sleep peacefully, my beloved witch beatrice
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@jfkisonthemoon
sleep peacefully, my beloved witch beatrice

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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spiderverse was sooOOOO GOOOOOOOD
bubbline really was that good. iconic yuri and they just put it on cartoon network. but also adventure time was just one of the greatest to ever do it in the history of cartoons in general so.
to think they aired what was missing and we were all like haha wow that's pretty dykey of them. and then they went and gave us stakes. and then they went and gave us obdisidan.
Just got some troubling news.
so i don't remember if ive ever shared this but an incredible consequence of reading Sherlock Holmes as a kid was me imagining them as even gayer than they are in canon.
so here's the deal, when i'd asked my mother what a "dressing gown" was, she explained to me that it was basically a bathrobe. so, my knowledge of bathrobes being 'clothes you put on your naked body after a shower as a comfortable alternative to a towel', my mind of course conjured Holmes and Watson walking around their flat in nothing other than a dressing gown on. like this:
and kid me went "huh, that's awfully intimate. theyre definitely SOME sort of great friends." I am honestly pretty ashamed to admit i only realized they actually wore normal clothes under their dressing gowns when i started searching for Sherlock Holmes fanart and saw people drawing it. oops.

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i will forever treasure this omegle interaction
My son gave me a card that said, "You are the best mom ever" so I asked him if he collected empirical evidence to back up that claim. He admitted to doing no research at all; therefore it's purely anecdotal and cannot be trusted. I have hung this sentimental atrocity on my office wall.
Apparently if you make fun of this you're actually making fun of the very real women who have this body in real life
harry dubois would end death note in one episode. he'd be unkillable bc he has no fucking idea what his name is and then he'd go drink driving and accidentally run light over and the killings would mysteriously stop
Harry: Kim, what's following that kid?
Kim: ...
Harry: What?
Kim: What are you talking about?
Inland Empire [80%]
Looks like you're the only one who can see it.
Harry: The... bone monster?
Kim: The bone monster.
Harry: Yes. The bone monster.
THE BONE MONSTER - As you approach it grins, watching you watching it.
THE BONE MONSTER'S KID - "Good morning officers."
YOU - Continue looking at the bone monster.
THE BONE MONSTER - It tilts its head to the side quizzically at you.
YOU - Tilt your head in response.
THE BONE MONSTER - It begins leering over you, grinning even harder.
THE BONE MONSTER'S KID - The kid turns towards you.
PERCEPTION [LEGENDARY: SUCCESS] - For a moment he looked at the bone monster, and then to you.
THE BONE MONSTER'S KID - "Is there a problem, officers?"
KIM - "You will have to forgive my partner, he has quite an active imagination."
THE BONE MONSTER - "You hear that? I'm just a part of your imagination."
INLAND EMPIRE - I don't think he's a part of your imagination.
This man... He can see Ryuk? But how? The only explanation is that he touched my Death Note, but I've had it with me all day! Did he sneak into my room last night while I was asleep? But, all my security measures were intact... And he seems confused, is he putting on an act? Let me see if I can...
"Pardon me officer, I don't think I caught your name?"
"Uh, well that's the thing, I, uh, don't actually remember it at the moment."
Damn him! He knows I need a name to kill, and now he's taunting me! He can see Ryuk, too, so one wrong move could end me! I might have to make the eye deal at this point...
---------------------------------
LOGIC [Medium, failure]: This bone monster is obviously Kira. You are fucked.
Try to make Kim see the bone monster. [Suggestion, Legendary]
Attempt to arrest the bone monster.
Put yourself between the bone monster and Light.
Ask Light for some money.
Try to play it off as a joke and leave quickly. [Composure, Formidable]
> Attempt to arrest the bone monster
PERCEPTION [EASY: FAILURE] - You can't tell what gender it is.
YOU - "Excuse me, sir-- or, uh, madam?-- Bone... person..."
THE BONE MONSTER - It laughs, a deep, gutteral sound, like air escaping from the lungs of a corpse. As its jaw moves, you can see rows upon rows of sharp teeth inside its gaping maw.
COMPOSURE [CHALLENGING: SUCCESS] - You stand your ground and manage not to freak out.
YOU - "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to come down to the police station. You... uh, match the description of a suspect... I think."
THE BONE MONSTER - It lets out a loud, phlegmatic belly laugh. "What are you going to do, arrest me?"
AUTHORITY - Damn right you are. Cuff him.
YOU - "Yes, as a matter of fact, I will. You are under arrest on suspicion of being Kira. Put your hands forward, wrists together."
KIM - "How exactly are you going to handcuff a hallucination, Detective?"
THE BONE MONSTER - It laughs again, like this is the funniest thing in the world, before obediently sticking out its arms.
THE BONE MONSTER'S KID - His eyes go wide and his face goes pale as you place the cuffs on the monster's wrists, before his gaze darts to Kim.
KIM - He is staring at the cuffs. He looks bewildered. "Are those handcuffs... floating?"
-----------------------------------
Shit! Ryuk, why did you have to comply?! Is this a game to you? No matter... They still don't realize that I'm Kira, not Ryuk. All I have to do is stay calm and act surprised. I'm sure Ryuk can just escape later, once he gets bored. And this other cop obviously can't see him, so it seems it's only the first one who has touched a Death Note... I just need to make it seem that he's the only one who can see Shinigami. Then I'll seem innocent, and he'll be the suspicious one!
"How did you do that? Is it some kind of magic trick?"
--------------------------------------
SHIVERS [Heroic, Success]: As intimidating as it looks, the bone monster isn't the real threat.
Deduce who the real Kira is [Logic, Godly]
Ask Light what he knows about the bone monster.
Tell Kim I-told-you-so.
Convince Light you are a sorcerer [Drama, Impossible]
Ask Light if he has any cigarettes.
I don't know shit about Harry's universe but I wanna see where this is gonna go. I vote cigarettes next.
Someone wrote a fic where he hit light with his car. It is a brilliant piece of coding and fiction.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
I'd HIGHLY reccomend it- there's only one chapter, really (the second one exists purely as a workaround to make something that would otherwise be a popup into a link because its way too long to be a popup) and its 32,000ish words.
Its fun you should check it out

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i would so love to know what was going on in this persons head. i would rather be shot dead than sneak food into a movie theatre. What?
man if you're disabled you've GOT to find some way to make your fuckass body a source of pleasure whenever you can. jacking off. eating good food. wearing soft clothes. kissing an animal on the head. whatever you can do
Unassuming woman: Nice, dude. That hot dog is ketchup-pilled AND mustard-pilled
Strange man whose son died in an accident he could have prevented: I guess

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and for my favorite character: failed suicide attempt and erectile dysfunction
crazy concept. imagine