OEUVRE

I had a dream. This is the first time I felt extremely glad that it was just a dream.

The dream was vivid. It almost seemed real. The feelings, I can feel them rip my heart.

In my dream, he cheated on me with somebody from his work. She was beautiful. I was calling him and the woman answered. Asking why I was calling. The difference from all other cheating-on-me dream was that this time, he admitted to it.

The first thing I thought of was, “What’s going to happen to Axl now? What about the house we’re paying? Can I do it all alone?” It’s as if I already accepted it was gonna happen and is planning on how to go about my life without him. I even thought of asking for seeking the help of a lawyer for child support. About annulment.

I was hurt. I can’t explain. There’s something hollow in my heart. It’s as if somebody punch my heart and left a hole in it. But I couldn’t cry. I tried to cry, but I couldn’t. I complained to my mom about the pain. I was acting like I was crying but there were no tears. The thing I was saddest about was the fact that I believed he was a good man and that he will not do that to me. It hurt my pride more than anything else.

I crushed it with a rock to know how much you loved me.

but if I were to wake up tomorrow morning

and decide that I really want to write about love,

my first poem would be about you