god is jennie

           「  SOURCE:   TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF MY MUSE !                 STATUS:    (ALWAYS) ACCEPTING !                                 」

                                    CURRENT RECIPIENT: JKBAWS !

The younger fusses over the apology, hands hovering in front of her frantically. It wasn’t necessary and it was the last thing she wanted to hear from the other, especially when it was the friend that needed Jennie’s aid and she couldn’t exactly deliver. It was her who felt sorry, yet she couldn’t express that thought either since she very well knew it would be a back and forth of denying each other owed apology out of courtesy.

This way, she tries to empathize once again. And to think — to simply think — and to truly think is to take another’s standpoint, and to reflect on what actions could potentially benefit or be of harm for. Ironically, then, she feels sorry over herself because in another side of the story, Jennie was just as helpless. Only it was masked through her attempts of being heroic. The drawback of her colors being vibrant was how it immobilized her from being anything else but hues that stick out; she was a prairie in the vastness of wheat, unable to hide in plain sight. She can say she understands again and again, but she wasn’t a herd animal. This light she has in her, she couldn’t bring to where it was dark. That dark place is far away from where she is now and even vegetables or fruits can’t help her memory form a picture of it.

One thing she can see eye to eye with Jieun was how she feared being at the mercy of her emotions, how she can’t let people in. Though she might try to share a piece of her sometimes, she was just wired that way. It was never on purpose and never about anyone else but herself. She can see it in action at this instance; Jieun was trying. It was like looking at a mirror.  As much as Jennie wanted the police to do their jobs, it seemed like a battle best fought another day. She didn’t know much and respected that she wasn’t supposed to know. Eventually she’ll persuade it out of her, and with permission.

At that moment, everything seemed to be at a state of tranquility. An unsolved puzzle felt completely flawless to her, as if she need not go out of her way to find all the other pieces. There was no one here but the two of them — spirited away by all that is cruel in the world. “Surely someday,” she says plainly with a knowing smile and leaves it at that because it was easier said than done. Her hand rests over Jieun’s, just as reassuring her touch was, and soothing. “But for now… you wanna get out of here?”

A part of her died when she was swept away from her home, taken from the colors of the earth into a world full of darkness. she was in darkness for so long, first fighting and then stopping all at once. the faith she had inside her, shouted at her for being so weak and letting something crueler than death hurt her like it did. she winced at the memories, flooding in all at once yet after a second all of it faded into numbness. then she realized just how much she’s gone through, and how far she’s come. one moment she was alone in a world that kept moving as she did, and then another she was surrounded by people who loved her. “There’s a difference from before and now.” She remembered all the faces she’s seen in her life, everyone who died while she lived on. everyone who knew what she was and still loved her, yet the pain of losing them made her weak and fearful of letting people in. Yet time and time again, her human emotions got in the way. they waged a siege war against the walls of her heart, and they won every time. She would become fond with another face then another until they were just stories in her unwritten novel. her heart swelled when jennie consoled her, doing all that she could to help her in her time of need. she could see a part of herself in the younger girl, and it hurt her that she did. she wanted to know what her story was inside and out, but that was for another time. she didn’t want another sad chapter to be written out in their book. She wanted warmth, fondness, and loyalty to one another that she knew jennie felt as well.

“Yes, I’d like that.” She smiled, gripping onto jennie’s hand to let her know that she knew she was trying too. they were both trying to fight their own demons, but they didn’t have to do it alone. they weren’t alone anymore as long as they had each other. and as long as they had trust in each other, what could go wrong? “Let’s go somewhere that’s not here. anywhere but here.”

far off eyes and an expression devoid of emotion, she speaks through with a grave tone. “he probably can’t carry his weight very well…” her face then transitions into a suppressed smile with a titter ready for escape. she doesn’t do well holding it back, almost spitting out in the intensity of the laughter she dissolves into. her stomach shakes as she fights a new gale of giggles. her laughing was like ripples in a still pond after a stone has been thrown in. it radiated outwards through the dark alley which had up until that moment been quite silent. soon the ripples of laughter became great waves of hilarity. it wasn’t even that funny. if anything, it was just mean picking on someone’s weight. where this was coming from was open to question, but she sure does not do drugs. not before, not now, not ever (hopefully).

