smile through your teeth,

it’s not every day that valuables get left behind at the crow’s nest- as ironic as the name of the restaurant would make it seem. very rarely does sohee come across anything more than the odd paperclip or pin, or even pretty hair-clips from some of the businesswomen that take their lunches. today though, sitting on her table as if it were a present from God himself is a beautifully expensive watch, and sohee really wants it.

still, she has a conscience, which leads her to (temporarily) pocket the piece as she cleans the table, only to find jihoon when her shift has ended. “jihoon-ssi, someone left behind a watch today,” she begins, putting on her best pleading face, “if nobody comes back for it tomorrow can i please keep it?”

(she stole his watch once, and even though he caught her very shortly after the fact, it was impressive enough for him to respect her bravery, if not her skill.)

he also hired her because she was his little brother’s friend, once upon a time, and he was tired of him being so sad. even nearly six months later, it hasn’t made much of a difference, but he hopes one day the close proximity will be enough to warm jisu up to the idea of forgiveness-- admittedly ironic from someone as resentful as jihoon.

he’s just on his way back to the kitchen after speaking to a customer that demanded to speak to him-- something about a hair in his soup that he needed to complain to management about. (jihoon didn’t see anything, but it’s fine.)

✧ // *

“maybe,” he teases back, playfully, despite knowing he is not the one with the upper hand here, “doctor help, i’m dying again,” he declares through a grin, tossing his head back dramatically against his pillow and shutting his eyes tight, as if he were in pain, though careful not to disrupt the gentle hold on his face, “my boyfriend’s kisses are too good.”

jihoon laughs, more a chuckle of disbelief than anything else, a puff of air, but spencer probably is tired. being in an essential coma isn’t the same as sleeping-- likely isn’t peaceful or restful at all, though it’s not like jihoon would know. “stay awake for a little while, yeah?” he requests, softly, for his own sake-- because jihoon needs him, and needs time to process his living. he needs to let it sink in before spencer drifts off into dreamland, a state jihoon is still not entirely convinced he’ll ever wake up from.

“you’re actually still out,” jihoon manages to joke back. “this is all a simulation i put together to keep you with me forever,” and he smiles, slowly. somehow, he suspects he wouldn’t have to go that far. he might already be able to keep spencer with him forever, if he wants to. does he? he isn’t sure yet. forever is a commitment too large for jihoon, but for now, for weeks, for months, for years-- he hopes so. when he turns more serious, he looks away momentarily, suddenly keenly aware of spencer’s hand in his. he squeezes it. “i think it was three days. time blurred together. i haven’t been keeping track. i did at first, but it made me too anxious. you should ask one of the nurses.”

jihoon hums again, and when spencer tells him it’ll be okay, he believes him, because spencer doesn’t lie. there are still so many things that could go wrong, but maybe it’s okay to believe, just a little, that they will make it through, and that he will get more time to love him. for now, he treasures this moment, which is more than he ever thought he would get.

the color that touches spencer’s cheeks comes as such a relief, and it’s cute, too; all jihoon can do is smile at him-- one he can’t wipe off his face even if he wanted to. “oh nooo,” jihoon plays along. “do you need cpr? it would be irresponsible of me to wait for the doctor to get here when i can save you,” so he kisses him again, even if it’s brief. 

he realizes then, that word: boyfriend. it doesn’t scare him as much as it should. (maybe it shouldn’t at all; maybe it just doesn’t scare him as much as he thought it would.) 

there’s no deer in headlights look, or his blood running cold. instead, it’s a raised eyebrow, and “so i’m your boyfriend now, am i?” it’s with a hint of a smile, surely unable to be misconstrued into anything uncertain. still, he kisses spencer again, real, deeper, not quite desperate, but with all of the emotion of the previous days: the worry, the relief, the love that hit him like a truck as soon as that bullet embedded itself in spencer’s skin.

