck with an even fluffier diaper around its waist. Kevin sighed and flipped open the cover. There wasn’t anything else to do, and he didn’t dare get up and leave.

“Danny Duckling was a sweet, clever duck. He loved to bake cookies with his mother, play catch with his brothers and sisters, and dance with his cousin Maisel Mallard.”

The page showed Danny, wearing nothing but a pink tutu and a fluffy white diaper, doing a pirouette in the living room. 

“But there was one thing Danny wasn’t good at yet: using the potty! Danny was tired of wearing a soggy diaper. He wanted to be a big duck, like his brothers and sisters.” 

The page showed a bunch of ducks playing ball in a field, all big smiles and levity, while Danny Duckling sat off by himself in a diaper. 

“But Danny Duckling was so very forgetful. Mother Duck would remind him to use the potty, but he’d get so distracted with his games and his puzzles he’d forget to hold his wee.”

Danny lay down on the floor, big diapered butt poking into the air, reading a book. His diaper had a tinge of yellow to it. 

“One day, Mother Duck decided to try something different. She took off Danny’s diaper and said he’d have to practice holding his wee, just like he practiced ballet with Maisel.” 

Danny stood in the middle of the room, sans diaper, with a worried expression on his face. 

“At first, he had lots of little accidents.” 

Danny, standing next to a puddle in the middle of the kitchen. 

“But just like dancing, the more he practiced holding his wee until he was on the potty, the easier it became.” 

Danny sitting proudly atop the potty. 

“Until one day, Danny didn’t have to practice anymore. He didn’t have to think about holding it at all - he just did!”

The final page showed Danny playing ball in the field with the other ducks.  

Kevin rolled his eyes. Did she really think he needed a children’s book to explain potty training, Kevin wondered. He dropped the book on the floor and looked at the next one. Mary Moongoose Does the Potty Dance. 

Kevin sighed. 

***

Mommy returned five books later. 

Kevin had grown bored with the books. Each one repeated the same theme over and over again, each with a different cutesy character: if you wanted to potty train, you needed to practice holding your pee. 

“How’re you doing cutie-patootie,” Mommy asked. 

“Fine,” he said. He’d been rehearsing his response. At first, when he was still angry with her, it was going to be nasty. Something about how she was torturing him. About how his stomach was uncomfortable from being all bunched up. About how his knees were stiff. He’d show her how the potty seat, soft as it was, left red marks on his thighs. 

But the longer he sat there, the less angry he became. He wanted to make her happy; he just needed to show her that this was totally unnecessary. He pointed at the stack of books. “Pretty sure I’ll be potty trained soon,” he joked. “If a duck, a mongoose, a giraffe, and an alien can use the toilet, I can.” 

“Ha! Sure. And I’m running a marathon next week.” 

She bent over, hands on her knees. Long, light brown hair falling around her face. Her large breasts— ‘nursies’ they both called them now—hanging low in her shirt. “And how’s that diaper, hmmmm? I see you’ve finished another bottle of apple juice. I hope that’s not hurting your tum-tum.” 

“Haven’t really had to go.” He paused. “Well, maybe a little.” 

She gently squeezed the front of his diaper. The plastic crinkled. “Dry as when I left you. Don’t tell me you don’t have to pee after that whole bottle.” 

He blushed. She was right. He did have to go. And he had been holding it without thinking. 

“Alright. Mama is going to sing you another diaper training song, baby.” 

Kevin groaned.

“I want you to relax and soak your diapie for me.” 

“I'm a little pee-pot

Short and stout

Taped in a diapie

Never let out

When I have to wee-wee

I start to pout

Tickle my tummy, and the wee pours out”

Nothing. 

“Okay, let’s try again,” Mommy said. “Sing along with me.”

“I’m a little pee-pot…”

“...I’m a little pee-pot.” 

“Short and stout…”

“...Short and stout.” 

Warm wetness splashed against the inside of the diaper, making a faint hissing sound. 

Mommy kept singing. “Taped in a diapie, never let out.” She gave the squishy front of his diaper a gentle squeeze. 

Kevin moaned contentedly and kept wetting. He’d needed to go. Badly. 

“When I have to wee-wee, I start to pout. Tickle my tummy, and the wee pours out.” She let go of his diaper and tickled his bare tummy. 

Kevin giggled. 

“Alright, baby,” Mommy said. “Stand up. I want to show you something.” 

Kevin stood up. He swayed on his feet a bit after all that time sitting down. His soaked diaper hung heavy between his thighs. 

Mommy pointed into the potty. He didn’t need to look to see what she was pointing at; the moment he stood he felt the wet trickle that had snuck out of the leg gather and run down his thigh. Sure enough, there was a small, yellow puddle in the plastic potty.

Kevin blushed. “Oh.” 