the phone hanging loose on her shaky hand finds it place back inside her back pocket. shoulders shrug at the inquiry posed. at this point, she’s lost it. the streak had her in the zone, but now she’s but a mess, reeking of alcohol. it was hitting her. they did have a lot of rounds and reckoning that it was through his wallet that they were able to have as much as they did, she savored it. who knows when he’ll be generous again, considering even then it was done in condition to losing rather than his own will. “whatever.” she dismisses it quickly, unable to really form a coherent answer to give him.

she heaps a scorn on his remark, knowing well he wouldn’t have gotten that score had the events transpired another way. “sure,” is all she says, leaving it at that and letting him believe he had a chance. the alcohol doesn’t have any kind of substance that makes a person more arrogant than they normally are but this was one of the effects for jennie. it was evident from the constant bragging she had done through her winning streak and it doesn’t stop there. she has brought it along with them, rest assured it’ll be part of the rest of the journey to the next bar and on the way home. thoughts (or lack, thereof) scatters away when his hand grips at her wrist once again, a little more gently this time. still, it startles her as senses had shot up in her state of intoxication.

the sway of her body was uncontrolled, thus, his pull results in her back hitting the wall that they had been taking cover with. she winces in pain though soon prompted by the urgency in his gesture, she shushes herself as well, placing her forefinger, or rather pushing it against her lips that were shut tight along with her eyes. she continues to whine either way, albeit softly as her fingers gently pinch at the muscle in her back.

distracted with his nudge, she pauses on pinching and tiptoes to peer towards the direction he was pointing out with his mocking grin. “front would be wild and hilarious,” she says it without considering what she was encouraging. it takes a while but when it actually does register, her eyes widen and suddenly her hand grabs at his arm. “wait, oh my god. are you really doing this?” save for the fact that he might get caught and she’ll likely be tangled in much more mess than what they’ve already gotten themselves into, her principles still try to break through her drunken daze. “okay, i’ll stay back. go ahead.”

maybe not enough.

a light pole flashes a distant flicker of light, an imperceptible eeriness flooding the alley. raw matter is perceived differently at unripe hours of the night, time itself petering out outside the normal measurements. neither fast, nor slow, just a pace only those still awake at 2 am may sense. perhaps you do unconsciously step into a different dimension, or maybe his special power is acting up, faintly warning him of an imminent danger. jae would normally trust his instincts, because they rarely if ever lie, but not when his system has been overridden by the aftermaths of alcohol. insufficient information. unable to take a rational decision. press delete.

delete and restart.

“you see, i may have lost count of how many bottles i drank, but there were many. how many? who the fuck knows. but there were many, trust me”, queuing the events as if she hasn’t been by his side the whole evening, he’s even pulling her closer with a sleazy arm thrown over her petite shoulders. “i was with this friend, playing… badminton? no. i lie! we played pool. she beat my ass, but don’t tell anyone. i have a reputation and ego to keep. but if we played badminton, i would have wiped the floor with her.” dropping a confused glare on jennie’s face, it takes him a couple of seconds to process the image before his eyes, until the wheels inside his brain finally start spinning the right way. “oh hey! never mind what i said. the girl was you.”

his tacky words are slowly dissipating in the silence of the night, plush lips pursing into a thin line, tension bubbling up. it’s now or never; revenge requires no second chances, so he’s gently releasing jennie from his embrace and tiptoes his way towards the hulk’s car. a beautiful specimen he must admit, although he’d probably recommend a much more thorough cleaning of the windows. and he’d also keep the customary hawaiian bobble-head girl somewhere next to the wheel as well. 

verdict: shit taste. a pretty car wasted on a guy with dry inclinations.

what started as a tawdry joke has now turned into a rather desperate nature call, the pressure on his bladder unbearable at this point. jae is a man who stays true to his words, no matter how crazy or stupid, so the leak is relaxing, relieving and invigorating even, although it hurts his heart a little to see such a nice car falling victim to such a vulgar act — even if it’s committed by him. he even made sure the windows are also nicely sprayed, since the mountain of muscles doesn’t bother to properly take care of it. serves him right. people with shit taste always have it coming.

it’s when he’s buckling his belt up that the door is forcefully slammed open again, however instead of jae’s bane it’s another man — much shorter, skinnier and surprisingly uglier, yellowed teeth exposed thanks to an intoxicated chesire-like grin. instead of paying attention to the guitarist, his attention is unfortunately drawn by jennie. seemingly a lonely and frail girl is a number one trophy for any man with needs.

