Weary Eyes & Tired Minds

I haven’t posted on here in over a year, but this is one of those “things” I always want to never forget and can look back on in the future by just scrolling through my Tumblr.

With every guy I’ve dated, at some point in the relationship, we talked about our futures together. But, for some reason, having this talk with Adam right now, just fills me with butterflies - the feeling he gave me over 6.5 years ago when we just started dating.

We’ve agreed many years ago that we’d wait - to move in together, to buy a house, to get married, and to start a family. Not because we aren’t sure about our relationship - because we KNOW we want to continue spending the rest of our lives together - but because financial commitment like that isn’t something we both want yet. We want to travel together, continue working towards our careers, and experience our youth before settling down - and we don’t need a legal document of “marriage” to continue being emotionally and physically devoted to each other. A mortgage, a wedding, and starting a family are VERY financial constraining and we have not been ready to make those things a priority in our lives yet

But I’ve noticed recently that Adam’s been thinking about all those things a lot. And deep down, so have I.

It’s overwhelming to think that, for once in my life, I feel so full -

full of love full of happiness full of gratitude full of hopefulness for the future

After such a horrible journey I went through with depression in 2017, I am so happy that 2018 has been so good to me so far.

When you break a bone, everyone tells you that you should go to the hospital and get it checked out. When you have a mental break down, everyone tells you that it will pass and you will get over it. 

I used to talk so much on here about these “walls” I build up to protect myself, but as I got older and started being selective with who I surrounded myself with, I no longer felt the need to keep my walls up. For once in my life, I am finally feeling content with being fully open with who I am. I feel so much more confident in myself, in my life choices, in the people I surround myself with, and in where my life is going.

I used to always write about the emotional pain and drama I was in; but it is so refreshing, now, to be able to celebrate something, on here, for once.