✧ // *

His father, sensing another victim, let go of the cook and charged at the owner with renewed vigour. “THIS!!!” He shook the fist with the microphone in front of Jihoon’s face “since when do you record your patrons?! This is the biggest fucking mistake, I swear I will make sure Hydru…” Before he could utter another word Sanghun stepped in between Jihoon and his old man “MAYBE” he raised his voice preventing him from finishing his threats “IT will be better if we take it elsewhere. You do not want it” he motioned the mic, “advertised dad.”  He saw a glimmer of understanding in his father’s eyes, yet the old man was still fuming. Sanghun half-turned to Jihoon “Can we talk privately, please?”

it’s irritating: this man disturbing his restaurant. unfortunately jihoon is used to this. he learned how to deal with the unruly customers at an early age, a necessary skill, but it’s never one he enjoys utilizing-- well, usually. part of him likes this power, and this control, and forcing these disgruntled people into some kind of submission. he’s physically dragged customers out of the crow’s nest, he’s broken a plate over the head of one that stabbed one of his waiting staff, he’s broken a nose, and that’s only the start. he hopes this situation won’t escalate, if only because he likes sanghun and doesn’t want to sacrifice their relationship by humiliating his father, and maybe him by extension. he also assumes his father is quite dangerous, and while jihoon is arrogant to some degree, he’s also has enough self preservation instincts. to not jump into a fight he might be able to avoid.

“sir,” jihoon begins, tone still calm, bordering on pleasant. “that is not ours, however, i am very sorry this happened and will ensure it never does again.” it’s not theirs, but he can admit it’s a good idea. maybe whoever placed it there somehow knew of the pair’s plans to eat there and wanted to know their conversation. maybe it was just by chance-- a recording device either lost or placed there randomly to see what information the perpetrator could find. he does intend to check for these devices from now on, though. “the privacy of our customers is very important to us. i’ll track down who did this and blacklist them from this restaurant.”

✧ // *

his breathing catches, or he stops it on purpose, as if the head on his chest is a rare purple butterfly that might fly away forever if spencer’s lungs move his chest with another breath. there is the dead giveaway of a stutter in his heartbeat, obvious in the rhythm of his heart monitor, and probably even more so with an ear pressed against his ribcage. this has to be the afterlife; or else the world turned upside down the moment that bullet passed through his body. it doesn’t matter; he doesn’t care, either way. there’s no ocean here, and he thought there’d be an endless ocean in heaven, but he’d happily accept this as his eternity.

“i love you too.”

a smile plays at jihoon’s lips again, even as his eyes flutter shut and he listens to spencer’s heartbeat again, faster this time. there was something comforting about the slowness of it before in its own way, but like this, it is so clear spencer is bursting with life, and he is sure-- he hopes --he will get to hear this heartbeat as long as he wants to, in all of its speeds. “you are,” he agrees, and now, with a very living and breathing spencer, he can find a little humor in it. of course, spencer would keep even an impossible promise, like not even a shred of him can exist otherwise.

“i’m tired,” he sighs, an observation, and sudden realization, all of that adrenaline and alertness ebbing in the presence of this safety and reassurance. he knows he won’t be able to rest though, not really, until spencer is home, and the doctors are convinced there won’t be any complications. 

he doesn’t listen anymore closely to spencer’s heartbeat when he tells him he loves him, but he feels the way his heart flutters, and jihoon opens his eyes. he grins, softness replaced by something a little devious, and even in all of his gratitude and sincerity, jihoon will never tire of knowing his effect on spencer. he basks in this small moment, too long without a reminder.

“i know,” he replies, grin still on his face, and he sits up again. it’s what he wanted to say the first time-- response more in character for him than all the tears he shed the first time spencer said it, when his blood pooled on jihoon’s hands. spencer doesn’t have to tell jihoon he loves him, and he never had to, but he doesn’t mind hearing it; he wouldn’t mind hearing it a hundred more times. 

✧ // *

jihoon pulls away to smile at him and spencer smiles back. he mirror’s jihoon’s touch too, reaching up to cradle his face, wiping at a tear track with the pad of his thumb.