well shit. thinks are starting to look bad, his inner system almost knocking him back into his sober state, because otherwise he might indirectly put his friend in danger. now or never, jae, now or never. after picking up a considerably solid rock off the ground (perhaps some piece of concrete which has fallen off these measly walls), he’s hurling it at the dwarfish man, successfully drawing out a long, pained groan.

it had been a while that she had noticed the stranger behind, following her steps. the lamplit avenue gave it away, their shadow casting on the concrete. it was why she couldn’t go straight to her destination. she wasn’t going to conveniently lead him to their company’s van. stalkers take drastic measures. memorizing license plates was the least of it.

jennie makes a turn at the corner. rookie mistake, because it only makes the situation apparent. this person was eager to chase after her. but she was desperate to get rid of them. she then starts bolting down the path like a real runner at the start gun, each one of her mighty strides were worth at least two of her normal ones. she was slightly athletic, what with all the dancing that she did in practice and the yoga that keeps her flexible among other benefits, but she didn’t know she could run this fast. and it only quickens in pace, the pounding noise of her shoes resonating off the walls of the alley with a clanging echo that matched her heart throbbing inside her chest with a thick fear. this can’t be another run in with a druggie. she’s done befriending those sort of people, and she didn’t mind not finding out who this pursuer is nor did she care for their actual intentions.

the first thing she spots at the end of the small detour was an innocuous bystander, nothing to do with her situation, no one she knew personally. it was just, what she would call, a fateful encounter. she approaches the male with urgency, and all he gives her was this dense look. on top of that, it was hard to make out what he was saying.

“are you two getting in or not?”

the driver’s yell triggers more adrenaline, giving rise to more rash decisions. this time, she hastily pushes him inside and lets herself in after. in all the rushing, she states an address to the driver so quick it sounds of a tongue twister. the engine revs and off the car goes. she turns to look through the window behind, finding the stalker to have given up on their trail and she sighs in relief, sitting slackened on the comfort of the car seat. her hood comes off and she fans herself with her hands. “thank god.” she whispers harshly to herself before finally giving a good glance at the male beside her. “oh, i’m sorry i pushed you like that… you’re okay, right?”

Tommy, still bemused at the encounter, stared silently before realizing the oddity of his reaction and snapped his gaze away. He looked onto the oncoming road, noticing the taxi driver taking regular looks at the two of them through his rear-view mirror. Blackpink, he thought, it really can’t be. But it was. 

It wasn’t like he was a big fan or anything. He recalled years ago how he became infatuated with Choa from AOA, the only girl group idol he had the slightest interest in. Once she began to step away from the public eye, his feelings dissipated. He never thought of himself as a loyal fan anyway.

But he knew Blackpink, because, well, who didn’t? His friends talked about them; they found them cute and talented for an idol group from a big entertainment company. He personally liked the songs produced and composed by Teddy Park, an inspiration (for lack of a better term) to Tommy.

“You’re okay, right?”

His face and ears felt hot, and probably looked it too. Likely from a combination of the beer, the heat, and being pushed into a revving car for being a babbling idiot. Tommy looked over to the girl, meeting her gaze. She was pretty, with a freckle above her eye.

“Yeah, of course,” he responded, his voice polite for once, “But…who was after you?”

The question lingered in the air. He was sure she didn’t know, so why did he ask? Regardless he was concerned for her well being. He knew what it was like to be persecuted at night. That was something he had not experienced in Seoul, though. Then again he was not a 20-something female sensation. 

the sarcasm earned an inward laughter from jennie. they at least were right up the same alley with their sense of humor; dark and slightly dry. she can appreciate and acknowledge that little by little they were getting somewhere in this game of getting to know each other. “leastwise it’s efficient. you have to give them that.” she mentioned with a smile still lingering before her gaze followed along the crowd that faded as their steps continued closer and closer to the building. no one seemed to go after them, not deliberately anyway. oh how she wished every crowd could exercise the same behavior wherever she went.

it then shifted to the surroundings that she attempted to get familiar with. attentive to the words of the acquaintance who walked in front of her, she uttered a closed-lip sound of agreement, or rather a simple recognition as ambiguous and non-committal as responses could go when you’re not quite decided on what to say just yet. she found herself shopping online for the best of her freer days, owing to the lack of privacy she now felt burdened by entailing her career choice, so she couldn’t really say for sure she would have the time to visit the place even if she wanted to.

