2010. i learn to love and deal through a heartbreak for the first time. i am left with emotions i never understood how to process, as i am taught to be tough and just deal with it. i have come to fully accept that my disability is a part of who i am.
2011. i have a solid group of friends that i am still mostly in touch with to this day. i challenged myself to stop being shy. i graduate and i pack for a new chapter in slo. sheltered me takes a shot of vodka for the first time, and initiates a different side of me.
2012. i continue to do horribly in school, no matter how hard i study. someone said to my face, how can you major in biochemistry if you can’t even pass this general chemistry exam? that lit a fire in me, and i never looked back.
2013. i meet a new boy. but my mom hated this boy. we didn’t talk for months and it ruined my relationship with her. it broke my heart and really affected my grades. it was one of my lowest points, and i didn’t even know at the time.
2014. i use to think that relationships contribute to my happiness, but i learn that i must be happy on my own first, alone. i knew in my gut we would not last long, but i never told him and continue to date him for another year. i am finally taking the core classes i enjoy and my grades improve significantly. i make it to the dean’s list.
2015. i deal through another heartbreak again. i rekindle friendships i disregarded during my relationship. i get my mcat score back, and i hated being a premed even more. i had no backup plan. i decide a gap year was wise. i end college with even stronger friendships. i sign up for my first half marathon.
2016. i struggle to look for entry-level jobs and got a mediocre job that came with an amazing location and one of my new best friends. i reserved my heart for a dear friend from college. i explore san diego as much as i could. i decide to pursue a phD and as a start, i get into a masters’ program in portland.
2017. i never felt so lonely in a new city. i feel isolated in my program, and i cry on the phone numerous times about my PI. i feel worthless, but i grew stronger from it. i get back in touch with an old high school friend. we explore all of portland, and complete the 7 wonders of oregon.
2018. i get an indirect acceptance to a school only to be rejected due to numbers. i get into UCD and start my phD program early with my dream lab. i go to yosemite and hike the half dome. i meet and hang out with the best people during the summer. i never felt more at home. i complete the 52 hike challenge. i dated said dear friend. he says he waited for this for six years, but realizes he could not accept me for me. now this was a real heartbreak.
2019. i keep myself busy with work, and never wanted to be in the same town as him. i fly out of town five times. my friends and i started really working out. i realize the gravity of the situation. it never served me to begin with, and i let go. it was in this moment that i truly felt comfortable in my own skin. i took care of myself more. i meet a new boy and i never want to stop learning about what makes him, him. i get ready for my qualifying exam.
