jesterofthemasses

You used to love waking up early.

You used to take pride in completing all your work.

You used to be the first one raising up your hand

Where did that go?

You used to talk,

Non-stop,

About the people you called your friends.

Where did that go?

You used to laugh

At the stupidest things

Until you looked stupid yourself.

Until the world was staring and laughing along with you

And that only made you laugh more.

You used to freeze,

Heart racing,

Living the torture of life to its fullest,

Moments stretching into decades of trying to calm down

All because someone acknowledged your presence.

You used to be annoying.

God, you still are annoying.

You’ve just learnt how to hide it a little better.

You used to trust the teachers that told you they loved you until they treated you like the assets they thought you wanted to be.

You used to follow the rules you thought were easy to keep until you forgot one and they decided you were unredeemable.

You were so sure, so confident, that they loved you.

Where did that go?

Who took that from you?

How many fuck-ups happened before you realised that you lived in a world that has no use for those who do not beg at the feet of authority?

You believed you could keep the rules forever and the titles and the power and stay out of trouble.

You belived in the filth they flung at you from every other speech, lies and hatred disguised as a caring parental figure.

You believed what they told you, that the noose around your neck was a guideline placed there in your best interets.

You believed and believed and forgave and forgave and they kept breaking your trust and you kept coming back because you believed they still cared for you, despite it all. You believed they still loved you. They probably still believe they love you.

You used to be such a good student.