jennie bowed to jungah out of common courtesy for opening the door, and out of habit as well, hand on her chest as she stepped past the doors. it was weird being in the kind of environment. she hadn’t been in a school setting for a while. at least not one where she went in as just jennie, not the one from blackpink; not the jennie that had been scheduled to do a photoshoot, or the jennie that had to film for a music video inside a university. “the dean?” she laughed again, a little more blithe. she felt funny but she didn’t laugh because she found this all hilarious. she did feel she had lucked out that jungah disputes it a good time to meet before jennie herself could refuse. “yeah, maybe another time.” keyword, maybe. she was at peace at the thought that she visited as a regular person ready to learn from one of the school’s students.

eyes widened at the same time her eyebrows became raised. the question was a bit odd to hear. anyone she knew assumed she didn’t, perhaps with the thought that celebrity life was hectic enough as it is to handle anything more. though she could delude herself into thinking the older just didn’t undermine her capacity to greater extents. after all, she was an excelled student during the time she was focused on academics and the promise of success in another dictated career.

“it’s fine,” she replied absentmindedly, unintentionally dismissing the question amid her distraction with the succeeding set of speech. she didn’t really have a choice or a say in the matter. “from the looks of it, i don’t think they would bother us. would they?” in the brief walk to the studio, she had made observations. she could vouch for this in her own little experience as well. the same way she felt urged to follow along, the rest of the people seemed to sense the aura jungah exuded. she thought it was enough to keep them away. “i don’t go to school anymore, by the way. i plan to stick to my career now.” she said it then before it slips her meanwhile walking to the nearest station she had set her eyes on. “so, where do we start?”

“No, they have things to do.” Besides, you could only stare at someone for so long before they were no longer interesting. At least, after Jungah initially saw Jennie, that’s what she felt. The luster had dulled and now she had other things on her mind. That, and people had a tendency to not bother her when she was busy. She didn’t see the need to mention it, nor did she notice it much anymore herself. “Mhm, that’s a good idea. No need to go to school when you’ve got so much else to do.” That doesn’t require schooling. The same could be said for her, but Jungah’s schedule was open and school was a good way to kill time for herself.

Jennie’s eagerness to start only had Jungah smiling as she walked to the table where she normally kept her things. To be hospitable, she pulled a stool over for Jennie and told her to sit before going to where her caddy was stashed. “Depends, what do you know how to do? You can make things, sure, but do you know how to use a sewing machine properly? How many ways do you know how to do hems? There’s a lot to techniques than just… doing.” She walked back, placing her caddy on the raised table and pulling her dress form over, clad in a dress that was still unfinished, before staring at Jennie. “It’s a matter of being able to implement techniques appropriately and problem solving.” Taste was another matter, but that was dependent on a variety of things.

The caddy, once unlatched and extended, revealed a variety of colored spools, needles big and small, tape, and more. Jungah’s caddy stayed organized and stocked full of supplies whenever she needed something. Slipping her hand into the caddy she pulled out a pencil, glancing up to see a few of the other girls in the room watching them, only to look away once they saw Jungah look up. “Can you draw? It’s good to have a blueprint and think of how you can actually execute it. Vision is important, but so is knowing how to successfully construct.” Pulling her purse over, she slipped her sketchbook out and opened up to fresh, a blank page, sliding it over to Jennie with the eraserless pencil she had taken out.

“From there we can figure out color, what kind of fabric we’d need along with thread, and whatever else. It’s a process like anything else.”

the mention of barbecue had her spirits high up, not realizing the eerie silence that stretched in the middle of her cheerful skipping down the hall they took. she bounced, following his effortless big steps compared to her small ones while thinking about the last time she has actually had meat. mirae goes day to day surviving with instant ramen, a broke college student staple food.

such thoughts were interrupted at the drop of the word ‘dreamshade’ and it instantly made her heart beat shoot up to an alarming rate. she doesn’t remember when she last encountered one but she does know she had endangered someone in the process. “no!” she yelled, albeit unwrapping her bandage once again and sending forth her blood in the shape of a thirty-inch long scimitar sword with just one hacking strike of both arms in unison. eyes shifted to all directions in full alert and finally came to a stop as it laid upon the dreamshade in all its glory.

