@jesusofortenau - Tumblr Blog

What is this blog about?

Posting pictures of crucifixes.

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Rating

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5/5

Categories

Bloody - Jesus is bloody

Creepy - Crucifixes that give me the creeps

Fav - I think these are especially neat

Floppy - Jesus has been taken down from the cross and looks floppy

Four nails - Jesus is nailed to the cross with four nails

Funny - Funny looking Jesus

Gold - Jesus is in the color gold

Halo - Jesus has a halo

Hand gesture - Jesus makes a hand gesture

Inscription - Crucifixes with an inscription besides INRI

Looking up - Jesus is looking up

Modern - Jesus is in a modern design (/derogatory)

Nail through palm - The nails go through the palm of the hand, this is proven to be wrong, it would not hold his weight

Nail through wrist - The nails go through the wrist bones, this is historically acurate

No beard - Jesus does not have a beard

No cross - Jesus is nailed to something, but it’s not a cross

No crown of thorns - Jesus is not wearing the crown of thorns

Not a crucifix - but still relevant to this blog

Painted - Jesus (the statue) is painted

Rosary - Crucifixes on rosaries

Silver - Jesus is in the color silver

Three nails - Jesus is nailed to the cross with three nails

White - Jesus is in the color white

•18+ Adults Only

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389

German armor from the 16th century

drinkinunholyblood

seventeen-seconds

Source: Milan Janoch on Instagram

jesusofortenau

Omnomnom

#reblog

jesusofortenau

Rating: 3.5/5

Look, it's an identical twin of this Jesus! I assume these are made from a mold, which is fine for a grave. Not everybody can or wants to afford a one of a kind handcrafted Jesus. But personally, I prefer handcrafted ones.

stochastique-blog

Love is all

jesusofortenau

Ladies and gentlefollowers, please pay attention to tumblr user stochastique-blog, who according to their description ("Experimentation : Automatic random reblogging of thumblr post.") randomly reblogged one of my most boring Jesus. How funny is that?

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To whom it may concern

Oh wow, it's been almost two months since my last post. I haven't abandoned this blog! But since I'm apparently unable to keep up a consistent posting schedule, posts will be posted when they are posted, and if they're not posted then they aren't.

Rating: 1/5

This one isn't even a statue, it's 'just' a paiting on a cross. Props to the artist, but it is not my aesthetic. Good for them making him brown, tho.

#jesus christ #crucifix #wetzlar #not ortenau #1/5 #38 #four nails #no crown of thorns #halo #painted #modern #nail through palm

Rating: 2/5

Buff arms and skinny legs. Plus, he looks kind of like Captain Jack Sparrow? Is he wearing a turban?

#jesus christ #crucifix #nussbach #2/5 #37 #four nails #nail through palm #funny

Rating: 1/5

This is a small crucifix on a rosary. It is not very detailed, or perhaps just worn down, but I do think it is quite charming. Note how the proportionally huge nails are flattening his hands like he is made out of playdough. And the bottom nail is below his feet, even.

#jesus christ #crucifix #nussbach #rosary #1/5 #36 #three nails #nail through palm #funny #halo #looking up #silver

Rating: 4.5/5

Finally, a decent statue. I prefer these aesthetic stone statues with realistic body proportions and shapes. The cross I'm not a fan of.

#jesus christ #crucifix #offenburg #4.5/5 #35 #three nails #nail through palm #fav #white

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

Rating: 2/5

Hm. I feel like this one should have armpit hair. It would fit the style. Have you noticed that so far most Jesus had a beard, but no Jesus had armpit hair? Why is that.

#jesus christ #crucifix #offenburg #2/5 #34 #four nails #painted #nail through palm #bloody

Rating: 2/5

He bores me. I don't like bloody Jesus, I don't like painted Jesus, and his proportions seem off to me. I think his arms are too short.

#jesus christ #crucifix #oberachern #2/5 #33 #three nails #painted #nail through wrist #bloody

Rating: 4/5

HAHA, look at this one! He looks like a book illustration from the middle ages turned into a statue. You can't even see the nails.

Very funny, I would display a replica of this in my home.

#jesus christ #crucifix #oberachern #4/5 #32 #three nails #fav #silver #funny

Rating: 1/5

His face is so uncanny and creepy. I can't get over that. Nothing else to comment.

#jesus christ #crucifix #oberachern #1/5 #31 #three nails #nail through palm #halo #silver #creepy

Rating: 3/5

This whole thing is a masterful piece of art. It's like a picture book. But I'm only here to rate crucifixes. The first picture contains three crucifixes, so I'll make three different posts.

The crucifix on top is too high up, you can't properly make out the details from the ground, and I don't like that. He doesn't tickle my fancy, but that's not the artists fault.

#jesus christ #crucifix #oberachern #3/5 #30 #four nails #nail through wrist #halo #painted #bloody

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

Rating: 1/5

He looks like a 'Weckmann' (type of pastry).

Inscription reads:

Front:

"Gelobt sei Jesus Christus

Erneuert zu Ehren Gottes

Baptist Bohnert

Karoline Bohnert

geb. Wusler

1906

Maria Mutter der Barmherzigkeit bitte für uns"

Back:

"1906

Bohnert

Wilhelm

Maria

geb. Kern

Renoviert 1985"

(Fun fact: In the background to the left you can see the Hornisgrinde, the highest peak in the Northern Black Forest.)

#jesus christ #crucifix #lautenbach #sohlberg #1/5 #29 #three nails #halo #inscription #nail through palm

Rating: 2/5

The right spirit is there, but his body is shaped a bit weirdly. I wonder why there is a square-shaped hole on his chest. It looks like there was something mounted there, but what could it have been?

Inscription reads: "1809"

#jesus christ #crucifix #wetzlar #not ortenau #2/5 #28 #three nails #inscription #nail through palm

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