“hey, i promised, didn’t i?” even now, even now, he manages to make light of darkness, “i’m not going anywhere.”

what now? he doesn’t know if he’s ever been so full of joy or at such a complete loss. who is he now that he’s not on edge, in between love and loss, waiting, preparing for the worst heartbreak he has ever known? as much as he hoped for spencer alive, he didn’t prepare for this outcome. as much as he likes to prepare for everything, he barely let himself consider the best possible scenario, and what he would do should the universe let him have it. it was always how do i live without spencer? days of trying to answer that question, days of planning for his death and trying to move on.

he does something incredibly difficult and lets go for now, resting in spencer’s warmth and light and life, illuminating jihoon’s existence once again, like he thought he was never meant to. maybe jihoon was wrong all along, and he is not so powerful that he would pull the unstoppable force of spencer’s goodness into the darkness. maybe it isn’t about jihoon being a curse, and it’s about spencer being a blessing-- a saving grace for the seemingly irredeemable.

he smiles, small this time, more subdued, tired now that spencer is awake. “i knew you wouldn’t lie to me,” he replies. no, jihoon is the only liar between them, but this much is true. spencer said it and jihoon believed him. he tried to talk himself out of his believing, like he was just setting himself up for more pain for trusting in the promise of a dying man with no control over his destiny. instead, his rare, persistent hope was rewarded with spencer, alive, and a real shot at love.

he lays his head back down on spencer’s chest with his life’s deepest sigh of relief, still taking in the sight of spencer’s face, hoping he never takes it for granted for a single day that jihoon is never guaranteed, with or without him.

(what now? what does he do in the face of a spencer that knows he loves him?) 

✧ // *

Seeing his dad charge toward a kitchen Sanghun ran after the man, killing staff was the last thing they needed, but as he burst into the kitchen his dear father had already someone by their shirt, pinned to the wall. Not the way Sanghn would go about this whole thing. He had his father in a chokehold (without the actual choking, hopefully, the old man will not kill him on the spot). He hissed, among curses, “Dad, let go, let me deal with it” 

@jihoonmi

jihoon couldn’t complain about his life. he had a boyfriend-- one that miraculously survived a gunshot wound that could’ve been deadly. he got back in touch with his best friend after stubbornly distancing himself from him after he moved away from the island, and slowly but surely, his normal temperament returned. that meaning all of the fake, sickeningly sweet smiles flashed for the sake of customer service, because actually, he could complain about one thing: he was too nice now. the smiles weren’t even that fake anymore, true self too soft when he needed to be firm. 

of course, when he felt weak in the area arguably most important for his occupation, the universe would test him.

he was back in the kitchen, making sure all of the cooks and rest of the staff had everything they needed, taking notes of any ingredients they were running low on so he could go and buy them on his next day off. he lingered for a moment in the break area as well, to tell spencer to get back to work and ultimately get distracted. he was just about to head back onto the floor of the restaurant when he heard a commotion, and immediately steeled himself, preparing his other face: the one that meant business, the true self, cold and calculating, that refused to budge.

it could still be a moment that required charm to calm a rowdy customer down, or it could require a steady hand, unyielding and uncompromising. to jihoon’s surprise, the disgruntled man burst through the very doors of the kitchen before jihoon could seek him out and discover the problem for himself, and he didn’t even have a moment to stand stunned. instead, he shifted into overdrive, assessing the situation as he acted.

there one of his staff was, pushed against the wall by a furious man, inevitably the one that caused the commotion. luckily, jihoon seemed to have an ally, trying to get the man away from the innocent worker. jihoon tugged on the back of the man’s shirt as well to get him away, and told the wide-eyed server to take a break. he’d check on him once they were dealt with.

✧ // *

“okay,” he agrees easily, quietly, because it is that easy to promise jihoon forever. he isn’t like jihoon; he doesn’t have to be leaking lifeblood into the floorboards as the blue flashes of an ambulance fill the room through the windows to make the promise of forever, “not goin’ anywhere,” he’d promised forever in every kiss, even before he knew that’s what he was doing. he smiles again, close-lipped and shuddering, mustering up the strength to reach up and touch that impossible face, only managing to graze blood-stained fingertips over the line of jihoon’s jaw, “promise.”