teeth gritted at the sight of it, anxiety washing over all other emotions yet after one deep sigh and a click of the tongue, she pursued the entity looming over the establishment. “seriously, of all times to appear…” she grumbled to herself, donning a completely different aura from her usual timorous state in the midst of her sprint sans her politely and cautiously sliding open the window to make her way out (she didn’t want to trouble the cleaners).

she leaped towards the dreamshade and slashed from its shoulder down to its foot. once her own two feet touched the ground, its body tore apart. before she could think ‘that was easy’, the dreamshade regenerated back to its form. cue the fury from within the tiny spirit warrior manifesting in relentless slashes on the enemy’s body that didn’t seem to really deal much damage.

at the sight of her weapon, kuddo’s breath hitched. over time he had met plenty of spirit world warriors and seen what their abilities could do. from cages and barriers to mental manipulations, he had fought alongside them and became well acquainted with the strength of their powers. hemokinesis was strange because its capabilities would be potentially infinite. in truth, it scared him to think that mirae possessed such power. as she approached the dreamshade, he watched from a distance, his face devoid of any expression, but his gaze focused and unchanging.

years had passed since the last time he interfered with the hunting and acquisition of a dreamshade. his designated zone proved undemanding, but fruitful. high rank warriors took care of all dreamshades that dared cross their grounds without kuddo even thinking twice over their appearance. it was an easy (yet busy) life. that was before the advent of mirae.

jennie normally was attentive but in the midst of all her talking, she hadn’t realized what she should have been paying heed to. she worried the second the other two members were nowhere to be seen and even more so when none of the managers were following along chaeyoung and her anymore. it must have been the bounce to their steps or maybe the many turns they’ve made through the walk that had caused the rest lose their tracks just as much as the pair did.

and yes, she did thought it would be best to go back before chaeyoung even finished the question. none of the shops in the certain street were familiar, worry-wart miss jennie kim noticed first thing. but the visible panic in her company made her compelled to keep her cool, as it always was with the younger members. it was the same with the temptation to cave in. she did so without much persuasion necessary from chaeyoung, agreeing the moment she had asked.

she sighed at the thought of being weak to inclinations but all that were swept away at the sight of the store’s interior. there were objects of delight and interest claiming her instant attention; there were tiny cacti, close to wilting flowers tucked into medicine jars and bottles, flamingos, vintage cameras, globes, and circle sunglasses decorated front of the store greeting them as they entered. “no regrets.” she mused out loud with a soft laughter, gaze stuck to all that adorned the small bookstore while her hand raised in wait for a high five.

when they walked through the door, the small bell from up above signaling their arrival, it was as if they they had entered another realm. the sunny streets were long gone and now the pair was maneuvering through spiky cacti and teetering bookstacks. quite excitedly, chaeyoung returned jennie’s high-five, careful not to topple over anything peculiarly placed. one wrong turn and everything could come crashing down.

chaeyoung smiled to herself, feeling at peace within the trinkets and treasures. veronica’s felt like a home away from home. somehow both so foreign yet so comforting. her eyes dazzled at all the collected things and she began to wonder who kept the store. how could someone amass such a strange collection of items? and were they for sale? she ran her fingers across some displayed books, feeling all the grooves and ripples of the cover and binding. if she had the time, she wished to come here everyday, to be able to read a new book and experience a new story inside veronica’s. such a life would be a dream.

the apology was contested by the dismissive wave of her hands, but then again she imagined this was a result of her own. it was always like a tug of war, pulling at the same rope of absolution, insisting on the fault placed on themselves; mirae won it almost always. that’s the most she could beat anyone in anyway, or a close second to holding the door for someone, which just proves the quintessential mannerly person that she is.

one could argue she was this way because of her lack of self-esteem because clearly, she wasn’t raised to be this way nor was she raised in any way a child should have been raised. she was no more than a tiny soldier, stiff and disciplined. now in freedom (technically), for her it meant to be anything and everything but. which gives us present mirae, proving that she was quite unsuccessful at that so far. it’s only really been two years, however. can she be blamed? she was at least a little less stiff and can be given credit for being a lot less disciplined (which isn’t exactly a good thing).

back at her feet once again, legs twitch inward as they remained wobbly. her nervousness was unfounded as the person was a complete stranger and had no right to regulate her like her parents would over a simple mistake. “sorry…” it slipped her, knowing full well if she kept this up it’ll only be a string of more unnecessary apologies. “sorry… heok…!!” the shock came out like a hiccup. “i’ll stop saying sorry…” fingers twiddled until they found a steady place on her own arms stacked upon each other. “is your phone fine? you don’t have to say sorry, though… i bumped into you, i think?” she looked away as she spoke before looking back up at him. “but let’s just forget about that. are you going somewhere? i’m not keeping you from leaving, am i…?”

