like imagine ben (often perceived as a lil slutty [complimentary] and more experienced so i'm mixing things up here) fresh off a bisexual awakening. and he's hooked up with guys, sure — but just like, oral and touching because he hasn't had a lot of relationships get far enough for anything else. and then there's adam who's only dated cis women before ben so he's doesn't know his way around a blowjob but he has done anal in his past relationships. and they're both just kind of reeling from the newness of their relationship and feeling out of their depth in different ways. and ben rolls onto his stomach on the bed, kind of coquettish, and is like, well. tell me about it. how did it feel. did you like it? with your ex? and adam (suddenly red-faced, weirdly nervous) is like... do you mean giving or receiving? and then ben jerks off to adam talking about how one of his exes used to peg him and how much he loved it and how good it felt and how good he's going to make it feel for ben. yay ❤️

SORRY I'm getting distracted. anyway just imagine ben walking adam through his first blowjob (i think the trope of someone being immediately good at sex is pretty boring but i'll make an exception here - if there's anyone who could take a note and immediately stick the landing, it's adam) and then adam taking ben's anal virginity soooo carefully and thoroughly that it's insane. ben's overwhelmed and feeling kind of hot and sick and shaky because adam's fingers are way bigger and longer than his, and it feels crazy, and adam's just sort of petting him, soothing him, resting his cheek against ben's sweaty lower back and talking him through it — "buddy, take a deep breath, relax, you have to kind of trick your body into letting me in, you can do it, you can absolutely do it, it's crazy how much you're going to do it," and ben, kind of trembly but so determined, saying, "ok, ok, ok, hang on, i just— ok," and adam helps him tilt his hips and bear down and then it all just works at once and it's so easy it's crazy.

and adam's trying so SO hard not to be a weird pervert about it. resisting it with gritted teeth and his back straight and his muscles corded, because he's knows it's like how if you let yourself shiver one single time when the wind's at your back, it's all over, and you can't unring that bell, just like he can't unfetishize ben's fucking virginity like the huge fucking creep he is. he absolutely cannot let himself think how he's the first person that gets to do this, how it doesn't make any sense because ben's so hot it seems crazy it hasn't happened yet. as long as he remembers to not think about it every single second, he can stave it off.

and he's got ben on his back because it started to hurt his knee to be on all fours — "i guess i'm not an athlete after all," he'd said, laughing, sort of loopy, letting adam guide him back down because his thighs were shaking from the effort of holding the position, and it kind of knocked the wind out of adam to see him so vulnerable, jelly-boned and limp — but now adam can see his face, which is a problem because he can see he's sort of smirking, probably because he knows exactly what adam's thinking. and ben likes to be taken care of and doted on but sometimes what he likes most of all is steering adam toward things he's trying very hard to avoid, like he's a fucking sheepdog for all his worst impulses.

ben bends his leg so his foot's resting flat against adam's chest, and it changes the angle to something even deeper that makes them both groan, and ben says, breath catching and a little singsongy, "you wanna come inside me soooooo bad." and adam has to kind of hang his head and say, his voice thin and reedy and panicked, "ben. don't."

and ben's rocking back against him, the sound wet and shocking in adam's apartment, and it feels so insane that something like this could be happening in his utterly mundane one bedroom walk-up, and ben — a disarmingly good player, people always forget that — hits a bullseye, and says, "you totally want to be the first."