welcome to the tungle

"Yelling is not inherently abusive. White calmness and tears are often worse. This might be a controversial take, so let me name my bias. I come from a lineage of women who raised their voice to stop harm and restore justice. And women who raised their voices to cause harm and belittle. So when I defend the loud voice, know that I am defending my own, and that I know the different first hand. Watch who is the loudest. Usually, Black communities, Indigenous communities and in communities of the global south. The features of human expression that get called barbaric are the ones most alive in us. Look at parliaments where Indigenous and global-majority members are screaming on the floor because a law about to pass will strip people of their rights. It looks wild to a Western eye. They are the ones with their humanity still switched on. Now look at the American Senate. They discuss bombing and starving children across the globe in mild, measured, reasonable tones. The atrocity is enormous, yet the voices never rise. And notice who does raise their voice in those rooms. Almost always the Black and brown members, the ones still treating horror like a horror. This is a systemic critique, not a comment on your life. Whiteness and Western power will smile in your face, speak in hushed tones, even cry, while doing the most atrocious things to you. Cue the white woman tears. Then cue the wellness industry. The creators and practitioners who measure your worth by your tone, who decide your nervous system is regulated based on how quietly you can sit while something unbearable happens. Calm is not the same as good. A measured tone can be the most harmful thing in the room. The composure is sometimes just the sound of someone who has made peace with the harm. When I get loud, something horrendous has already happened. I am doing what animals in the wild do. Projecting my voice, using my whole presence, gesticulating to make it known that I will not stand for this. This is not a pass to scream at people. There is always personal responsibility to wield your rage skillfully and well. A raised voice can ham, and you own it when it does. But if we are serious about collective liberation, we have to be honest that it will take all sorts. The shout and the whisper both have a place. And sometimes the calmest, mildest tone if the most dangerous one in the room. Your rage is not the thing that needs managing. Your discernment does. Knowing when the loud voice is one telling the truth is a relational skill and it can be learned."