bidding someone farewell has never felt as foreboding as it felt now, the quicker his steps carried him across the street, the heavier they felt, as if pulled back towards that strange girl by an unknown force. let’s just forget about that. are you going somewhere? he doesn’t know anymore.

the destination has faded, smudged into a blurry, meaningless image which mingles with all the other thoughts inside his brain. she looked harmless, timid, reluctant in her gestures, and yet, there was something unsettling about her. pointing an accusing finger at literal strangers is very unlike him, but if someone asked him, he’d sincerely release the steam and stress brewing within and admit that, sadly, he felt a creeping chill down his spine because of that girl. and something tells him that it was a mutual feeling. he feels when things don’t go well, when they take sudden and awkward turns and this was the case.

“and then i told him that i don’t wanna be around him anymore and —”, background conversations echo past his ears, everyone delved into their own personal issues, and here he is. aimlessly wandering seoul, still thinking of a random unknown girl who happened to bump into him. or it was his fault. it doesn’t really matter anymore.

he decides he needs to sit down for a few minutes, to let his mind cool down. since he happens to have stopped in front of the cafe, he goes inside, barely glancing at the tables as he takes a seat at the one closest to the window. a momentary refugee, yet he still needs to see the outside world, to make sure he remains connected to everything. only then he hears a faint gasp, realising the table was already occupied by someone else.

“i feel that. so much.” eyes widened with the emphasis on how much she could relate, and even more after the pauses in between. “it’s not the concerts that exhausts me. it’s the stuff that happens after.” she laughed softly. jennie was a bit of an introvert. as much as she enjoyed company, at the end of the day, she still preferred being in her lonesome. sometimes even just relaxed conversations, much like what was happening at the time. “i haven’t thought of it that way but now that you say that, i actually can agree to some extent? but mmm, i’m usually on reserved seating next to my members and staff so it’s not that bad.” her voice had gone a bit timid upon the realization that maybe she hasn’t experienced the most out of the concerts she had been to.

the slight bragging then started the moment the subject was brought up. “oh, for sure! i think most pointers i’ve had outside of my trainors, i received from my big bang seniors. they really helped me a lot.”

Jungah tilted her head slightly, raising an eyebrow in response. Even with the glamorous life of celebrities, she wouldn’t see Jennie as the type to go out frequently. If anything, she seemed a little more like a homebody. “I don’t see you as the type to get wild in an after party.” It wasn’t to be taken as a negative comment; it was simply her way of assessing what she knew of Jennie from their few interactions. It was apparent by how Jennie immediately became animated at the mention of her performing that she did love it—and wanted Jungah to know that.

Listening to her and seeing the way her eyes twinkled as she began to talk about it, Jungah wondered if she talked about anything in a similar manner. Alive.

She laughed.

we tend to project serenity upon the silent, but in person, jennie has the tense energy of a coiled spring, or a set trap. it was the same way jieun was in jennie’s eyes. she supposed at this moment at hand, that image of her friend was about to be bent. not shattered but bent, only because this energy could mean absolutely anything and the ambiguity of that idea leaves room for something unexpected.

it was worrisome to think that someone you know wasn’t the person you always knew them as. she imagined it was the same for most people, if not everyone. either way, she imagined the people who didn’t feel bothered by it were numbed to emotions, desensitized to the human condition or denied of it in general. a curse, she might emphasize. jennie had no clue what she was about to be confronted by, not an inkling of why she had been summoned for this in the first place. it must be so important that it had to be in a setting filled with all the tautness in the air.

“i’m listening…” her voice hinted the harrow within her nerves. she held onto the hopeful side of the situation no matter how gloomy it might seem on the surface. she did so the same way she gripped at jieun’s hand in return, almost just as tight. she couldn’t care less for the pressure squeezing into her veins. she was plunged into brooding, wondering whether this sudden confession would make her despise the friend all in all.

she hated liars. she had been a victim to many of them. she had victimized many others as well, and she hated herself for doing so. which was the reason for her silence at the mention of it, knowing she might not want to forgive her but at the same time wishing it needn’t come to that. fingers squeezed after hers, and more silence with only her eyes communicating with the friend.

how bad could it be anyway?