“Yeah. ‘Oh.’ Let’s get you changed into a fresh diaper.” She didn’t lecture. Didn’t rub it in. Didn’t try to make him feel bad. “Then you can help Mama make dinner.” 

***

Kevin’s new diaper didn’t stay dry for long. 

He was spooning chocolate chip cookie batter onto a baking sheet when he felt a twinge in his bladder. The faintest bit of pressure. He went about his business, ignoring the sensation like he’d done his entire potty-trained life. 

He glanced over at Mommy. She hummed happily while chopping carrots for a salad. She didn’t want him to be potty trained. Not even a little. And he wanted to make her happy. Happier than any boy had ever made a girl. Happier than any baby had ever made its mama. 

He took a deep breath and relaxed. A trickle—barely noticeable—warmed the front of his diaper. 

“Is everything alright?” Mommy asked. She set down her knife and wiped her hands on her apron. “You look…I’m not sure.”

Kevin glanced down at his diaper. A tiny circle of wetness dotted the front. 

Mommy’s gaze tracked his. “Oh. Ohhh, I see,” she cooed. “You’re such a good boy. And cute as a button, too.” 

Kevin smiled from his soul upwards. 

They cooked together for the next hour. Laughing. Talking about TV shows. About which of the potty training books had the best artwork. About Mommy’s new coworker’s strange eating habits. Every time Kevin felt the need to pee, he let it happen. No big fuss, just a warm, comforting release. 

Mommy was taking the lasagna out of the oven when there was a knock on their apartment door. 

“Can you get the door, please, baby,” Mommy said.  

He’d put a t-shirt on but was otherwise just in his diaper. “Um…” 

“It’ll be okay. Get the door so I can wrap this up.” 

Kevin’s heart thump-thump-thumped in his chest. Maybe they’d received a package, and the delivery person dropped it off and left. But that didn’t make sense. Not on a Saturday evening. 

Knock knock knock 

“Come on, sweetie,” Mommy said. “Trust your mama. It’ll be okay.” 

Kevin opened the door. 

A stranger—some guy in his early thirties with a flannel shirt and closely cropped beard—stood there with a bottle of wine in his hand. Next to him, in a sun dress and those strappy sandals he loved, was Sarah. 

Sarah smiled hesitantly. “Hey, Kevin. It’s good to see you.” 

“Uh. Hey.” 

The stranger stuck out his free hand. His grip was firm. His hand calloused. “I’m Rob. Thanks for having us over for dinner.” 

“Come on in, guys,” Mommy called from the dining room. “The lasagna just came out of the oven.”

Kevin stepped to the side. Sarah gave him another smile as she walked past. A strange smile. Regret? Pity? Disgust?  

He followed after them. After the couple, he just now realized. This must be Sarah’s new boyfriend. Because of course she had a boyfriend. She was attractive. Smart. Funny as hell. She hadn’t frozen in time just because they’d broken up. 

He turned down the hallway. He needed to put pants on. Or better yet, go hide in his nursery. Or maybe throw himself out the window onto the pavement below. Splat: no more hanging out with his ex and her new dude. He needed to do something, anything, other than stand around in front of his ex-girlfriend in a wet diaper. 

“Baby, can you get the salad dressing out,” Mommy called. 

Kevin stopped in the hallway. “I’m not feeling very well. I’m going to my nurs—my bedroom.” 

“Don’t be shy, sweetie,” Mommy said. “Come and have din-din with the rest of us.” 

His stomach twisted into a knot. “I’m not feeling great.” 

Mommy appeared a moment later in the hallway. “What’s the matter, baby?” 

“I’m just feeling…I don’t know. My stomach hurts.” 

“Sounds like someone needs to let go and make a stinky.” 

He shuddered at the thought of doing that with Sarah in the house. Sarah and her new guy friend. 

“I think it’s just nerves.” 

She cocked an eyebrow. “You sure? Because I’ll wait, sweetie. Then I’ll get you all changed into a fresh diapie so you can enjoy your din-din.”

He thought about pushing a mess into his diaper while Mommy watched. While Sarah waited in the other room. He could picture her and Rob sharing a knowing look. What if they heard something? Or worse, smelled it?

Kevin shook his head. “It’ll be fine. I think I’m just nervous.” 

Mommy wrapped him in a hug. “There’s nothing to be nervous about. I’ve explained everything.” 

“Okay.” 

Mommy gave him a last squeeze and returned to the dining room.

Kevin took a deep breath. She wasn’t going to let him hide in his nursery. Not yet, at least. She’d said it a dozen times: she was sick of dancing around what had happened between him and Sarah. She wanted to put the past behind them and move on with their new lives and relationships. After the disastrous dinner at Sarah’s, he assumed she’d given up on that. Realized it was unrealistic for him and Sarah to ever be friends. Apparently, he’d been wrong. 