jihoon can’t breathe either, but he knows he needs to. spencer needs his stability, or so he convinces himself to try to scrape the bottom of the barrel for more strength in the face of impending tragedy. he is so used to death-- so used to not batting an eye, even when it’s others on the crow’s nest staff that lose their lives. it happens; you grieve for a moment, then keep going. life goes on. he wonders if he could ever move on if he loses spencer here, with the knowledge that the brightest light on this cursed island was snuffed out because of jihoon’s fear. please no. please please please. 

he moves, pressing what remains of tablecloth unstained by blood against spencer’s wound, and he hopes-- prays --in all of his loss of control, that this is enough.

of course spencer knew. maybe he knew like jihoon knew spencer loved him; maybe they didn’t need to say it all, or they did, so jihoon wouldn’t be able to deny and ignore it anymore. he laughs too, short and broken and riddled with tears that refuse to leave his eyes. he tries to will them away, because he wants to see him. if he’s going to lose him, he wants to see him-- to be fully present for every moment. maybe there’s a part of him that doesn’t, however; maybe he doesn’t want to remember him like this, all distant and seeping the darkness of this island and this city, where he doesn’t belong. he belongs where he can glow, and jihoon so desperately wants him to make it back there. “of course you did,” jihoon breathes regardless, and he wants to run a hand through spencer’s now damp hair-- wants to hold his face, but not as badly as he wants to do everything he can to give spencer his best shot at life beyond this.

maybe it’s foolish, but he believes spencer when he says it. jihoon knows, even in this rattled, panicked state that spencer has never once lied to him, and even jihoon, consistently reluctant and stubbornly independent, trusts him so deeply. spencer says he’s not going anywhere, so jihoon believes him, and he breathes.

“i’ll kill you if you do,” he jokes, but it turns into a sob as spencer reaches for his face. he wants to grab his hand, and squeeze it, a physical manifestation of okay, i believe you, but he can’t. he wants to, but jihoon is so afraid it would be like giving up on him-- like accepting the death that comes for spencer, and jihoon could never, even if spencer did die. still, he knows now that spencer will fight. he believes that spencer will do everything in his power to stay here with him, and to come back from the brink and back into his arms, but not like this-- instead, with his lively laughter, and unceasing warmth, overflowing and so full of life. 

✧ // *

Shoving his phone back into his pocket, he takes a breath. “We’ve been ensured a route to the weapon but it’s on us to get it out of there with as little problems as possible, so if you have any bright ideas before we head on our way to hell, that would be great.” Most of all, Minhyuk wanted to see how his classmate fared in this type of setting. He wanted to hear the other’s thoughts on the matter.

“yeah, i know what we’re doing,” he confirmed with a nod. steal a weapon shipment, in short. take it to the designated location where they would be picked up by a columba driver. they were stealing directly from hydrus, as far as they knew, and if not from the gang itself, from one of their associates. it was an incredibly risky job, but would jihoon really have it any other way? likely not. “never,” he replied, flashing a smile, not lacking confidence or a little mischief. truthfully, he didn’t expect to meet minhyuk like this, but he knew better than to assume anyone was innocent on this island. he wasn’t exactly surprised.

figures, the columba boy would know a little more about the mission with his direct line to the updates. jihoon expected he was just there for a little extra firepower should things go south-- someone expendable that could help minhyuk carry the shipment, likely too heavy for one man alone. he nodded again. “got it.”

as adept as jihoon’s hands were, his tongue was moreso, able to talk himself and fake himself out of most situations, innocent eyes, sweet charm. he could utilize that if they needed to, but hopefully they wouldn’t run into anyone. maybe he went too long without a proper job testing his thievery, because his ideas ran low-- unfortunate, because he certainly wanted to prove his competence to his new partner whose skepticism he could feel through the way he looked at him. maybe that was just jihoon’s paranoia, though.