She could see it in her eyes, the light that dimmed so quickly as it had lit up. It was an inevitable that she wanted to avoid as long as she could. it was never going to end the way she wanted. there was no happy ending, but she had grown and hoped that somehow she deserved it like any other person. if she could wish upon it for someone else, why couldn’t she wish it upon herself? It took her so long to finally realize what she had wanted. she wasted time that meant nothing to her, but had meant the world to the people around her. she failed, but here she was, trying as hard as she could for the people she could not do anything for. jieun breathed, somehow finding it easier to look anywhere but her eyes. she fought the temptation to look, to see what had been created by a simple sentence that held so much meaning. what did she expect from jieun? That the entirety of her being was built on a falsehood that she could no longer uphold? “I’m just, tired.” She blinked the weariness away. the dust that played with her eyelashes almost made it seem as though she’d been looking at a dream, that perhaps all of this was a hallucination that would fade as soon as the tension broke. Except it didn’t, and it wouldn’t. “Of a lot of things. I feel foreign in my own skin, you know that? Like this isn’t me, but it is in every sense of being.” It hit her then as though something had pierced her heart and told her that enough was enough. she shuddered, nearly gasped at the sudden pain that surged through her. it’s happened more than once. when she wanted to tell the truth, but the person inside her head told her now was not the time.

for @jkbaws 

turning the slip of receipt paper over in between her fingers, soojung reads the special quote printed for her “unbirthday.” unbirthday, indeed. with no real date of birth to input, she had chosen 930411# in honor of someone from her past.

당신도 자신이 선택한 삶이니 행복하길 빌어요.
 

a prolonged moment passes before she scoffs under her breath, paper crumpling as she shoves it into the pocket of her pants. the life you chose, her ass. she supposes it’s a human’s sweet attempt at supporting their own kind through their short, rather volatile lives. it makes her nauseated. 

she’s just glad she knows the project manager behind this alice in wonderland-themed exhibition because there’s no way she would willingly thrust herself into a human-packed studio to see art. the exhibition doesn’t actually start for another hour, but the growing line outside the door only makes soojung want to leave all the sooner. there’s a sudden rush of hushed whispers coming from the corridor, and it doesn’t take long for the buzzing hum to accelerate into a rabbling chatter. soojung thinks she can hear black and something that sounds like… punk? pink? link? she’s not entirely sure. 

status: meme no longer accepting. | wired.

“never thought i’d see you here,” he remarks lazily, a curious expression spreading across his features. while jaehyun would never consider himself particularly interested in what kind of company most people have to offer, jennie’s not exactly falling under the umbrella term of stranger      simply walking past her would be too rude for the man to even consider, so he stands and watches her with a slight tilt of his head.

the adrenaline is still coursing through his veins, so if anything, he’s excited at the aspect of sharing a few words with the singer. he’s pretty sure he’s heard some of her songs blasting on yunseo’s phone numerous times before, considering his best friend is equally caught up when it comes to kpop as much as she loves classical music.

not that he doesn’t see the appeal; at the very least, there’s something distinctly beautiful about some of the songs that are released to the open public and even if it’s just the music video accompanying a title track. which, in all fairness, he’s seen his fair share of      being a student who dabbles in a similar kind of art himself, jaehyun doesn’t easily dismiss what he’s got no part of. still, jennie’s unexpected appearance at the gala strikes him as odd, seemingly an action that’s out of character.

he doesn’t know very much about idols and the big companies to understand how they work, though jaehyun’s rather sure that their occupation doesn’t extend to attending formal events that stand in no relation to them or their music, somehow. tonight is just an event hosted by his university, to celebrate some major accomplishments while others graduate.

he supposes maybe, she must know someone here as well. “you’re not enrolled here, are you?” the boy considers what his words sound like; how unwelcoming they might appear to be, even if he doesn’t mean it that way. so he smiles a little crookedly, remembering that social etiquette has never been exactly his forte. “it’s great to see you here anyway,” he tacks on, hoping she’ll simply dismiss him with a smile and move on to someone else.

when jennie doesn’t, he swallows. is it considered weird to share such a familiar tone with an idol-singer who’s well known by most of the younger people within tonight’s audience? he hopes nobody will notice; so it won’t cause trouble for either of them.