If your idea of marriage is being with someone you’re “in love” with, don’t you dare get married. Your marriage will fail, I promise you.

“In love” is that romantic, bubbly feeling. That thing that makes you sigh when they walk into a room, but disappears when their acne breaks out, or they get constipated and need you to buy them an enema, or when they’re vomiting from the flu, or when you’re fighting with them about money or children.

“In love” is no reason to get married. It is fleeting. It comes and goes like the tide and sometimes you have to work hard to create that feeling.

“He/she is my best friend” is a good reason to get married. “I will never leave” being at the front of your mind during the most hellish debate you’ve ever had is a reason to get married. “I want to understand their point of view” when you feel like it’s impossible to understand each other in that moment is a good reason to get married.

Real love gets ugly sometimes. Real love is when two people see the ugly side of each other and they still want to work together and be better for each other.

Real love deals with sickness, poverty, and misery together. It doesn’t point the finger or whine to your friends about the romance being dead instead of getting up and reviving it your damn self.

Don’t you dare get married to someone while you’re “in love.” Get married after you survive a struggle together. Get married knowing it’s going to be harder than you ever imagined it would be. Get married knowing you want your children to be like your partner as much as they’re like you. Marry someone you can argue with the right way, the productive way, the “won’t shut you out” way, the “we’re gonna talk this out even if I need a minute to cool off” way.

Fluorapatite, Beryl and Muscovite