✧ // *

he doesn’t know how he can make this better. he doesn’t want to leave because it could be possible that the other still wanted company, just not in the way he had originally wanted. “i think it might be pretty obvious already, but he cares a lot about you, too,” he adds on. “so, it just seems unfair to do this… for both of your guys’ sake.” 

it’s still hard for him to breathe. he wants this to be over-- wants to stop thinking about spencer, even if just for a few minutes; he’ll take anything. he wants to stop seeing him; he wants to stop feeling so shaky, like he’s rocking his very foundation. he never wanted to give someone so much power, and he still can’t afford to. he needs to be strong. too many people will suffer if he falters, and spencer makes him someone that can stumble-- someone distracted, someone weak.

“i thought you were my friend,” jihoon says, still capable of a good guilt trip, even in his vulnerable state, but he doesn’t know the point of it. he doesn’t know if he wants to sleep with taehyung anymore, mind too muddy. he’s dizzy; maybe jihoon just wants him to feel bad for bringing this panicked pain on him when he could’ve helped. he looks up at him, face fallen and broken, playing the game now-- of the soft jihoon, usually all smiles, a little childish. underneath it, there’s real hurt.

part of jihoon understands why taehyung does it-- or doesn’t do it.. who would want the blood of this destruction on his hands? who would want this involvement? taehyung was already the object of jihoon’s plan of manipulation once, and if he knows spencer-- spectacular sunshine that he is --it would be so hard to hurt him. it would be hard for anyone but jihoon. jihoon wants to. he tells himself he wants to, and maybe there really has been part of him that wanted to hurt spencer from the beginning.

he shakes his head. “it’s your fault,” he counters. “i would be doing something else if not for you. this has nothing to do with me.” maybe if he says it enough he’ll convince himself he has no personal responsibility-- no stake in this, no hesitation of his own. he can’t admit that taehyung is at least partially right. what holds him back? the fact that he doesn’t know is so infuriating. it makes him want to lash out even more. 

“i don’t care,” he adds, and it’s a general statement-- his response to everything. spencer cares about him, but the feeling is not mutual. jihoon doesn’t care if it would’ve been fair or not. it’s not fair that he has to go through this, and that he has to think about this. he almost says it: it’s unfair that you’re making me think about this, but it might validate taehyung’s assumptions more. after all, if he was thinking about it, wouldn’t it mean it matters? doesn’t that mean it matters.

It hadn’t been very long since Minhyuk joined Columba. He was still getting used to the idea of having to work with another individual, who could possibly have traits that didn’t line up with his own. Although he was grateful that he was assigned to someone unaffiliated this time, thus excluding the need for him to interact with a member of another gang, it did little to soothe his thoughts. Minhyuk had been a lonewolf for most of his life, he wasn’t familiar with having a partner.

There was no good in mulling over his previous lifestyle as he leaned against the wall in a dimly light alleyway, so he halted his thoughts and waited for the person he would have to look out for other than himself. Speak of the devil and they shall appear, apparently, because he noticed the silhouette of another person approaching him. Minhyuk craned his neck slightly, trying to focus his sight on the stranger - a man, it seemed.

No wait, that wasn’t a stranger.

“…Well.” He muttered, aware that he had his eyes widened in surprise. Lo and behold, it was Park Jihoon himself, an acquaintance of his or friend? that he just spoke with a few days ago in university. Minhyuk couldn’t hide his surprise, blinking a few times just to make sure.

“Didn’t think someone so rich needed to become a thief.” He pointed out, pushing himself off of the wall and standing up straight to take a better look of the other. “Then again, maybe even you couldn’t resist a weapon capable of such things, if the information they gave us was correct.” He whispered under his breath, words vague, careful not to speak too loudly or clearly in case of curious ears.

he was more nervous than usual, though, with more at stake now than ever. he knew columba had enough in-house thieves, and that he was either chosen for his skill (which he’d like to believe) or because the danger wasn’t worth risking any of their own on this mission (more likely.) either way, he had his orders: work with a columba thief to steal a weapon shipment on behalf of columba. he had faith he could do that.

what he didn’t expect: the other thief being minhyuk. he knew minhyuk from one of his classes at myeongcho university, which he truthfully should’ve dropped out of by now. he figured he would see through his first year at least, however, and now that his best friend and former dorm-mate were on good terms again, he didn’t feel such a sense of dread anymore when going to class. besides, he could meet lovely people like minhyuk.