He walked into the kitchen, eyes locked on the fridge. If he had something to focus on, he could get through a few minutes, at least. He grabbed the ranch and Italian dressing and brought them to the dining room. Mommy and the two guests were seated. A fresh bottle of juice and his favorite Spidey and Friends plate were in his usual spot. At least she hadn’t pulled out his high chair. It was bad enough she’d given him a baby bottle full of juice instead of the wine glasses everyone else drank from. 

“Thanks,” Mommy said when he put the dressing bottles on the table. She reached over and clipped his “Mommy’s Messy Man” bib around his neck. 

“Do I have to—”

“Yes,” she cut him off. Not angry, but leaving no room for disagreement. They stared each other down for a moment, the silence hanging in the air.

“This looks fantastic,” Rob said. “Thanks again for having us over.”

Mommy turned to him. “You’re more than welcome. I’m glad we could finally make it work.” 

Sarah gave her sister a strained smile. 

She hadn’t wanted this either, Kevin realized. And why would she? She’d been as hurt as him when they broke up. He’d kept a huge secret from her, and then, when it all blew up, he’d started a relationship with her sister. 

For a few blessed moments, the only sound was the tinking of forks. Rob broke the silence. “So, uh, do you ever eat baby food, or…?” 

Kevin’s innards squirmed again. Nerves or needing to poop? Both?

“Rob,” Sarah chided.

“No, it’s okay,” Mommy said. “It’s only natural there’d be curiosity. To answer your question, Rob, no, he eats adult food. Unless he’s being pilly and complaining about what I cooked.” 

“Nobody likes Brussels sprouts,” Kevin muttered.

Rob laughed. “I’m with you there.” 

“I think that’s one of the special things about our relationship,” Mommy said “I can help him make good decisions. Like eating healthier. Not that I don’t spoil him with treats, too. Isn’t that right?”

Kevin didn’t answer. 

“Are you feeling okay, sweetie?” 

“Fine.” 

“You’re just making the face you make…you look uncomfortable. Remember what we talked about earlier? If you—” 

“I said I’m fine,” he snapped. “Pass me the lasagna.” 

She looked as if she wanted to say something more. 

Please don’t please don’t please don’t.

Mommy slid the lasagna tray closer to him. 

Kevin relaxed. Slightly. 

“Speaking of meals, I saw some wonderful pics from the two of you on Instagram,” Mommy said. “That ink sauce pasta was wild! How was your trip?”

“Amazing,” Rob said. “The food was a highlight, for sure. We actually enjoyed Rome even more than Venice. Right, Sar?” 

“Hhhhmmm?” Sarah said. “Oh, yeah. The food was great everywhere, but we felt like there was more to see in Rome.” She glanced at Kevin, then back down at her plate. They’d talked about a trip to Italy when they were dating. Had even started looking at plane tickets and hotels a few weeks before it all imploded.

“Kevin and I haven’t been on any big trips. But later this year, we’re going to Comic-Con. The big one in San Diego. Maybe after dinner, you can show everyone your Captain America costume, hmmm?” 

He already felt like a dancing monkey; there was no way he was showing them his costume. “Sure. I guess.” 

“So he’s done the…he’s earned it?” Sarah asked. She sounded weirdly hopeful. 

“You told them?!” Kevin snapped. 

“I think everyone here has had quite enough of secrets, don’t you?” Mommy asked pointedly.  

Kevin’s cheeks flushed with heat. Anger. Embarrassment. He didn’t dare look at Sarah. Would she have a self-satisfied smirk? Would she be as angry as he was—at him? At her sister? He didn’t know. Didn’t want to know. 

Everyone ate in silence for a few moments. Then Rob brought up some stupid TV show they were watching, and Sarah chimed in. Soon, Mommy was talking about her current favorite reality TV show, which was about squatters in Detroit who were dating. Or something like that. Kevin pulled back into himself, letting them carry on without him. If he didn’t look down at his exposed diaper, he could imagine he was at a regular dinner party. Like he and Sarah used to host for their friends. And it felt good. Or at least okay. 

The conversation rambled across Sarah’s new job, the Patriots' terrible season, and how Rob finally fixed Sarah’s drippy bathroom sink. They talked about the crazy housing prices, horror movies, and the new Dunkin’ down the street. Kevin dipped into the conversation. Sporadically, at first. Chiming in only when Mommy would prompt him or Rob would ask a question. Then more regularly as time went on. Sarah mostly ignored him. Twice, he caught her staring at him with an expression he couldn’t place, but then she’d looked away. Eventually, the conversation returned to Italy and then Greece. 

“We’d love to see Athens in the spring,” Rob said, “when the sea fig flowers are in bloom.” 

“That sounds lovely,” Mommy said. 

“Just need to save up some money,” Rob said. “Tickets aren’t cheap.” 

“Well, you should save a bunch once you’re living together,” Mommy said. 

“Wait,” Kevin said. “You’re moving in together?” 

Sarah frowned. “Yes, Kevin. Rob is moving in with me.” 

“Isn’t that…I don’t know, soon?” 

Her frown deepened. “On what planet is my relationship with my boyfriend any of your business? And no, it’s not soon. We’ve been dating for nine months now.” 

“Nine months?!” Kevin slid his chair back and stood up. “We broke—” He stopped, as the roiling storm in his guts finally let loose.

Sqqqqqwwwwssshhhhhrrrr

The mess rushed out, filling his diaper. He wanted to stop. Needed to stop. But he couldn’t. Not now. It was too late. The mound grew, pushing the seat of his diaper down. Down. Down. 

Rob’s fork hovered halfway between his face and plate. His mouth hung open. Sarah stared wide-eyed, then looked away.

“Oh, sweetie,” Mommy said. She stood up and took his arm. “Let’s go get you changed.”

Kevin let her lead him away from the table like the doddering old uncle who’d had a drink or three too many at Thanksgiving. He felt drunk. All the bad parts of it, at least. In a daze. Unable to think straight. He could feel Rob and Sarah’s eyes on his sagging diaper. He could practically see the stink that trailed behind him.  

Mommy led him into the nursery and laid him down on his changing mat. “Baby, I know that must have been embarrassing for you. If you’d listened to Mommy and—” 

“I know,” Kevin said quietly. “I know.” 

***

Kevin walked into the living room. He hated the way his thick, nighttime diaper pushed his legs apart, forcing a slight waddle. At least it was clean and dry.

Rob sat in the armchair, scrolling on his phone with a glass of wine in hand. Sarah was on the couch, staring off into space. They turned and looked up when he walked in. 

Kevin sat down on the other end of the couch from Sarah. “Sorry about that. In the dining room, I mean.” 

Sarah stared at him. 

“It’s okay,” Rob said. “Beth’s explained stuff. Your relationship and all.”

Kevin swallowed hard. Swallowed again. “And, uh, I’m sorry that I blew up about you two moving in together. You’re right: that’s none of my business.” 

Rob cleared his throat and stood up. “I’m gonna see if Beth needs a hand with the dishes.” 

“I should’ve told you,” Sarah said after he left. “Or told Beth so she could tell you. I just hate this game of telephone. And I know Rob moving in, after what happened with us…”

They sat in silence. 

“Were you ever going to tell me?” Sarah asked quietly. 

Kevin nodded. “It just never seemed like the right time, you know? When things were good, I didn’t want to screw it up. When we were going through a rough patch, I didn’t want to make it worse by bringing up this whole....thing.”

Sarah let out a long, slow sigh. “Yeah. I can’t promise it would’ve gone well.” 

Kevin didn’t respond to that. He didn’t need to. 

“Then you opened the box, and…that was that,” he said. “Seems like it all just snowballed so fast.”

“Maybe next time you’re moving in with a girl, and you don’t want her to open your big, heavy box of secrets, don’t write ‘tax receipts’ on it. No one has that many receipts, Kevin.” She chuckled.

Kevin chuckled along with her. 

Their eyes met. Kevin took a deep breath. “He makes you happy, though? He’s good to you?” 

She nodded, her expression suddenly serious. “Very. And Beth…you’re sure this is what you both want?” 

“More than anything.” 

She smiled. The first real smile of the night. 

“So you guys fixed that stupid sink?” Kevin asked. 

Sarah winced. “Would you believe we just had to tighten one thing?” 

“No shit. Really?” 

“Yup. Took like two minutes.”

Kevin chuckled.  “I never was much of a plumber. Oh, hey—did the Firth’s ever sell their place?”

“Uuuugggghhhh. Yes. And a bunch of fratboys moved in. It’s awful. They play this loud music half the night, except it’s not really even music. It’s just, like, bass?” 

“That’s like our neighbors downstairs.” 

Sarah leaned back. “So, tell me about that.” 

“About what?” Kevin asked.

“About…everything, I guess. Everything I’ve missed.” 

***

Kevin felt her before he saw her. Mommy. 

She leaned over and kissed his forehead. “You two all caught up?” 

“Did you know Coasters burned to the ground?!” Kevin asked. “Gone. There’s a fucking Walgreens there now.”

Mommy chuckled. “Maybe you need to read the news once in a while, baby.” She looked at Sarah. “Or maybe we all need to hang out a bit more often?” 

Sarah smiled. Nodded. 

Mommy leaned in close. Whispered in his ear. “Do you need a change yet, or can you wait until they leave?” 

He turned to look up at her, confused. Then he felt it: that warm heaviness in his diaper. When had he done that?

Mommy smiled and gave him a quick wink.

He grinned back at her. Shrugged. “I can wait.”